For those of us who have experienced deep bouts of depression listening to someone else describe it sends a panicked wave throughout our bodies. For me it’s almost like stepping into someone else’s thoughts almost the same sensation you get when you stand on the edge of a cliff. Logically you know if you just stand still, or back up you won’t fall but there is this undeniable feeling that there is always the possibility of slipping.
Truth be told it terrifies me to know that the possibility of of slipping is always looming somewhere in the back of my existence. I think there may have been many times in the beginning before I actually admitted to myself something was horribly different about this kind of sadness, that I would just try to dismiss the overwhelming weight of this feeling. The usual justifications- I’m just over worked, I might be getting sick, hormones must be out of whack, if I could just get some sleep ( I can almost feel your heads nodding in agreement out there), but there came that moment when you become too exhausted to even make justifications.
I’ve heard other people who quite obviously have never experienced true depression say things like-shake it off, you just need better coping skills, how nice for you to be able to just check out when things get tough, get a grip, pull it together… I liken this to people who have never had sex trying to explain what it’s like to those of us who have had sex. You can have the mechanics of the act visualized in your mind, but it is in no way the same thing.
It is my belief that there are those of us who see and feel emotions from a much deeper place than most people. I do not claim to know why, but I can clearly distinguish this type of being from the others. I will even go so far as to say we sense each other. We remain quietly in the background because the stigma associated with depression is just so inaccurately brutal. Another emotional weight on a soul that is carrying far too much weight already.
I think that those of us who sense and internalize emotions like sadness, suffering, anxiety, apprehension, guilt, regret, sorrow, hopelessness, do so to the very extent that our very SOULS CRY! When your soul cries it is an emotion so deeply felt by your mind, brain, and heart that your very being shuts itself down. Your ability to function and reason goes into a kind of SOUL COMA. It’s like when doctors induce medical comas on patients with brain injury. They do this to give your mind ,and body a chance to focus all it’s energy on healing. When you heal they bring you back to life. The problem with the soul coma is the lack of knowledge in healing this type of soul injury. The very unwillingness of those who do not understand this kind of injury to even acknowledge it’s very real existence. Truthfully It was something that even after my own experiences I could not understand so expecting someone who has never experienced this seems almost impossible.
I have hope that we are making progress in this area, and that we will be able learn more about the healing process of the soul that cries. That those of us who have silently suffered will give this very real sickness a language that will be so well defined that all humanity will understand it’s complexity. In the meantime know that you are not alone, and seek help in every available resource. We have to be the voice that reaches out for those who may currently be residing in their SOUL COMA. 😉