Tomorrow is the big unveiling and this year I have caused myself a great amount of physical exertion by picking the largest items on the kid’s list this year. Why is it the big ones that are normally the cheaper ones? Also, that kid is fucking crazy if they think they are getting two damn consoles for Christmas. Fuck that.
My holidays are generally pretty tame. If I spike my coffee with Bailey’s my kid calls me a lush. I’m shocked they didn’t try to have an intervention the time I drank TWO WHOLE BEERS! We generally spend all day in our pj’s, make a big breakfast, play video games, marathon watch TV (on the computer), and slowly surround ourselves with the aftermath of what was once a pristine pile of boxed perfection in paper like elaborate icing and the bounciest of ribbons overflowing.
So much setup time…. so little demolition time.
Is it still worth it? Hell yes. I could plot the whole year to get that look of amazement that lasts all of five seconds. Usually, about 1/3 of kid’s stash is stuff they never asked for and there is almost always one nugget among them that is favorited above even the ones they requested.
During the quiet moments when the kid is fully exploring some new discovery under the tree and figuring the innermost secrets of said item, my mind tends to wander.
I wonder about those who might be waking up to a Christmas morning where they are alone for the holidays. I spent quite a few years on my own with no one really, but I don’t remember being lonely. I know I would pick up extra shifts during the holidays since when you’re the one with no family, you’re the best candidate to cover for everyone else.
It wasn’t for avoidance that I did it, I just figured that… somewhere along the way, someone probably had to work a shift that allowed members of my family to be at home for the holidays and it was fine that it was my turn. Later on, I knew my life would probably change in a way I might not be able to, so I worked as many as possible while it didn’t matter.
When I wonder about the ones alone, I wonder if they are OK with it the way I was or does it make them feel painful or lonely. The holidays open up the fast track to all the feels so its difficult to keep out the inner bastard that likes to tell you awful things for no reason.
If you happen to be the latter and think no one is wondering how you are, remember that there is at least one.
Try to do something for yourself on Christmas morning, a present to yourself.
Make a breakfast you never make, but love.
Write something, anything. If you write about how you feel, and realize a lot of it is negative, argue with each point made as to why its wrong.
Take a walk or a drive and pretend you’re a kid trying to find the BEST houses for Christmas lights. My kid has helped me enjoy the holidays a lot more than I ever did at their age just by trying to see it through their eyes.
Stuff a stocking with all your favorite stuff. Yes, go buy some if you can. I like to wear our stockings after we empty them. Don’t judge me.
My toes smell like chocolate when I do that.
Yes… I wash them before they get stored again.
Play CoD or WoW or whatever your online fix is, you never know, we might even end up running a dungeon together.
If Facebook is your fix and its depressing the hell out of you, remember that people who seem impeccably, impossibly happy online are usually proportionally the opposite in real life. Meaning if it looks like they hire a professional photographer to follow them around every day and docudrama their awesomeness and there are mountains of “I’m so glad to have you… *GUUUSH*!” posts, they are very likely both addicted to one or more substances and at least one of them is banging the best friend of the other.
I often like to figure out how bad it really is based on the number of perfect Christmas photos they post. Yes, I have a twisted sense of humor but its usually true. Happy people are usually busy off being happy, they don’t usually feel the need to prove it.
With that said, if you happen to be one of those souls kind of beating on yourself and flying solo this Christmas, I really hope you shut your inner bastard the hell up. If you are able to be home for the holidays, make it a special snow day for yourself. If you’re working, I’m both sorry for that and thankful to you. You never know when you will be someone’s hero and in reality, heroes are rarely the flamboyant or suited.
And for anyone having it so rough that you think no one cares, remember there is two of us that do. And we didn’t have to meet you to care, how about that?
Good Pancha Ganapati!
…and all that jazz.
Be well, be nice to yourself. You’re always more loved than you realize.
This is what I’m about when I’m thinking about warm and fuzzy music. You’re welcome.