For as long as I can remember I have been trying to climb out of the copilot’s chair, and into the pilot’s chair.Somewhere down the line I took the whole “you’re the master of your destiny” speech very much to heart. The problem is I also very firmly believe that we are all a part of a much bigger destiny in life where free will is certainly honored, but God is my “Pilot,” and I am the “copilot.” The airplane is my physical being for this amazing Earthly journey.
The problem for me is that I have always been anxious about the particulars. I don’t ride horses, or any other animal for that matter because the idea of driving something that has a mind of its own, is a very unsettling concept in my little world. I find it equally unsettling to be driven by anyone other than myself this includes airplanes, trains, buses, ships, all other vehicles. I do of course do all of these things (except for the animals), but never without this little discomfort that resides deep down inside of me.
My eternal struggle has always been being able to remind myself that life is a gentle balancing of both my faith, and my ability to guide my life. In moments of extreme anxiety I tend to forget that divine intervention is as much a factor in my life as my own free will. My faith has always been strong. I have always felt God’s presence in my life. There are just those moments when I completely forget that I am not in control of everything that happens in my journey. It is in those moments that I lose myself.
I find myself becoming increasingly more anxious. A deep feeling of hopelessness takes over. My anxiety over my fears of not being able to do the things I need to accomplish in my life seems to grow to the point of almost paralyzing my ability to do anything. Then in the middle of climbing out of my copilot’s seat, desperately trying to climb onto my “Pilot’s” lap so I can fly that plane myself. I start seeing signs. Sometimes they come in the form of written words, or from the conversations of others. It’s almost like the Universe sends out signs. One right after the other all sharing the exact same theme.
The signs remind me that it’s okay to be the “copilot,” because it comes with the incredible duality of both being able to guide the journey while enjoying the view. It means I can go back to my seat, reminded that sometimes faith is the only thing we do actually have control of in our journey. To be honest there will always be those days when I can not embrace the freedom that comes with faith. Fortunately on those days my “Pilot” is willing to let me sit on his lap with the comforting illusion that I’m in control of the flight. 😉