conversations with spawn, part 2 (g2)

The rest of the dialog, at least the funnier bits. It took spawn forever to make a comeback from my first post. I can only guess because they were actually looking for it.
spawn: Well I know what ill be deleting now.

spawn: Argh!! So many decisions!!
me: poor thing, don’t hurt your head
spawn: A hole. Thats why I asked you.
me: i make enough decisions in a day, i don’t need more
spawn: Cause i don’t have as big of a brain as you do.You have plenty of space in that head.
me: you don’t have as big an ass as I do. your brain is huge.
spawn: Stop cursing and stop comparing butts. Its disturbing. Btw I’m doing pretty good progress. Wait…you STOLE MY PLUSH KITTY FROM MEH! You even left it on top of your computer, Jerk!
I bought spawn a stuffed cat that was for cleaning monitors, It’s tummy and crotch were chamois, I couldn’t resist. This is what spawn is referring to.
me: you didn’t have room for it, it was getting crushed and neglected. its been there for months
spawn: Well now its mine. AGAIN. 

spawn: Found a Wine Voucher card from, I see what you’ve been hiding now.

me: dont judge me!
spawn: No, no. Wine. For. You. In my world, it’s just like beer.
Spawn likes to regulate my intake of alcoholic beverages. I’m more of a beer person, but I do enjoy wine as well. This is my payback for letting spawn taste both when they were still a toddler and referring to it once as “stupid juice.”

spawn: Sorry for bugging you, got scared. Needed social interaction.
me: you’re not bugging me, anything in particular scared you?
spawn: Strange noises from the dryer and I think I heard breathing but I’m sure it was the dryer. I looked all over the place if there were anyone there. The dryer keeps making whistling noises and it isn’t even on. Are you even listening?
spawn is hella impatient.
me:yes, its not the dryer, it seems to maybe be the pipe under the sink in the bathroom
spawn: Why is it doing that?
me: I thought at first there might be a leak in the pipe but then it stopped. If its a leak it doesn’t stop, things just start smelling more wet and it would get louder. Let me know if it decides to start doing that
spawn: Kay, love you.
me: just don’t stick your hand in there… stopping sounds more electrical, but let me know if it stops and starts, changes, and kind of notes the sounds.
spawn: Why would I stick my hand in there? I know not too. I touch, shock, dead. At least in my brain.
me: wow, cute and smart… what a combo
spawn: Golf clap. Trying not to slack.
me: always a plus. though you’re doing an awful lot of typing
spawn: Hush. I have things on my mind. So at first the pipe a tiny whistle and now it sounds a bit louder like mist.
me: yeah, it did that yesterday, then got quieter, than nothing. Can you tell its coming from the left cabinet specifically?
spawn: Yup. Its getting on my nerves.
me: did mine too. Will have to call landlord today then on the way home. I don’t want anyone there while I’m not and you are, hopefully he can look at it while we’re doing laundry.
spawn: Like my gang? Alright buddies, pack your suitcases! Hopefully without snooping around.
me: well thats why I said, stash the drugs, keep the fighting dogs sedated and make sure the obscure porn is not in plain sight. I like to save those for school visits
spawn: Lol 

me:I just had to spell “dix” and couldn’t stop sniggering, what are you working on now?
spawn: Floor pickup, took me forever to gather the screws, so many! Don’t need any complaining from you.
me: that was a question, good lord you are hypersensitive
spawn: Wut. I have 6 more hours till you come, right?
me:heh, why? what is i decided to leave… early. DUN DUN DUN!
spawn: NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Heh. Are you going to leave early? Hello?
that’s supposed to be the villain lurking behind his cape. it went with my suspense noise. its utter crap
spawn: Beautiful. It brings a tear to the eye. Are you leaving early though?
me: no plans for it.
spawn: Yay!! I have things to do, like saving laundry! From the floor!
me: saving laundry? did it get so bad its trying to run away?
spawn: Yeah, I scared it off with bleach and Clorox. ..
me: i spent years trying to pick the perfect array of black for my wardrobe and you went and ruined it?
spawn:Yup! objective complete
me: I’m shitting on all of your toys when i get home
spawn: wait wut.
I surwender!
ironically, the dead cat is from spawn’s last birthday cake… yeah, another time.
We had an emoji war at this point, and I pointed out that a demon one looked just like spawn.
spawn: I kill u. Hush. Now child. I’ll let you decorate your side of the desk.
me: lol, you can do it if you feel so inspired, but I won’t make you. could the pen cups come off the desk though?
why does this look good to me?
spawn: There is no way you can fit that in your mouth.
me: who said i had to fit the whole thing
spawn: Unless you like to eat children. Physics
me: or like a cat
spawn: Hah.


