The best way to escape the depths of heartbreak is to submerge yourself into the people who know, and love you the most. There is no greater comfort than to be able to sit in the living room with your blinds closed, phones turned off, air conditioner on high wrapped in your softest blankets, sleeping, watching movies, completely able to be yourself. Yesterday my husband, our son, and our daughter woke up early and went to breakfast to say goodbye to all our out-of-state family who came for our loved ones funeral. There were 26 of us sitting outside eating together. A final gathering after all had been said, and done.
Over 200 people came to our loved one’s funeral. It was an amazing outpouring of love for a man who was never truly aware that he had been so loved by so many. I found myself still without words, but I listened intently to the beautiful words of all the others. After the service we held a huge party to celebrate in the way we always have together over the years. The celebration lasted for hours. I am sure our loved one would have been entirely pleased. I felt like a ghost most of the day, completely dazed by the intensity of it all. We were still reeling from the brutal ten days before his actual passing. We did somehow manage to keep going all the way through till the goodbye breakfast the following morning.
After breakfast it was just the four of us. We went back to our home, and for the first time in months there was the feeling of calm that always takes over when it’s just us. We are close so there was no need for words. Each fell into their usual places, comforted by the calm, and I watched each of them fall gently asleep. I kept quietly watching them all as they slept. I watched the movie playing in the background. I went quietly back, and forth to the kitchen preparing our dinner. I was comforted by their presence, it seemed to lift me from my dazed existence. They remind me that even in the deepest moments of heartbreak that everything will still be okay. My cup runneth over.