The only never in my life rules these days is, never say “never.”
I used to say it a lot.
I will never get married.
I will never have children.
I will never be anything like my grand or my mom.
Anyone who knows me would be laughing their asses off right now. Every time any of these words would come out of my mouth, it always felt that felt or some bastard entity would silently respond with “Orly?!” and orchestrate it so all my careful dodging would lead me right to where I didn’t want to be.
Maybe, like G-uno has trouble with plans, this is the reason I just don’t plan. I inherently know it will all fail so I don’t bother. However, breaking the habit of saying “never” when I really felt strongly about something, much harder.
I supposed I could attribute it to changes in mindset as we grow older, but even today my kid will ask “you know, that guy that I was talking to in the red shirt?” and I have to explain for the 100th time that all I see is blah and blur, my kid, and more blah and blur. I know two of my kid’s friend’s names not because of any interest, but because I have to. I still find that duct tape is an underused disciplinary tool. I like my kid, my kid’s two closest friends, some friend’s kids, most of the ones in my family… but its a small group. The limit of time I can spend with most kids, even the ones I like, varies. My kid is the only exception and even I’ve had to tell them once or twice, “you need to go out of my sight for an hour or I may break you, ok?” when they have been especially committing to pushing every button I have. 99.8% of the time though, we get along great.
I just find it completely mind boggling the people who plan every single minute detail of their lives, they say “never” and then they do just what they say they will never do… and…. well, why the hell are some of us immune? I didn’t mean it any less when I said it than they did, so why does my life end up upside and side slammed from the exact thing I said I didn’t want?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret getting married, even though it ended it in divorce, I still learned a lot about what I did and did not want in a relationship and a got a cold hard look at my own issues and how I deal with things and what I needed to change. I also don’t regret having a kid. They are great, I could not see my life without them and they are my best friends too. I just often wonder why I seem to get tripped up on my convictions? Is it just a mark of growing older and changing over time, or is it that life is just one of many methods of showing you just how damn adaptive you can be?