Watch American Kids React To Breakfast Dishes From Across The World [Video]

spawn: Ooooh. Silly of you.Send a message really quick
me: really quick. this is a fun read for later too

Can Amor Truly Vincit Omnia? Chaucer Doth Advise

spawn:Thx, trying to test hangouts on my pc but wouldn’t come up. wow, i can’t read half of it. how do you find this stuff?
me:I am a god among the interwebs
spawn: Sure.  Afk…

22 Facts That Shatter Your Image of American Presidents

gonna make it educationally relevant too.
spawn: Not looking at it.

spawn: Awkward silence…
me: huh? 
spawn: We haven’t said a thing to each other in a while.
me: did you take that to mean we were fighting or something? what are you working on now?
spawn: No, i didn’t. Why u want to know?

spawn:no answer. DUN DUN DUN.
me: no, i was WORKING… something someone else doesn’t seem to be doing. DUN DUN DUNNN!
At this point we get into an argument over who is the messiest of the two and in turn, blame one another for the mess on our respective desk areas. “Yours crept over to mine because there was so much of it!” and the like.

me: what do you want for dinner?
spawn: Food.
me: so tossed salad with walnuts and raspberry vinaigrette?
spawn: NO.

me: oh yeah and here: pick one and tie up the trash (spawn can still not tie their shoes… I think its a mental block). how many bags have you filled?

Different Way to Tie Shoes – Easy for Kids

Different Way to Tie Shoes - Easy for Kids

I tried “special needs” as the keyword but I suppose “kids” is the same
I think the swoopy stuff is fire….or a napkin hiding it? or the mane thing?
me: what’s that? it looks like reason for grounding
me:heh. that’s pretty good
spawn has been obsessed lately with Japanese fox spirits with large manes, it shows in their doodles too. The one below has a tail. Or two…or three?
spawn: Hah. Thonx. 
I hate the noise.
me: i imagine so, not too much longer though and if flushing helps, or maybe running the cold in the tub? not high, just some and see if that stops it
spawn: running water helped
me: good. then it won’t build pressure
spawn: Yay! Now let me do my other chores.
me: ok, you do that
spawn: And you work.
me: totally already doing that. I’m a multitasker
spawn: I’m a failure of a multitasker. i’m quite depressed and proud of myself.
im proud that i cleaned stuff up but feel like it could be better and that i could get scolded.
whatever this is. And now you aren’t listening…

10 mins and still doesn’t answer. 

(it was 4)

20 mins and i think you’re ignoring me.
(it was maybe 7)
me: no, i had something urgent i had to take care of
spawn: Urgent, huh? 
me: you’re not a failure of a multitasker either, you handle your parent splendidly
spawn: “handle” you say
me: what would you describe it as?
spawn:”Get the ropes!”
me: you’re planning on hanging me?
spawn: No, just tying you down, but if you want i can do that
me: i prefer not, i enjoy our weird banter
spawn: Eh, true.
me: thought about dinner?
spawn: Food.
me: steamed oyster and veggie roast then?
spawn: No. Nothing healthy.
me: oysters aren’t all that healthy
spawn: Nothing that i won’t like.
me: you hate everything
gummy knitting
spawn: says you.
me: UberFacts “Scientists have made tattoos that generate electricity from sweat.” uhhh… and apparently something happened we have missed: a petition to bring Trubel back?
spawn: See, Trubel is awesome!
me: but where did she go? last we saw she was the sole presiding grimm. um, i’m thinking we need to have a catchup watch session
spawn: no idea.

