If this were the 80’s my face would currently be strapped to a bong with a side order of narcotics. Unfortunately for me I am 28 years clean. God there are those moments when I think why? In addition to not partaking in my former addictions, I have decided not to use bad language (a much more recent decision), which at this very moment escapes me. I come not only from a background of addicts, but notorious foul mouths as well. I get the same relief from stringing together profanities, that I imagine a boxer probably does from a punching bag.
Okay so now you have it, a glimpse of the darker side of me. I am also prone to mad gesturing often referred to as “Lestering” in my family circle. My father while in the middle of an alcoholic rage would pace wildly. Arms flailing, face contorted in what resembled a grotesque version of crazy charades. This was behavior that made me cringe, and at some point in life I managed to acquire. That’s why in order to tame my inner demons my house suddenly becomes exceedingly clean and organized. Immediate gratification for me a way of putting my world back into order.
I visit my dying loved one at his long term facility at the very minimum of five days a week. As a family we have made the decision to have two of us visit him each day of the week. This way twice a day someone is there to interact with him. It breaks up his day and gives us a chance to care for him. After three years of doing this, we have become very familiar with his nursing staff. We mostly know who will be on duty. What to expect from each caretakers individual style. I am mostly extremely grateful for the care my loved one receives, but there is one nurse who I call “Nurse Freaking Doom & Gloom”.
I call her this because you can not have a single conversation with her that doesn’t come to a point where she goes into her speech of “he’s suffering, he’s in pain (even if he’s sitting in his bed smiling watching a movie!) this is just horrible, I would rather die than be stuck where he is right now, he needs more pain medication…” I just get sick of it, and I find myself wanting to end her misery. My loved one is on a regular schedule for pain medication. Her solution would be to drug him into a coma. I know this is her own particular preference for herself, but she’s not him!
It’s not just her, other people have expressed quite openly their wishes should they find themselves in his circumstance. I get it, no one wants a slow lingering death! What I don’t get is how you think saying these words out loud are going to change this circumstance. For what ever reason our loved one is still fighting. I’m sorry if his death isn’t occurring fast enough for you! It’s agonizing enough for us to see him this way, but as long as he is fighting we want to support that fight. I guess the bottom line here is before you hand out advice regarding a situation that does not directly affect you, take a moment ask yourself did someone ask for your input?