Archive for July, 2015
Ram Dass said “When you know how to listen everyone is your Guru.” I just spent the last two hours at lunch with one of my closest friends, listening to her speak is like stepping into another world where everything you ordinarily see takes on an entirely different form. She sees life in a way that most people are incapable of conceptualizing. Her thinking patterns are rapid, and colorful. She feels things at such a deep analytical level that you can’t help walking away from a deep conversation with her feeling like you’ve been given some of life’s best secrets.
You should know all of my closest friends are quite eccentric, and gifted in some way. She is a published writer, and a gifted artist. The last time we saw one another was at her Mother’s funeral in February. We keep in contact by computer, phone calls then when there is simply too much to share we meet up to sort of feed off each others energy. She speeds me up when I am lingering in doubt, and I slow her down when she’s lost in a rapid blur.
Today’s topic was initially about our families. We have raised our children together over the last 26 years so most of our great talks start with chatter about their lives. Then we invariably spiritually collide. Having both recently experienced long illness care-taking, and the deaths of our loved ones today’s conversation was about realizing the importance of being a part of the end of someone else’s journey. She has the ability to see things from a wide-screen point of observation, and clearly see’s everyone’s purpose in a situation. I am more empathically inclined.I process more on an emotional realm.
In two hours we decided that our roles were supportive both medically, and on a much deeper level emotionally. We both realize that life is much shorter at this junction, so like so many others before us we must decide to live mindfully, and joyfully in the moments. Perhaps more open to accepting life as it happens rather than expecting the plan we had in our heads to materialize. I think our experiences have softened our prior points of view. We also decided that there should always be more time to eat lunch with your favorite Guru. 😉
She opened the door to her dressing room searching for the expression on my face. Our relationship is one where we do not require each others words only our facial expressions. She stood there with very little makeup, her long light brown hair hanging below her shoulders, in a champagne colored vintage laced bridal gown embellished in tiny pearls, and jewels. She was so stunning that I literally felt my heart stop. No one has ever looked as beautiful as our daughter looked in that moment.
I know that she knew it was her dress before she even opened the dressing room door, but she wanted to see my face. I love knowing that she knows me so well. I am grateful that she values my opinion in the same way that I value hers. I am also glad that she could read my face in that moment because there were truly no words that could have explained her beauty in that moment, or how absolutely perfect her dress was for her.
Her wedding gown is graceful, classic,and timeless just like she is. Our bridal consultant smiled at me with a knowing look. It was the second gown she had tried on. There were no “Bridezilla” moments. We followed my sister’s advice to try on three other gowns. It was great advice because it only confirmed how absolutely perfect her choice was. Life holds extraordinary moments for us all. If we are fortunate enough to be fully present in the moment we experience immeasurable amounts of joy. I will never forget that moment in my life. The way she looked, and how I felt. The truth is that our Daughter is unforgettable in every way. 😉
The problem with telling the truth is that everyone claims that they want to hear it, but the truth is the majority of people really don’t like telling the truth. Maybe Jack Nicholson would have been more correct if he had said “You can’t handle telling the truth!” One of my favorite in-laws called me this morning. She was feeling really upset by some recent gatherings among the family that she felt both her, and her sister had been selectively excluded from attending. I listened with great empathy because I know how exclusive this bunch can be first hand.
This weekend involved an annual 3 day gathering where numerous family members rented cabins in a park. Saturday was an invite for a family picnic that everyone was invited to with great openness. Her issues were with all the other less than open gatherings among a certain click within the family circle. Let me say to you right up front I have been a member of this family for 33 years, and I am not an invited member within this particular group. I am personally okay with the exclusion. Since she grew up with these family members, and had always previously been included to the exclusive click she was very hurt by her obvious exclusion.
She went further to say she actually expressed her feelings to one of the Aunts (A queen bee in the click), and she was further hurt because she could tell that the explanation she received was a lie. She went further to let me know that there was a great deal of anger over our loved one who recently passed’s private internment service the evening prior to the huge family reunion. This was a decision made by our loved one’s wife. Her request was just the immediate family.
I am a huge fan of the truth. Even if it is uncomfortable for those involved because I believe that it is the only way to build genuine bonds between people. It’s also a great way to keep misunderstandings at bay. What happens when you know the truth, but the truth is not yours to tell? In this case I do happen to know why she was excluded. Unfortunately I am bound by the confidence of another family member not to speak about the reason.
Since I had given my promise not to share this information I kept my word. I feel very badly about the entire situation. So I simply told her that I was sorry that she had been hurt. I told her that I couldn’t explain the behavior of the others within the exclusive click. I will never understand how mistreating someone could be easier than just truthfully telling someone what they did to offend you, and allowing them a chance to explain, apologize, or fix the damage.
I personally would have given an open invitation to anyone who wanted to have attended our loved one’s internment, but it was not my decision. I find it ironic that the exclusive click was so indignant about someone else’s choice to be exclusive. The problem with telling the truth is that so many people rarely do so. 😉
I have been on auto-pilot for so long that I almost forgot what it takes to rejoin the land of the living. I have laid awake night after night filled with anxiety over all the things that need to be done. It’s almost like someone had shot me in the neck with some poisonous dart that paralyzed every part of me. Only leaving just enough of my brain to worry,and agonize. A dart so poisonous that it actually incapacitated the once awesome “Magical Vagina,” as if menopause needs another collaborator in that department.
When you lose something you have a couple of choices on how to retrieve what’s been lost. You can try to retrace your steps in search of where you last remember having what was lost. If you actually remember where you lost something you can see if there is a lost & found department to search. You might even enlist the help of your friends to help you look. The point being that you have the capability of knowing where & how to begin. When you have lost yourself the search is a little trickier.
