communication (g2)

We as humans are excellent at communicating.

We’re fucking awful about understanding one another.

Even those of us who have lived within 20 feet of one another our entire lives will still have many times when we do not understand the other person. One of the problems of course is… we assume a lot. And I don’t mean the detrimental kind. I mean ALL the time. Let me know if this sounds familiar…

“Well, I’m sure he probably didn’t call because he got home late and was just being thoughtful.”

“You know, if she didn’t like what I gave her, she could have just given back but all she says is this half-assed ‘oh thanks.'”

“Don’t you think if I didn’t need these reports, I wouldn’t be asking for them?”

For me, this sounds like every.fucking.day. Not always exactly like this, much this same monotonous droning of assumptions.

In the first scenario, I see this a lot with a woman who is interested in a particular guy and has still not gotten the subtle hint that he’s just not as into her as she wishes he was. I hear these particular types usually also bitch about wanting “closure” but on the reverse end of it, they are just as vague and half-assed when they are trying to ditch someone they’re not interested in. Did I mention people watching is a hobby? It’s a big hobby. I find people fascinating, frustrating, irritating, overwhelming, awe-inspiring and everything in between.

The 2nd and 3rd I see a lot from the passive-aggressive complainer. They absolutely cannot put themselves in another person’s shoes for even a moment and suspect that maybe, just maybe, there is a reason for the person behaving in a way they deem offensive. In the 2nd, the person in question could have been sick, exhausted, or just damn embarrassed to be empty handed. The third… well, a person who doesn’t do or understand your job may ask you questions in order to better understand how what they do affects you. It’s kind of a good thing to do that.

I wish I could find the link now but I saw this post once where a young woman posted a letter she was sent by a young man she had gone on a date with once. Apparently, she wasn’t interested and just dodged his calls and texts instead of telling him she wasn’t interested (more on that later). Apparently, in his frustration, he wrote her this very long letter that detailed things like how many times she crossed her legs, how many times she played with her hair, when she did these things, touched his arm, laughed, etc. It was a very itemized list of all the “signs” that women tend to give when they are interested. He went on to express his complete confusion of her behavior of ignoring him after those series of actions on their date. It almost sounded like a lawyer listing the “evidence” in order to make his case. She posted it on social media to mock him, to garner the masses to make fun of how “crazy” he sounded.

If any of you have ever known someone like this, you already know where I’m headed with this. Of course, the boy was most likely an aspie. He had probably spent HOURS trying to understand the subtleties of human interaction in the dating spectrum and felt he had been successful with her, only to be completely thwarted and ignored for no logical reason he could determine. For even your average person, this kind of behavior can be extremely frustrating and more than a little hurtful, but for an aspie who did everything “by the book,” it must be beyond measure. My heart went out to him. I hope he never found out about her posting that.

Of course, I’m happy to report that more than two thirds of the people commenting on her post chewed her ass out for basically being a heartless bitch. Some were nicer than others, but the problem remains, she never once tried to put herself in his shoes and wonder why he wrote that, why he didn’t really get it, why he was so confused or what she could do to alleviate that. Maybe its the more “impolite” route, but its certainly a more honest one to just be direct with someone you’re not interested in so they aren’t wasting their time.

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen both sides and both gender pine for another who will never call, never visit, never chase. Everyone claims to want closure, but they really just want what they want. Taking a few seconds to explain “you know, I just don’t see us working out, sorry.” would help a lot in people being able to say “ouch” and look elsewhere.

Those short-sighted complainers, they would have a lot less to complain about if they took even a moment to just ask themselves, “now, why would they ask me that (logically)?” If there isn’t a single possibility you can come up with, there is this really awesome trick…. it works like a dream… you want to know?

It’s called…

“ask them”

Spread the word….

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