Same Sex Parenting (G-uno)

It’s been said that the same sex parent is the most defining relationship of our lives. So for all of us women that’s Mom, and for all the men that’s Dad. Not to say that the the relationship with the other parent is of any less importance, it is in fact of equal importance in a different manner. In my case I am particularly fascinated by this subject since I lost my biological Mother at the age of four to cancer. I had many female role models until the age of eleven when my father remarried.

Although I was quite young when my mother died I have very strong memories of her. I think over the years I have relived these memories repeatedly as a way of avoiding losing her a second time. She was beautiful, not like “Helen of Troy” beautiful (her sister Helen actually got those genes), she was beautiful in a delicate doll kind of way. She loved shoes, and matching purses. She was very gifted with a sewing machine. Mom made her own dresses, and matching dresses for me to wear. Mom loved all things girly. She would do our hair together using those large rollers with bobby pins. For those of you around my age you will likely remember a product called “Dippity Doo”. It was the equivalent to styling gel today.

Mom cooked,read fairy tales(in Greek) to me, and the sound of her laughter still rings in my mind. I loved her, and she clearly loved me back. Mom had been very close to her mother and sister, so for as long as I can remember I have been surrounded by incredible female role models.I have to say that as wonderful as they all were I always carried this empty feeling where my Mother had once been. My stepmother, and let me be clear I hate that title. It conjures up images of cruel unloving women who live to torture anyone that did not come from their own womb.I prefer to refer to her as my second Mom. A woman who in came into my life when she was only twenty-five(the exact age my mother was when she died) and, treated me like her very own. Even today we share a closeness that has left a lot of people scratching their heads. In my heart of hearts I like to think my Mother picked her just for me. 😉

Until the time my father remarried, I lived with my father’s sister. I had only met her at my Mother’s funeral, and was put on airplane the very next day to go live with her. My Father had a great irrational fear of my Mother’s family taking me back to Greece, and never letting me see him again. He was out of his mind with both grief and alcohol, and was being shipped out to Vietnam. My Aunt who was very much a stranger to me, became my same sex role model for the next six years. She was quite different than my Mom (and my Mother’s family),but she was very loving and kind.

I have often wondered if my own Mother had lived to raise me, would I be the same person that I am now? Would I have been more like her? I am told that I am. This leads me to the question of genetics verses environment. I have had the great privilege of raising my own daughter. She looks much more like my Mother, and shares her love of all things girly (I’m more or a barefoot in the garden type),and yet she is very much like me in many other ways. I guess I will never really know the answer to this question. I have to admit though I have, and continue to examine all the same sex relationships that enter my world. 😉

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  1. #1 by g2 on November 19, 2014 - 4:10 pm

    I’m trying to decide if I’m not a little disappointed this wasn’t about lesbian couples ;P

    However, I’ve often wondered the same. My life was surrounded by women as the strongest elements in my world, the men that were around were barely present or only semi-present at best. My father, I did not even meet until I was thirteen and it was at court. I could barely muster the single finger salute with which I greeted him. My uncles were pretty hated by their own children as well. The only decent male role model I had was one uncle by marriage that I only saw occasionally on holiday, and my cousin, his stepson.

    My cousin has been in his first and only marriage for over 20 years now and he is devoted to his children and they love him dearly. His real father is as bad as mine, except he would show himself just long enough to be an asshole and then disappear again. There is still an empty hole waiting for him to fill as well. I suppose in my case, I just gave up and closed it down. I wonder if he would have been the same person without his stepdad? My gut tells me yes.

    I’ve also wondered that since I was raised by the same person as my mother, is this why we turned out so similar in personality? None of her siblings are like my mother really, but then she also had the benefit of a two parent household, when I came along, one was already gone. As for my grand’s personality compared to mine, we are polar opposites.

    I tend to think there is a great mix of things. I don’t think theoretical genetic mathematicians could fully understand the complex equation that makes up the human mindset and its personality, but it would be a better start than genetics or environment perse. I tend to side a lot with Free Will, in that we have a big hand in shaping who we are. I didn’t like who my grand was so I strove to be NotLikeThem. In becoming NotLikeThem, I changed direction often and aligned my coordinates more cleanly, since I had to be happy with the choices.

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