Archive for August, 2015
I believe that every event in our lives takes us down a road that presents each of us with an array of journeys. Each path presents a different life lesson that’s just waiting to teach us something. The trick is avoiding the emotional quicksand, because it has the ability to delay us from walking down as many roads as we possibly can during our brief time of existence. I thinks it’s up to each of us to personally decide exactly how many roads we want to travel.
Some will travel as many roads as they possibly can. Some will linger a little longer along the way in some places soaking up a bit more of certain destinations. Others may choose to only travel a couple of paths in a more extensive way. I tend to think those souls who are faced with a much more difficult journey than others are your more evolved souls. These beautiful people are not only here to learn their particular life lessons, but they are here to enhance our life lessons.
The emotional quicksand is everywhere, and nobody gets a free pass from slipping into it every now, and again. I feel like I have just climbed out of a very deep, unnecessary extended stay in the quicksand. I am done wallowing, living in fear. I’m still afraid.The difference is that I’m ready to clean myself off, and head down a new path. I’ve finally reached the point where I feel like my fear is worse than moving forward, and possibly facing a more difficult journey. 😉
Anyone out there who can relate?…
I have a theory about the true romantics of this world.We all know those amazing people who never seem able to find “The One.” As a self-proclaimed people watcher, over the years I have started to notice that this group shares some commonalities.They are smart, warm, funny, great at analyzing everyone else’s wonderful lives, and they all hate the whole dating thing! These true romantics are not interested in the appetizers, or salads of life they prefer to go straight to the main course.
They are the realists who don’t doubt the power of love, or fear the monotony of having a routine from day-to-day. They seem to know that incredible joy lies within what others might fear to be a just plain ordinary life. They are not the run away brides/grooms who wake up on their wedding day in the middle of an anxiety attack. They are the ones who run down the aisle so they can wake up, and begin their lives with the feeling of contentment never second guessing the idea that they didn’t choose the right person.
So why is it that these people never seem to be able to find “The One”? My theory is that we are all placed here to learn certain lessons in life. The true romantics intrinsically seem to understand the lesson of the importance of sharing your life with “The One” so the Universe places them on another journey so that they can experience the importance of other lessons their souls are have not yet learned.
Pink Floyd said “You can’t have any pudding until you eat your meat!” Maybe the Universe is saying “You can’t have your main course until you learn the importance of the appetizers, and the salads in life.” 😉
I’m beginning to wonder if we are dealing with some mental impairment that we are unaware of, or if our daughter’s future MIL simply enjoys stirring up drama. Maybe it’s even some deep down old fashion jealousy, but poor baby girl has her hands full with this soon-to-be MIL! Future MIL is single so the kids try to make it a point to invite her over for dinner a couple of times a month.
Last night started off on a bad foot anyways (some pun intended here 😉 ) because future MIL who does not allow anyone to wear their shoes inside of her home insists on keeping her shoes on when she visits the kids. Did I mention the kids have a sign hanging on the door politely requesting that shoes be removed upon entering? A sign that was placed in hopes of not having to ask for the same respect that is not so politely demanded by the MIL at her home.
Our daughter knows that this is a passive aggressive act directed primarily towards her so when the MIL remarked that her shoes were just too difficult to remove, our baby girl smiled politely meanwhile envisioning prancing through MIL’s home with her most difficult “strappies”. Then it happened again! MIL who was told directly at the last dinner that the kids do not want to buy a home with a MIL suite on grounds. That they did not want to have anyone living with them other than their own offspring looks them both in the face, and announces again that they need to purchase a home with a MIL suite!
My poor future son-in-law looks directly back at his Mother, and firmly replies ” As we said before Mom that is not something we want.” MIL then stares him right in the face, and says ” Is that something you don’t want, or is that something she doesn’t want?” Well folks that’s the point where our baby girl jumps up looks MIL straight in the eyes, and replies “That’s something I don’t want!” Then future son-in-law stands next to baby girl, and says “We Mom, we.” Just when you think you could not possibly be any prouder of both young adults, they move to a much gentler tone explaining that it is not personal. That they would not want anyone else to live with them. That even if they were not just beginning their lives together, that this is how they are choosing to live their lives.
I’m not sure which part of the way they chose to handle this most difficult decision together makes me the proudest. Our daughter’s instinct to protect our future son-in-law, or her inner strength to stand up for her choices in life. Our future son’s ability to stand up for his future wife under the worst possible scenario, of being forced to settle a difference between the two most important women in his life. Their firm, but compassionate way of dealing with MIL. It’s simply impossible to choose. 😉
“It’s so dark , why can’t you see the things I see?” Those were the words that left me frozen in my steps, while my mind reminded me that I needed to take the scissors from his tightly gripped hand. It’s strange because at that moment I was more afraid of his words than I was of the scissors, or the tiny stream of blood that ran slowly down my arm. I think he instinctively understood that I wasn’t afraid of him, but for him.