My loved one who was actually physically incapacitated, (No,not by a poisonous dart!) woke up every single day, and found a way to face his life with a sense of purpose. He did not live in the past. He did not live in the future. He lived mindfully in the moment. When he was lost he did not go in search of himself, he simply started over. Like “Nike” he just did it! He was a total bad-ass. Which makes it pretty impossible for me to spend any more time feeling sorry for myself.
So this morning I woke up pulled the poisonous dart out of my neck, and made my husband’s lunch. I drank my coffee while I washed my car. Then I did my dishes, took a shower, and went to work. I took my Mom shopping, paid the bills, ordered flowers for my loved one, and cooked dinner. I accomplished all of this with one thought in my mind. Who shot me in the neck with that poisonous dart? 😉
Making my way back to the “Land Of The Living” is like having your brain suddenly awaken to collide with your body that has seemingly been operating on auto-pilot. I don’t know about anyone else out there, but I seem to have the ability to send my physical body to attend to regular every day functions while my mind wanders off to a whole other place managing completely different matters.
I spent the entire day yesterday try to reconnect my mind with my physical being. For me that entails actually looking at life with my physical eyes rather than my thoughts. If any of this has you scratching your head, and running for that next cup of coffee to try to figure out what I’m trying to explain, you should pat yourself on the back because by this point I’m not even sure I’ve had enough coffee to describe this phenomena.
As for those of you who know exactly what I’m describing I would love to hear your explanation of this ability to emotionally/mentally leave your body in order to attend to the more spiritual demands in your life, while your body goes through the motions of attending to the physical demands in your life. The best way I can describe this is by saying its kind of like getting in your car to drive somewhere, and all of a sudden you realize you’ve reached your destination with no recall of the actual driving process. This is an absolutely a horrifying realization when you are talking about driving, and a very enigmatic feeling when you realize you’ve been living your life on some sort of auto-pilot.
My theory is that this is some sort of coping mechanism for the events in our lives that have the potential to bring you to your proverbial knees. Maybe its some sort of hyper energy reserve that humans can draw from in order to be able to survive, while experiencing spiritual developmental growth spurts. I will have to give this a lot more thought, but not while I’m driving! 😉
I am sickened by the horrible acts human beings are capable of inflicting upon one another, and I am frightened by the undercurrent of a vastly growing trend of tension among people who once upheld the idea of equality for all, who now are questioning their stance of this belief system. I am not some “Pollyanna” who believes that racism can be eliminated, but I do believe that we can do a significantly better job of upholding justice for all.
We are continuously bombarded with false racial concepts regarding all races by a media whose main interest is in perpetuating a higher viewing audience. We are bombarded with negative racial attacks on every form of social media on a 24/7 basis. We are all guilty of racism at some point, or another whether we admit it or not; but I see a rapidly growing number of people who had at one time strongly upheld the concept of no racial division wavering because they feel they are constantly being portrayed as the only race capable of racism.
I am an olive complected female predominately of Jewish,Greek, Italian, German,& Irish decent (according to my D.N.A. results by Ancestry. com), most people think that I am Hispanic if I am rocking a pretty decent tan. Without a tan I think most people would identify me as a white female. My family on all sides happens to be highly mixed with regard to racial decent. We represent all the races on the check your race boxes- Asian, Black, White, Hispanic, and other. If we were to all be present at a family gathering we would be the ideal representation of all races. I am extremely proud of this fact. I believe that if God had intended for only one race to matter then only one race would have been created.
Last week in the middle of watching our loved one slipping away, I awoke to the nightmare that our son had been brutally attacked by 3 other grown males of another shared race. My son who is almost 24 years old has made the conscious decision to never drink, and drive. We are very proud of the fact that if he feels that he has drank more than he should he will either call for a cab, or take his skateboard out of the trunk of his car to ride home.
It was about 12:30 p.m.he was coming home from a friend’s house riding his long-board (a more expensive slightly bigger skateboard) he saw two other adult males when suddenly another male jumped in front of him knocking him off his long-board onto the road. Then the other two males ran up, and one grabbed the board while the other two men began to beat my son. Our son is a pretty big guy, but he knows size is of no matter when you are facing 3 against one. So he grabbed one of the males pulled him to the ground, and fought him without relent. When the two other males could not free their friend they began to both kick my son repeatedly in the face, head, and the back. At this point someone must have called the police to report the mugging.
As the police officers arrived they witnessed the other two men running away with the long-board leaving their friend behind. The police officers pried our son off of his attacker with great force. We understand that the officers were not aware of the details of the attack so their primary goal was to save the other man who my son was on top of, refusing to let go of his hold on him. We live in a rather large city where the police have been accused of profiling some races over another so because of all the racial tension they are reluctant to perform their duties as officers particularly when race issues are present. The proverbial scale being tipped in another unjust balance for fear of being accused of racism. The officers on call were the same race as my son. So after trying to calm the situation both my son, and his attacker were set free. No arrest was made because of the current racial situation in not only our city but our entire country.
My son was beaten, and robbed. If this story had been reported by the media no one would have labeled this a hate crime that was motivated by racism, because we have created a social climate where only certain races are viewed as being capable of hate crimes. Which is equally as racist as saying only certain races are committing crimes. As this continues to become increasingly more prevalent in our country I feel that we will create a racial divide so immense that we may never be able to repair its damage. In my opinion if we are going to dole out the terms race crime, hate crime then we will have to dole them out to every crime involving differences of race. I find this labeling to be as ridiculous as the practice of a parent hitting a child for striking another child while simultaneously issuing the command of “Don’t hit!”
In my opinion a very logical first step towards equality would be to replace all such labels with the label of crime against a human being, or humanity. An even better solution would be to report all such stories with simply a truthful account of the actual facts. 😉