Subdiffusion Confusion (G-uno)

He use to always be so comfortable around me. Then one day all the comfort disappeared, it was replaced with an uncomfortable nervousness. I could see in his eyes that he still loved me, but now there was no eye contact, it had been replaced by a look of shame.

He use to love to come to our home, but now he stays away. He had the look of someone filled with guilt. I probably would have never known why if we both hadn’t of run into each other at the long-term facility so often. He is my loved ones brother.

The male in-laws in our family are not as caddy as the women. Kinder, more willing to give getting to know you a chance. The women are more clanish, passive aggressive. My sister-in-law is the worst. A funny thing happens whenever she has spent time with someone in the family who likes me. They suddenly have a change of heart.

I am smart enough to know this, but I refuse to chase after someone who believes what someone else says about another person without asking them their side of things. Also if someone can change someone else’s opinion of you with such ease, then there’s really no point Β to trying to reverse their opinion. People believe what they want to believe.

Then one day as we stood face to face at the sign out desk of the long-term facility. I was leaving, as he was coming. I hugged him, and we joked about my MIL being annoyed with me again. Then his whole facial expression changed, he looked down at his feet then back up to my eyes.

With the saddest look he said “You really can’t catch a break can you.” It was a knowing statement, not a question. I searched his eyes. I could see he felt badly for knowing about all the negative crap his nieces, and sisters say about me.

Maybe he felt guilty for listening, or even worse not standing up for me. So I replied “Don’t worry I know, but please keep in mind that while they are all trashing me I am here everyday by their father, and your brother’s side.” πŸ˜‰

 

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  1. #1 by emmagc75 on November 16, 2015 - 8:51 pm

    What is wrong with people like that? I just don’t get the idea of spreading strife and misery. But he should feel guilty because when good people stand by and do nothing? That is just sad. Hope you’re well xoxo!

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on November 16, 2015 - 10:09 pm

      It’s a mystery to me! Thanks for the support. I’m always surprised that as long as I’ve been in this family it still hurts my feelings. Venting helps though. πŸ˜‰ G-uno

      • #3 by emmagc75 on November 17, 2015 - 2:25 am

        Because you have a good heart. Your hubby is lucky you put up with his family lol. And yes venting keeps us sane πŸ™‚

        • #4 by idioglossiablog on November 17, 2015 - 11:33 pm

          Thank you. Kindred spirits. πŸ˜‰ G-uno

          • #5 by emmagc75 on November 18, 2015 - 10:57 pm

            Definitely πŸ™‚

    • #6 by g2 on November 18, 2015 - 5:32 pm

      My own family is a lot like this.. the asshole factor, I mean. I would bet it’s guilt. Like he felt like he didn’t do enough to stop it. You know when you’re family is spreading venom, and you know when the bad guy is the one you’re related to, but getting into a mass fight over one person is very difficult. The P-A are the most difficult since they will find ways to get back at you for it for years if not forever. Ignoring them is just easier. But their opinions affect others and that’s where the problem lies. A sense of justice will often push you into these fights, but they just get nowhere.

      My family has been lucky in love, but they’ve generally been kind of pricks. When my uncle (by blood) was getting a divorce from my aunt (not, but supremely awesome person), she became Grand’s enemy number 1. Same when I divorced, even though I have yet to talk to anyone in my family about why and still stay in touch with my in-laws, whom I still consider family. Leaving them out of everything is just easier.

      • #7 by emmagc75 on November 20, 2015 - 11:39 am

        That sucks but yes sometimes it’s better to just let it go.

      • #8 by emmagc75 on November 20, 2015 - 11:41 am

        Oh n when my Uncle left his girlfriend of over 10 years? We chose her lol. He’s a selfish ass n she’s a sweet wonderful person πŸ™‚

  2. #10 by Lynz Real Cooking on November 17, 2015 - 12:01 am

    so sorry:)

  3. #13 by Polysyllabic Profundities on November 17, 2015 - 12:46 am

    Vent away….we all feel your worth and it is their loss.

  4. #15 by robertmgoldstein on November 17, 2015 - 3:25 am

    Your answer was perfect.

    Learning NOT to inflict one’s disordered personality on others is called manners. It sounds like
    your xtended family needs a thrashing from Miss Manners.

    • #16 by idioglossiablog on November 17, 2015 - 11:21 pm

      Beaming over here! πŸ™‚ My sentiments as well, I just wish I could get past letting this sort of behavior hurt my feelings. Thanks for the support. G-uno

      • #17 by robertmgoldstein on November 18, 2015 - 7:18 am

        Given the amazing amount of me that I don’t inflict on others…I rarely allow people who are too lazy to control a piddling problem with an overweening entitlement hurt my feelings. πŸ™‚

      • #20 by g2 on November 18, 2015 - 5:38 pm

        It’s hard, you’re a warm empathic person who loves people, fixing people, healing people, letting them push their negative feels onto you to help them bear it… to have this many people who are so broken and directing their attention to hurting you is just BS. Of course it hurts.

        With my own family, after being the black sheep longer than I will ever know, indifference is my best defense. If I let on that I care, about anything they say, it will become like a scab they won’t hesitate to rip off and start digging into. Sure, it hurts. I’ve never had their level of greed, I’ve never been anything like them, but the perception they have of me is just awful and I do not understand why.

        So basically, you’re doing the right thing. The fact it irks the shit out of them means you won a long time ago, they just haven’t wanted to acknowledge it yet.

        • #21 by idioglossiablog on November 18, 2015 - 7:27 pm

          Thanks g2 I appreciate your take on this. I really shouldn’t be so hurt by this, but I must say I like the indifference approach. I just have the problem of being unable to control my facial responses as you well know. πŸ˜‰ I’m pretty much an open book that way. G-uno

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