I wish I could say there was one magical moment I can recall of one particular Christmas but I don’t. I have flashes of memories of when we all still behaved like a family does and I have a few brief glimpses I can rapid fire through my mind, but no one magical moment sticks out.
My grand, at least outwardly, put me on this imaginary pedestal. There was a significant difference in the size of the pile from Santa on Christmas morning sequestered for me compared to my cousins. Why? I don’t know, I guess this was what happens being the one who lived with gram while the others did not. Maybe they felt this excess compensated for the portion that would have normally been provided by two parents. Perhaps they were trying to make it known who the favorite was. Regardless, I really wish they hadn’t.
I remember very little about the gifts, other than they were usually on the dark side of the galaxy from anything I would put on my wish list. I’m sure my disdain or disinterest with the items I had been given only helped portray me further as the spoiled piece of shit some of my other family members considered me to be but I didn’t much notice. I appreciated the thought, even though it was a little jarring to still be so unknown. To this day, I truly hate getting presents. Love giving them, I HATE getting them.
I do remember my Santa lists got more elaborate and insane every year. I think I liked messing with grand to some degree. The only one that does stick in my mind really well is the year I asked for a lion, a tiger, and a cougar. I wanted to ride the lion to school every day flanked by the other two on either side.
In this way too, if anyone pissed me off, they could eat them and I wouldn’t have to worry about the expense of raw meat, since I had read about them needing quite a bit of it. I had their homes picked out in the backyard where they would stay and tried to figure out the kind of tricks I could perform as an awesome trainer of wild cats.
Even though my logical mind knew I would never get these things, I have to admit I still have a tinge of disappointment over never being able to aspire to the greatness I might have been destined had a lion, a tiger, and a cougar been given to me on Christmas morning back in elementary school.