He is so much smarter than most of the people I know, this fact is often overlooked by most people who can not see past his initial demeanor. It’s natural to fear, and misread things we are unfamiliar with, it’s a protective instinct. I am familiar with this type of reaction, so I know that he is not violent. I know that he is afraid of the things he sees.The things that I cannot see. I also know the self-hatred, the pain, and the shame he will feel when he is finally able to see the glimmer of light that will eventually emerge into the darkened corners of his mind.
If I had one wish in this life it would not be for money, or power. It would be to cure all mental illness. We are learning more everyday, but the pace is much too slow for all those who have to endure it’s devastating symptoms.Their suffering is worsened by the crushing weight of the stigma associated with society’s perception of mental illnesses. We may not be able to find a cure at this very moment in time, but we can at the very least launch the very same dedication to public awareness as we have towards the negative affects of smoking. After all smoking is a choice, and that is certainly not the case with mental illnesses.
“We all find ourselves in a darkened
room from time to time.
For those that fight the demons daily,
may the sun continue to shine until
you finally can find the light.”
After 32 years of marriage, and last year’s really harsh events I had decided to surprise my husband with weekend of romance at a secluded get-away for our anniversary. Some things are just not meant to be. I came down with a wicked stomach virus that left me hugging the throw-up can instead of my man! We are talking about a very unsexy look. My hair pulled up in a pony tail as I proceeded to throw-up for 16 hours straight.
So instead of full body massages, walks on the beach, and romantic dinners we spent the weekend trying to hold me together. Not at all what I had envisioned for our special celebration. Instead he took care of me. He brought me ice chips, and Ginger ale. We sat quietly between my constant runs to the bathroom, and talked about the millions of moments that had been entwined into 32 years of marriage. It reminded me of something I had once seen in a movie called “How To Make An American Quilt.”
There is a scene in the movie where Winona Rider’s character is wrestling with the idea of whether she is ready to be married. The whole movie is beautifully written, and it takes you through the other characters individual experiences with their marriages. In one particular scene one of the women in her life brings out a poem that a man had written about marriage.
“Young lovers seek perfection.
Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together,
and of seeing beauty in a multiplicity
In life we have very fixed ideas of how we think things should be. Then there are those moments when the Universe sends you free-falling in another direction completely. Reminding us that beauty can be found in even the most unexpected moments. Real romance exists in the unscripted portions of our lives, we just have to be open to seeing them. 😉
The thing that worries me the most about becoming a mother-in-law is the fact that we are never truly able to see ourselves through the eyes of another person. The margins for misinterpretation are wide. Not to mention our natural inclination to see your own child’s perceptions of situations. It’s pretty scary stuff! I think the first thing we have to do is keep in mind that just because someone is your child (that’s just a forever thing), they are no longer a child. They are adults who are perfectly capable of running their own lives. They will make mistakes, but if we interfere with this huge part of being married we will be altering their destiny. Possibly to the point of removing their ability to bond as a couple. Bonding within a relationship strengthens through our ability to face problems, and solve them together.
Being someone’s Mom is tricky territory once they become adults. As mothers we have nurtured, and overseen our children’s lives constantly even when they have been completely unaware of our efforts. It requires us to recondition ourselves after years of unending “mommyhood” to going back to being who we were before we became Moms. It would be a lot easier if there was some kind of mommy on and off switch, but life’s journeys are never that simple so I have come up with a list of reminders to try to keep myself in line.
- Treat your adult children’s marriage with the same respect you would give to adults who were not your children. (Mind your own business)
- Have faith that you have raised your children to be capable adults, keeping in mind that growth occurs through making mistakes, and learning to solve them together.
- Your new son-in-law, or daughter-in-law becomes one of your adult children after the marriage so treating them with the same respect you show to the children you have raised is equally important.
- Be supportive without interference, and only give suggestions when you have been asked for advice.
- If you do catch yourself violating any of the above rules apologize, and try harder.
All relationships take time to build, and I am looking forward to the years to come with my future son-in-law. I’m sure that I will make mistakes along the way. I just would like to build a foundation of respect for his place as her partner in life. So when I do make a slip he can at least count on me to autocorrect. 😉
You know I used to jokingly refer to Microsoft as “Big Brother”, didn’t realize it was an aspiration – g2
Windows 10 is amazing. Windows 10 is fantastic. Windows 10 is glorious. Windows 10 is faster, smoother and more user-friendly than any Windows operating system that has come before it. Windows 10 is everything Windows 8 should have been, addressing nearly all of the major problems users had with Microsoft’s previous-generation platform in one fell swoop.
But there’s something you should know: As you read this article from your newly upgraded PC, Windows 10 is also spying on nearly everything you do.
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