Last Night Was Brutal (G-uno)

By the time I got to her house she had already opened her first bottle of wine, and as she poured her next glass she asked me “Why?” I stood there frozen in time. I could literally feel the pain flowing from her body. I didn’t know why. I only knew that if in that moment If I could erase what she must have been feeling I would have moved Heaven, and Earth to do so.
It was as though my throat was incapable of uttering a sound. The ache of what felt like a huge knot in my throat blocked every thought that ran through my head. Then to make matters worse, tears began to stream down my cheeks. Yep, I was a total rock. On my drive over to her house I practiced being strong, and positive. I carefully thought of all the things I could say that would bring her some kind of relief.
Then I saw her standing there waiting for me to say the words that might stop her pain, and every word that I had rehearsed inside my head disappeared. She knows me. She knows that when I am overwhelmed I cry. For a brief second she looked relieved by my tears, then she asked me if I thought he was having an affair.
This time my words pushed their way through the huge knot in my throat that seemed to be growing larger every second, and I told “Her absolutely not.” She searched my eyes, just to make sure that I wasn’t feeding her a line of crap. Then she began to cry uncontrollably asking me over, and over “Then why, why is he doing this?”
I looked into her pain filled eyes, and told her I didn’t know why. Maybe he’s going through something we don’t know about. Maybe he is depressed, or sick.  We just need to take some time, and figure this out. The next few hours were brutal. She paced back, and forth questioning every conversation they’d had over the past few months.
She cried, and she questioned her every response to him. She was hurt, and angry. She kept saying” Who does this after 34 years?” “Who  waits till 6 days before Thanksgiving to move out, and take a break?” After all the pacing she finally sat down on the couch next to me. Then she asked me “What do I tell the kids when they get here?”
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  1. #1 by Rita on November 21, 2015 - 2:39 pm

    I am so very sorry ❤

  2. #3 by oceanswater on November 21, 2015 - 2:58 pm

    It seems to be happening more and more, especially after decades of marriage. I’m very sorry your friend is going through this.

    • #4 by idioglossiablog on November 21, 2015 - 3:01 pm

      Thank you. It’s funny that you notice this happening more, and more. Put that Virgo mind to work for me 😉 why do you think this is becoming so common? G-uno

      • #5 by oceanswater on November 21, 2015 - 3:29 pm

        Well while I believe a lot of it has to do with technology, I also think they no longer need to stay in a marriage that they perceive as “unsatisfactory” or “undesirable.” Many wait patiently as the final child has reached the age of maturity and then leave. But Men usually do not leave a marital home unless there is someone else waiting for them out there… Women on the other hand do and will. We no longer look like our grand parents when they were our ages and that keeps a person from putting up with crap that they have put up with for years. Many choose to put their heads in the sand during the interim and not see what is in front of them everyday. I think I wrote a post about this in late October when I was returning from Santa Fe. There was a great article in the newspaper about “silver generation” leaving their marriages.

        • #6 by idioglossiablog on November 21, 2015 - 5:59 pm

          Thank you for weighing in on this I will be sure to check that post out. This is a real shock for me because we are very close, and I know they are the exception to most marriages. It really helps to hear the perceptions of others who can be more objective about all this. Life views are entirely different in your fifties, and when you’ve raised children together. It would be a tragedy to see someone throw all of that away. G-uno

          • #7 by oceanswater on November 21, 2015 - 7:39 pm

            I put it in comments

  3. #8 by Polysyllabic Profundities on November 21, 2015 - 3:56 pm

    I found it difficult hitting the like button but I only did it because you were there for your friend. Sometimes all we can do is listen and just be there. xx

    • #9 by idioglossiablog on November 21, 2015 - 5:52 pm

      I usually have more to say ;), but I think I’m just dazed by the entire situation. I love them both, so I think it’s better not to speculate. Plus I felt so badly seeing her in so much pain. Thanks again for weighing in, it helps to hear other people’s perceptions. G-uno

  4. #12 by oceanswater on November 21, 2015 - 4:21 pm

  5. #13 by blahpolar on November 21, 2015 - 9:09 pm

    Poor thing 😦 it really is mystifying.

    • #14 by idioglossiablog on November 21, 2015 - 9:40 pm

      I keep thinking it must be something really big for him to make such a big move. In my heart of hearts I don’t think it’s another woman. G-uno

      • #15 by blahpolar on November 22, 2015 - 11:02 am

        I’m intrigued, I hope they work it out. He should’ve given her a better explanation.

        • #16 by idioglossiablog on November 22, 2015 - 12:59 pm

          I spoke to him last night. I did get to hear his side of things. 😦 G-uno

  6. #17 by robertmgoldstein on November 22, 2015 - 6:49 am

    Wow. That’s all I can say…when I read that this was the friend with the strip pole and something clicked…I thought, that’s a serious step for a woman to take…I get the feeling that she sensed something…

    • #18 by idioglossiablog on November 22, 2015 - 12:56 pm

      Your very perceptive I thought about that when I found out she was hurt. I even asked her if things were ok, but she just said she felt like they need something to spice things up. I didn’t question that answer, because I have been married myself for over 30 years, and Keeping things exciting takes some effort. I just thought she was being way more adventurous than the rest of us. G-uno

  7. #19 by emmagc75 on November 22, 2015 - 6:16 pm

    I’m so sorry for your friend n her family. Did they try marriage counseling? Moving out is a huge step. I also wonder if there’s someone else. Hope not. Hugs xo.

    • #20 by idioglossiablog on November 22, 2015 - 8:53 pm

      No marriage counseling, no signs ever of anything huge just normal marital issues. That’s what makes it so shocking. She asked him if there was someone else. He said no. I could be wrong but in my heart of hearts I believe him. Thank you G-uno

      • #21 by emmagc75 on November 22, 2015 - 10:12 pm

        I hope ur right. Why not try counseling before moving out?

        • #22 by idioglossiablog on November 25, 2015 - 7:07 pm

          Great question, I’m not even sure if that was discussed. G-uno

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