Ok, anniversary over so I feel the desire to weigh in on… blame. Why do we blame? Well, I think we like to think that some things are out of our control, so we push our own involvement off to someone or something else so we can feel justified in being angry at it. We have a direction for the anger and the hate. Even if you don’t objectify it, but internalize it… its really, really hard to have a fight with yourself, at least not the type you need when you want to “blame.” You want to scream, point, lecture… when you’re doing this with yourself it feels a bit empty and stupid. It’s also a good way to trigger depression.
Blame, in itself, is an aspect of gaining control. We love control, over everything and everyone. Do this, don’t do that, sit down, shut up, listen. Most schools are just itching to get you to drug your kids so they can sit for 6-8 hours like zombies and simply absorb. Why? Control. Recess promotes chaos, which is why you see it dwindling from the curriculum. More often than not, its taken away as punishment. The real punishment is having to sit in any American classroom. But that’s a bitch for another time.
People want control, they want to blame, but they don’t want responsibility. When it comes down to it, people choose the actions they will make. They choose to take action or not. They choose to dwell, they choose to blame, they choose not to self-reflect. We love control, but when we have to acknowledge the darker side of ourselves, we attribute it to some element out of our control.
“Well, I have bipolar/autistic/ADHD/ADD/OCD/Turret’s/Chrone’s/arthritis/rickets/acne/depression/etc and that’s why I do _____________.”
Now, before anyone jumps my ass, please understand I know some of these are serious and real disorders. I think many are overdiagnosed, but real. I also think all too many people tend to use their diagnoses as reasons to be pricks. A diagnosis is a hurdle, but its not an end game. We all are trying to learn how to be functional, contributing members of society (we hope). Those with a disorder have a different set of obstacles they have to overcome to get there, but it doesn’t mean thats an excuse to stop trying either. I also realize some may never get to that point, but ironically they usually tend to be the ones who never stop trying in spite of knowing that. Those who throw up their hands up and use it as a shield to hide behind when they cannot own up to their own actions are the ones I especially call out.
If you’ve ever dealt with anyone who is passive-aggressive you’ll know what I’m talking about. They love to blame, but any flaw to their own character can be aligned with some disorder that is completely out of their control, even to an absurd level. I see them on facebook constantly, they are usually the ones calling out someone for being an ass, but they won’t name names nor detail what they are angry about, just that said unnamed person should come to them directly. You see the irony to this, yes? Should you be the intentioned recipient of such an exchange, they will either play dumb, or blame you.
P-A Fuckwit:”Well, you should know why I’m mad.”
Reasonable person:”I have no fucking clue what you’re on about or I wouldn’t be asking. However, is any of this still a good reason to post private conversations online and make it a public forum? That’s tasteless, offensive and childish.”
P-A Fuckwit:”WELL!…I didn’t mean to do that, I haven’t been feeling good and took too much cough syrup that day.”
You see what I mean. That wasn’t a real conversation, but I have had some painfully similar. It’s NEVER their fault and the reasons behind it get really pathetic. They tuck tail and run under the pressure of an adult argument, but they will never agree with anything you say, nor will they ever reflect on their own actions as being incorrect. They want the control, they want to blame, but they won’t acknowledge free will.
Of course, the question that always plagued me… how do I get those fuckers to grow up? and what really is their purpose?
We have a lot of power over our own mind. Depression is one thing as it hits for no reason, but there hasn’t been a “traumatic” experience I haven’t been able to sit down, look over, take what I can learn from it, and cast it away. The very act of casting it away mentally is liberating in and of itself. It is the past, the future is mine. What I choose to make of it is all mine and I really hate baggage, so why carry it?