“We Aren’t In Kansas Anymore Dorothy” (G-uno)

Yesterday it took me awhile to try to gather all of my thoughts, my head was spinning from  all the trauma of the night before. I called her in the afternoon to make sure her girls arrived safely, and to see if she needed anything. I also asked her if it would be okay if I called to check on him. After a pause she said go ahead.
This is a really difficult situation because even though she, and I are closer I have also been his friend for many years. I know this man to be a kind, intelligent, and good person in every way. He has always been a great husband, and an amazing father. This is the couple everyone loves.
So I went over with some Pumpkin bread, he loves my my Pumpkin bread. I told him  “We’ve known each other long enough for me not to have to tell you  that I was just in the neighborhood.” He smiled, and asked me if she had sent me over to poison him with my Pumpkin bread. I smiled back, and reminded him I have a reputation to maintain with my bread, so poison was out.
He looked like shit. He asked me if she was okay, and I told him no she’s a mess. Then I asked him straight out “Why?” I told him that, that’s what she kept asking me most of the night. He looked me straight in the eyes, with no hesitation and said ” I just can’t do this any more.” My head was spinning, I  began to cry. He told me he just couldn’t talk to me anymore about this, that he just needed some time.
So I nodded, I stood up, hugged him, and then I left. I think some childlike part of me thought he would be able to explain all of this to me. That we would be able to joke, like we always do.That we could move forward, far away from whatever was causing all of this mess, but “We aren’t in Kansas anymore Dorothy.” 😦

 

 

 

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  1. #1 by Rita on November 22, 2015 - 2:28 pm

    Very sad indeed. Hugs to you ❤

  2. #2 by Lynz Real Cooking on November 22, 2015 - 2:35 pm

    Sad hugs!

  3. #3 by blahpolar on November 22, 2015 - 4:27 pm

    Poor her. Poor him. You’re being incredibly compassionate to them both, they’re fortunate to have you as a friend. Also poor you for the fact that it saddens you so much.

    • #4 by idioglossiablog on November 22, 2015 - 4:40 pm

      Thank you for your kindness, it means a lot to me. G-uno

  4. #5 by Jay on November 22, 2015 - 8:50 pm

    I’m sorry, it sounds like a tough situation.

    • #6 by idioglossiablog on November 22, 2015 - 8:56 pm

      Jay why do you think he’s not giving his reason for moving out, other than saying he needs a break? G-uno

  5. #7 by Polysyllabic Profundities on November 22, 2015 - 9:29 pm

    It’s hard feeling like you’re in the middle because you are friends with both of them. xx

  6. #8 by g2 on November 23, 2015 - 3:50 pm

    Not to be the jackass here but sounds like he is done, he just doesn’t know how to go about doing it without hurting anyone. Of course, that’s just impossible. I think oceanswater had a lot of valid points in their article:https://foreverdreamingoflove.wordpress.com/2015/11/02/after-all-the-time-invested-more-older-couples-divorcing/

    I think we also get to a point where we stop trying. The husband is disengaging and pushing away, so the wife responds by clinging more, trying harder. What should be seen as devotion is felt as annoyance. The best thing she can do for herself and this situation is start envisioning her life without him and begin to live it as such.

    Perhaps, in time, he will realize what he’s walking away from, or just be able to better communicate what he felt was skewed, but either way the mourning of this relationship needs to begin now if she’s ever going to be able to be happy again. This will not be fixed, he doesn’t want to.

    “I JUST CAN’T DO THIS ANY MORE”

    tells me he’s been playing a role and has had it.

    In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey had the following advice for the husband who complained he no longer loved his wife:

    ” At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, ‘Stephen, I like what you’re saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don’t love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?’

    ‘The feeling isn’t there anymore?’ I asked.

    ‘That’s right,’ he reaffirmed. ‘And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?’

    ‘Love her,’ I replied.

    ‘I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.’

    ‘Love her.’

    ‘You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.’

    ‘Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.’

    ‘But how do you love when you don’t love?’

    ‘My friend, love is a verb. Love — the feeling — is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?’

    In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They’re driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

    Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at thelove you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.”

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