The { } And – g2

Can you imagine if you could sit down with a particularly significant ex and ask them all the questions you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask?

I’m torn. There are a few things I would like to know from my past sigs, but none that I would want to answer. Not because I couldn’t, but because my responses would inflict unnecessary trauma, or open hope where there is none any longer.

If you could ask someone from your past anything you wanted, who would it be and what would you ask?

Source: The { } And

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  1. #1 by innerdragon on September 3, 2015 - 4:17 pm

    I never got any closure from one of my most sig exs. That was hard for me for years and years, particularly because of my OCD and it became one of my strongest intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what I’d do or say if I had the opportunity to sit down with him suddenly. I guess it no longer matters if my name is clear or if he’s okay with how things went or if he knows how much I did care. These things seemed so life and death back in the day. Thank god the OCD grip has left that topic. It took over a decade.

    • #2 by g2 on September 3, 2015 - 6:10 pm

      I have and fully understand the desire to want “closure”, sometimes so much I could drive myself up a wall… but then I had to realize (over many….many… years) closure is like wanting to bottle unicorn farts. It sounds wonderful, but making efforts to obtain it just leaves you empty-handed, hurt, angry, disappointed, stressed, and sadder than before. It sucks, and it’s so HARD to accept, right?

      How about now? It sounds kind of like you still harbor a good bit about this one even after all this time. Sometimes time doesn’t heal as much as quickly as we like, does it? What would you ask him if you had the chance?

  2. #3 by g2 on September 3, 2015 - 6:30 pm

    I realized I failed to answer my own question. At some point in my development I became the person who walks away without turning back so its difficult for me to pick just one and make it a good question. It’s simply easier to take on the mindset of “meh, I can do better, just watch,” than dwelling over the ones that couldn’t be.

    I sound like a dick, I get that, but ironically I’m actually still friendly with several of my exes and I am actually more nostalgic and soft-hearted than I seem. Couple of them we have actually had this discussion, in doses over long periods of time to keep the bulk of the emotion out, but it was an eye-opening experience for us.

    I suppose if anything, I would want to ask my former spouse if they ever really loved me at all.

    You see, they were very co-dependant and emotionally demanding, but not very giving of such and hyper-critical as a means of manipulation. When I finally had it and left, they moved in someone else in with them five months later.

    Five months.

    For me, five months was a blink and I was still just trying to get my head on straight and forcing myself to inhale, exhale and do basic functions. In fact, I didn’t date again until two years later and found it terrifying, especially that first one. Were my emotions deeper? Was their love of me the kind you have for a goldfish you got at discount? It’s kind of how it felt.

    I know what they would have said had I ever asked (OF COURSE I DID!..), which is why I never bothered and it still would have felt like a lie. Of course, my former spouse died of an aggressive cancer a few years ago, so that will prevent me from ever being stupid enough to try to ask that question. Deep, deep down, I really do know better…. I think.

    As for what I would never want to answer… I met the perfect person a few years after I divorced, they were everything I’d ever wanted and then some. Fun, trusting, trustworthy, embraced everyone in my life as though they’d been a part of theirs forever and they were well adored in return. They wanted to get married. I used my mom’s recent death as a reason to refuse, which was partially true.

    The truth was I just didn’t love them that way and I still don’t know why not.

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