Review: Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer share tales of love, heartbreak at the Tampa Theatre in Tampa

spawn:UGH. Half of the stuff in the basket didn’t fit, do i fail?
Spawn is getting to that point where the size and volume of clothing is starting to exceed the space that once held it all. We had a brainstorming session at this point where I had to clarify that just because a set of shelves once held nothing but toys did not mean that would be the only thing those shelves could ever be used for.
me: brainstorm kiddo, its your room. unless you want to bedazzle everything with rhinestones, I probably won’t have too much of a problem with it. Setting fire to it also not an option
spawn: AWW. That was gonna be my plan.
me: nah, cheap cop out, never gonna let it be that easy
me: my sinuses are killing me, i cannot stop sneezing and I’ve already heard two sickies at work.
spawn:Then the infection spreads until we’re zombies.
me: i’m pretty sure my sniffles came from you
(spawn blames a kid at school)
me: don’t blame others for your sick spreading issues
spawn: I’m EXPLAINING.
me: then why can’t you just go to school in cling wrap
spawn: It attracts mummies. Joke. NVM
me: well, i was actually thinking about you using cling wrap. it never ends well.
spawn: I give up.
me: awww, come on… that would be an awesome video. would have to have an emergency response team on the side in case you manage to suffocate yourself, but it could be amusing. not the suffocating part, but the using the cling wrap part.
(spawn is more likely to choke on cling wrap than to successfully stick it to a dish)
spawn: Jerk.
me: oh and what sounds better: chinese, ramen house, or burgers?

spawn: The fact i’m dancing and looking at your profile picture gives me chills so i stop dancing… Listening to Love, What You Doing? by We Have Band.
me: awww, my pic makes you dance?
spawn: No, it creeps me the heck out.
me: gee thanks
spawn: You’re welcome.

spawn: Roses are red, violets are blue, have you checked already? Someone miss you.
me: you can pull up Life360 and see exactly where i am
spawn: Not EXACTLY
me: enough that the scent hunting dogs could take over and be successful. don’t nitpick.
spawn: Im not, its a fact. Still at work then? Tell me when you’re leaving work.
me: I’ll think about it, but bring up life360 too
spawn: I did.
me: i have mine up too now
spawn: Yay, now we can stalk each other!
me: lol. good thing the heifer teacher doesn’t have that info!
spawn: ikr
me: i wish you could call the ramen house up so it would be ready when we got there
spawn: No.
me: chicken
(spawn thoroughly shuts down when handling the daily tasks of social interaction with strangers. this could be a phone to a friend on my behalf, placing an order… even deciding not to refill their drink because they didn’t want to speak to the person standing in front of it and blocking it.)

me: i need a backup to my brain. i need wine tonight too.
spawn: I’ll give you some, only if i get credit and appreciation for cleaning up a bit.
me: how did you like being home though?
spawn: Eh, thought it would be worse. Like in those really cheesy movies. Though i do feel like your presence is still…in the house somehow. Like whispers or the sniffles or the water that sounds like you’re taking a shower.  I think that its the fact i’m still in contact with you. WARNING: Descriptive writing here! Kinda.
me: i get what you mean, if you had no way to contact me you’d probably feel more isolated too, but its not bad.
spawn: Wow, agreement.
me: there’s a list of things you don’t do when you live alone: 1. don’t over think. 2. don’t ever watch a scary movie until someone will be in the house for the next three days 3. don’t rent old places, they creaks like sob’s, etc
spawn: And there you go, folks! Things you don’t do when you live alone! *audience claps*
me: but freaking out kids… total free for all
spawn: Wait, wut? 

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