Help! They Hijacked The Wedding (G-uno)

I can not stay positive on this one. So if your if you’re trying to avoid negative angry feelings don’t read this post! Have you ever been so pissed that your blood literally feels like it’s cooking you from the inside? I am so angry that I can hardly see straight. I know “He (They in this case) who anger you control you,” but today the only cheek I want to turn requires dropping my pants to expose my much less than tasteful kiss me side.

Our Daughter got engaged over Christmas, this is something that brought us all so much happiness. She and her fiance have been together for seven years. We very much love this young man. More importantly he very much loves our daughter. Our entire family was included in this wonderful news. They were also told when the exact date of the wedding would be.

She is the first of the grandchildren to be engaged, so it was a very big event for our family. Last month her older cousin also became engaged. This was also wonderful news as we very much love her cousin, and the fiance. So what’s my problem? In the words of my son and his friends these “Style Biting Bitches” hijacked our wedding by setting their date a month before ours!

Next issue the cousin who we know had already set the date of the event called our daughter to pretend like she was actually asking her if it was okay! They caught our daughter off guard with the call, a complete ambush, so they could perpetuate the idea that they needed her assurance that it was okay. Now this cousin is an only child,and highly competitive by nature. The cousin is also highly intelligent, and sadly equally selfish. Our daughter (who I am so proud of) told her cousin that if this date was significant that they should follow their hearts.

The fact that my daughter who had just been socially bitch slapped by a person who was FULLY aware of their intentions pisses me off to no end! You know how when you get ambushed, and you start to review previous conversations in your head, then the light bulb goes off because you realize that a line of questioning was actually just a gathering of information for a hidden agenda? This is what has been playing over and over in our minds. We were intentionally fucked over.

To make matters worse they know if we say anything against this wedding we will be no better than our “Style Biting” backstabbing family members! It’s absolutely the worst feeling in the world for me as a mom to know that my daughter has been treated this way by family members. I am beyond furious, I am completely disgusted!

I’m torn apart by my own anger. I want to let this go, but I just cannot seem to do so. The Mother of the cousin called me to feel out my perspective. This of course was done in the same  pretentious bull shit way her child issued it’s phony call to my daughter. They truly believe that they have been ever so clever, but lies have a way of exposing those who issue them. As she rambled on about the fact that they have already acquired their venue along with a list of their other wedding accomplishments it seemed to escape her mind that her child just did the fake call for approval the day before yesterday. Since we have been planning our wedding since December we know that kind of thing can not possibly be accomplished in two days!

We only hide our actions when we understand that what we are doing is wrong. I will swallow my anger because doing anything else would further cast negativity onto my daughter’s day. As angry as I am I would also never intentionally do anything to hurt the cousin that I deeply love. So you see my predicament? Help me!! Please help me try to do what’s right. I would love any suggestions you might have, as I am clearly to close to this situation to be rational…

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  1. #1 by g2 on May 6, 2015 - 3:25 pm

    This is where I’m really going to show my ignorance. From date night to wedding was like… a few months for me, we planned it, paid for it, and I have to tell you… if there were any of my cousins that wanted to marry around that same time, I wouldn’t know or understand why that should matter to me. I never asked (never thought to) and I really don’t remember or just didn’t register any hostility about it.

    One of my cousins I think married a few months to a year later… a SIL married a month later… now I’m wondering if same said cousin or SIL had planned to marry when I did and I fucked it up… might explain the judgemental undertone that has marked my dealings with the cousins as long as I’ve known them, despite their efforts to ingratiate themselves to me. (fucked up, right?)

    I too am that smart (ass) only child, but I have 0 knowledge about why one should hinder the other. Did the cousin just want to be the first grandchild to marry? Is there a grand prize for doing so, like a car? Will Bob Barker come out of retirement for the occasion?

    I get the cousin is being an intentional dick and trying to stir up stuff, but if that was you and not your daughter it was happening to… would you care?

  2. #2 by idioglossiablog on May 6, 2015 - 3:41 pm

    I couldn’t care less about who gets married first. I just resent the whole peeing on my leg, and trying to pass it off as rain! I resent the dishonesty behind the action. I also resent the shortness of time between both weddings. Who gets married first is irrelevant, but the timing is stressful. As for whether or not I would care if this didn’t involve my daughter, I would probably not be as angry, but I would still see it as a crappy thing to do. Thanks for weighing in though it helps to see someone else’s view. G-uno

  3. #3 by momoseita on May 6, 2015 - 7:05 pm

    Perhaps things would play out differently when my children marry but I don’t really see the issue. I think pouring all of your energy and love into the planning of your daughter’s wedding is all that matters. Allowing them to do as their heart desires and regardless of who is doing their’s 1 month prior – doesnt matter because your daughter’s day will not change in any significance or beauty. Her day will be absolutely unforgettable and special because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their living days together. It’s all about them and all those that get invited will be privileged bystanders that get to share their beautiful moment. My advice is that nothing is worth allowing your daughter’s day to be dampened esp anger. It causes undue stress. I wish you guys the very best and a wonderful wedding. Congrats.

  4. #5 by blahpolar on May 6, 2015 - 7:14 pm

    Voodoo dolls.

    • #6 by idioglossiablog on May 6, 2015 - 10:39 pm

      Of course my first laugh at the whole thing would come from you! 😉 Thanks for your support! G-uno

      • #7 by g2 on May 7, 2015 - 12:29 am

        I was kind of thinking I might be able to assemble a beer can arch to give the cousin as a gift. You could get really offended if they refuse to use it.

        Though I admit, cheers BP, you have a wonderful mind.

    • #8 by momoseita on May 6, 2015 - 11:09 pm

      Or that lol. Too funny.

  5. #9 by Meredith at My Pink Champagne Life on May 7, 2015 - 4:08 pm

    Even great families can get crazy about these kinds of things! This must be so frustrating, but you are handling it well despite your anger. Just don’t let them steal your joy at the excitement and the love and the remarkable journey that your daughter and her fiancé are on, that Joy is just for y’all 🙂

    • #10 by idioglossiablog on May 7, 2015 - 10:59 pm

      Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. I am very much looking forward to this journey. G-uno

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