The “Magical Vagina” is completely in need of some super charging elixir, the term “magical vagina” was given to me straight from the creative mind of G2. After a rant of mine where I said I wish I had known being born with a vagina meant that I would have to be the keeper of all holidays. Christmas is 14 days away, and I am seriously considering firing the magical vagina! Why you ask? The truth is she is screwing up Christmas, something she usually does very well (well there is the exception of last year when she went into a deep dark depression, and didn’t even put up a tree), see further thought for relieving her of her duties!
The holidays are a tricky time for me anyway something that goes way back to childhood. Even though I believe my love of the holidays comes from living with my Dad’s sister from age five to eleven, my aunt was the “Queen” of the holidays (I suspect she had a super deluxe magical vagina), because there wasn’t a single holiday that she couldn’t turn into a magical event, and Christmas was her best holiday! Keep in mind she is the founder of the great tradition of shaking “Tom Turkey’s” leg! She started Christmas the day after Thanksgiving, and managed to fill each and every day from that point on with a heartfelt preparation, all leading up to her spectacular Christmas Eve/ Day.
Then from that point on Christmas took on a different tone. My new Mom was from Thailand so her “magical vagina” did not come with a Christmas program, and Christmas brought on a very severe depression phase accompanied by some heavy drinking/rage for my Dad. So you see my issue after living with “The Queen of the holidays” this was like being thrown into the darker completely opposite side of Christmas. I had a front row seat to exactly how, and how not to do Christmas. I decided to follow the magical stylings of “The Queen.” I did my best to recreate this event for my siblings, but at eleven my magical vagina was not fully powered, and dealing with Dad’s depressed drinking didn’t exactly help.
I did however become much better by the time I married, and had my own children. I must admit though I don’t think I have ever been able to top “The Queen.” I do however give props to my own “magical vagina” for coming in at a close second place. With the exception of last year’s great depression I have always been able to pull it all together, but this year I find myself failing for other reasons. Our home is under construction that was originally scheduled for January, our loved one is on Hospice, I am trying to keep up with the demands of my job (December being one of my busier months), and even though all of this is going on I can still feel the joy of the holidays looming around somewhere inside of me.
At this moment no Christmas cards, no Christmas tree, no decorating, and no shopping have been accomplished in this household. When I say to you that “The Magical Vagina” is screwing up big time you can see that with Christmas being 14 days away, that I am in no way exaggerating her need of some super charging elixir! All I can say to you at this point is that I am seriously considering firing her! 😉