The Worst Thing My Husband Ever Said To Me (G-uno)

Marriage can be difficult even in it’s best moments. We are capable of incredible damage with just one slip of the tongue. The moment when your otherwise harmless organ turns into a razor-sharp blade with the ability to make a cut so deep that even the most skilled plastic surgeon would be unable to hide the scar left behind. I remember the moment when four little words brought me to my knees. Simple words, that suddenly had the power to emotionally cut me in half. “You don’t like me.”

It was, and to this very day is the worst thing my husband has ever said to me! What made it so horribly painful was the fact that he actually believed what he had said. The man who had been my best friend through every single event in my life for over thirty years was standing before me believing that I no longer liked him.

I know what your thinking. Oh big damn deal some of you have heard name calling, fuck yous, I hate you, I cheated on you, and a lot of other horrible things that on the surface seem like much worse things to say. I get all of that, but the very idea that I had somehow given my husband even the slightest notion that I didn’t like him was deeply painful to me. It had never even crossed my mind that this thought would be something anyone could convince him of, under any circumstance, least of all me.

Somewhere along the way something I had said, or done had cut him so deeply that he harbored this thought. My mind was spinning. How could he believe something so awful? Why didn’t he say something until that moment? God, how long has he been thinking this way? Most importantly how could I have not picked up on something so big between us? In my mind I guess I felt exempt from this kind of miscommunication between us. It was a huge wake up call. A reminder that I had been complacent. That I had taken him for granted,assuming that I knew how he felt, and that he knew how I felt.

Relationships are not self-sustaining states of being. They are ever-changing, living organisms that require you to be present. They need attention, and maintenance to survive. If we are really smart about our relationships we will do way better than just trying to survive. We will put in the wiser goal of thriving. 😉

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  1. #1 by elementhealing on September 15, 2015 - 6:37 pm

    I agree. Everything is energy. When we choose to share our energy with someone else, that combined energy becomes a new thing and must be nurtured. I hope you and your husband have worked this out. ❤

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on September 15, 2015 - 8:21 pm

      Thank you for weighing in on this subject. I am happy to say that we did work this out, but it did take a few months to get to a point where he was able to get back to where we were. My first step was to profusely apologize for my complacency, and for not being more present. I think that sincerity coupled with a humble apology was a great starting point, but a few months of some careful self examination based on the things that contributed to his feeling that way were key. Holding someone’s heart in your hands comes with some hefty responsibilities. I never want to feel that kind of hurt again, but more importantly I never want him to feel that way again. 😉 G-uno

      • #3 by elementhealing on September 15, 2015 - 8:35 pm

        I am so happy for you. There is obviously a great deal of love between you.

        • #4 by idioglossiablog on September 15, 2015 - 8:39 pm

          Thank you. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? G-uno

          • #5 by elementhealing on September 15, 2015 - 8:53 pm

            Similar yes, but it didn’t turn out happily. I loved him but he was not the man in private that he appeared to be in public. He was abusive and beat me so far down that I had no self worth left. It took 10 years to get myself and son away. Five years after that to find myself again and heal. Now I want to do what I can to be a help to others. I am very happy to not be in a relationship but also happy to see others that can make it work and be friends and lovers for decades. This is proof that love can be forever when it’s real.

          • #6 by idioglossiablog on September 15, 2015 - 9:10 pm

            You are incredibly strong. I have so much respect for your strength, and your immense love for your son! I’m even more in awe of your loving view towards other people’s relationships after enduring such brutality from your ex. You are a warrior, and an excellent role model to your son, as well as the rest of us. G-uno

          • #7 by elementhealing on September 15, 2015 - 9:27 pm

            Thank you

  2. #8 by Jay on September 16, 2015 - 12:01 am

    Relationships are hard work and take a lot of nurturing. I’ve been there before for sure. It’s surprising, the things that cut us most deep. But I guess the most important thing is how we come back from the mistakes that we make – even just the misunderstandings.

    • #9 by idioglossiablog on September 16, 2015 - 6:48 pm

      Wise words for sure! How we speak to one another is so important. I didn’t even realize that certain things I had said were so important to him. I have to work on listening as closely to everyone who is well, as I do to those who are not. I think I’m like an E.R. doctor. I look around to see who is the most injured, and then that’s where my focus goes. I am working really hard on this side of myself. G-uno

  3. #10 by Brian on September 16, 2015 - 8:01 pm

    I like the analogy of a relationship being a living thing that needs nurturing. That time you spent doing your own inner diagnosis was also time well spent. An apology would be worthless with out the determination to not make the same error again. Glad you’ve been able to work things out – it’s never easy.

    • #11 by idioglossiablog on September 17, 2015 - 2:55 pm

      Thanks Brian. Your so right about the apology. It was a good start because I truly felt awful, but apologies are enough. Correcting your own behavior is tricky since we rarely see ourselves the way others do. So I have asked my husband to give me a cue that let’s me know I may be treading down the wrong path. It’s a nice way of getting my attention so that I can put myself back on track before I wander too far off the beaten trail. 😉 G-uno

  4. #12 by Retha Fogelson on September 18, 2015 - 8:33 am

    I am sorry, that has interfered… At me a similar situation. It is possible to discuss.

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