Overwhelmed with grief, sorrow, and construction, I went for my “go to” “The Magical Vagina.” She lacks the excitement of Tequilla shots, but she’s definitely less likely to get me into trouble. The magical vagina provides excellent distractions for the those insane uncontrollable situations the universe seems hell-bent on dropping on us. Since our home looks like a bomb site the lists of things I could actually control seemed pretty enticing. Sick I know, but this has been my way of coping since early on in childhood. I can also assure you that the decade that I exchanged the “Magical Vagina” for Tequilla & drugs was a lot more exciting, but not so pretty.
Looking around at what use to be my clean, and organized home I searched for a starting point to begin my attack on the bomb site. While I wandered around in our new addition I realized our vision for our little home was starting to materialize. It almost seemed strange to stand in the new rooms that for years had only been a figment of our imaginations. I stood there looking out our new windows, and realized I had not given any thought to new views we would soon have.
When we first moved into our little home twenty-six years ago I had done exactly the same thing. I wandered around the new house staring out the windows at their particular views. That was when it hit me that unlike our first apartment we actually had some control over the views outside our windows. From that moment on I have made it a point to carefully plan what I would be looking at outside each window.
I thought about this a little longer wondering why a view from every window had such importance to me. Aside from the sense of control it provides to my often anxiety ridden personality when I am confronted with uncertainty, it also fills me with the joy that I feel when I create something new. A reminder that even though the view is constantly changing, it does not mean that the new view will be any less beautiful than the old one was. 😉