Let The Divorce War Begin (G-uno)

The gloves are off, and the first retaliation has been dealt. What’s the expression “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” My friend had all the locks changed on their house, and their vacation home where hubby has been staying since he dropped his bombshell about moving out. I think if there had been any way possible she would have had the locks changed on the 24 year-old secretary’s place too. Hubby is pissed! He says that she has the main home which is more than fair. My friend told him she has everything since the moment he started fucking someone else.
The police say that since his name is on the title she has to give him access to the homes. The police are not the only outsiders involved in this now, my friend has retained a lawyer. She is moving on this faster than the speed of light. When I went over to their home (excuse me her home) there was very little evidence that he had ever existed. She has cut his face out of all the family photos, and shredded all pictures of just the two of them. All of his personal belongings that were not taken to their (excuse me her vacation house) are now being looked through by strangers at the local Salvation Army!
The police have advised her not to do anything else with his belongings. She told the police that she was not destructing his property, that she was cleaning her home for the holidays. That she always donates items she will no longer need to local charities. I personally am completely stressed out. I have asked her to call her lawyer before she makes any more changes. She responded with a middle finger, and deep glaring stare. I called her daughters to fill them in because they can tell their dad to get his ass to the Salvation Army before everything he owns goes to a new home.
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  1. #1 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 3:34 pm

    How sad for her… yet she has to go through the anger stage first. Unfortunately it won’t get him back. I would gracefully let him get his stuff out, but the police are correct she can’t not allow him to get his stuff out. Ha Ha, she must have read “waiting to exhale…”

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 3:39 pm

      I don’t think she’s working on a plan to get him back, it’s more like a plan to get back at him. G-uno

      • #3 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 3:41 pm

        See that’s why I say people never know what’s going on behind people’s closed doors. I think there is more here than is being told by one side.

        • #4 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 3:47 pm

          I would have to agree with that also. My grandmother always said” Every pancake has 2 sides.” I just want to say that there is NEVER an excuse to cheat. If your not happy with your relationship you have a right to leave it, but to start another one before you’ve finished the one you are in is not okay under any circumstance.
          G-uno

          • #5 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 4:09 pm

            I understand but I think many people don’t think the relationship will go any further than a short affair. Stupidly perhaps, but crap happens in life. It’s ideal for the person to “wait” until they are done with one relationship but not really realistic. I try not to judge another for their behavior, because they may have many reasons for doing what they are doing. She would not have taken it any easier if he had told her he was interested in someone else and was planning to leave the marriage.

          • #6 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 9:45 pm

            I have no idea whether his affair will go any further. I don’t think idealism has anything to do with choosing to be truthful with someone you have made an agreement with by entering a marriage. I am very much for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and remaining judgement free. I just stand by the fact that there is no excuse for cheating. There is always an opportunity to stand back take a moment, and do the right thing. Blatant acts of disrespect are conscious choices not accidents. I do not discard her husbands many good qualities because of his choice to have an affair, but she wasn’t given the choice to avoid his deceit. It was thrown in her face. If he had told her he wanted out of the marriage because he wanted to pursue a relationship with someone else she would have been hurt, and devastated. However she would have at least been respected. G-uno

          • #7 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 11:06 pm

            Unfortunately Millions of people go outside of their relationships all the time. Many make the decision not to leave the marriage, but to try to obtain what is “missing” in their marriages. There are many reasons that people choose to stay in relationships and still have affairs. If that were not the case, Ashley Madison would not have been successful.

  2. #8 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 3:39 pm

    The best revenge is living well! Act like he means nothing to her, just as he is showing her…

    • #9 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 3:41 pm

      Agreed, but having been married myself for over thirty years I’m pretty sure I would not take the high road either. 😉 G-uno

      • #10 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 3:44 pm

        Yes, we all behave differently. Personally I would not allow him to “think” he got the best of me by behaving like a mad woman. I would hold my head high and keep moving forward with the divorce. She will be seen as the better person.

        • #11 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 3:51 pm

          I will try to remind her of that but now isn’t the time. She is a very classy woman who has been treated in a very much less than classy way. G-uno

          • #12 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 4:12 pm

            I would not agree that SHE has been treated in less than a classy way. That is on him and the OW. The way she is behaving now is less than classy. She is showing that she can get down in the dirt with them…

          • #13 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 9:26 pm

            Well we have a difference of viewpoint here. I do think she has been treated in a less than classy way by both her husband, and his mistress. As for her less than classy behavior, well that’s a knee jerk reaction to her pain. I find it to be more classy than calculated deceit & lies. When she felt things were not going well she brought home a stripper pole and took lessons to try to help the situation. He chose to break his vows, step outside his marriage knowing that none of that would benefit them as couple in anyway. So I think I can get over what might be viewed as a lack of class on her part. G-uno

          • #14 by oceanswater on December 5, 2015 - 10:57 pm

            But the point is he didn’t want her on a stripper pole, he just no longer wanted her romantically and I believe some part of her knew that. It’s painful to recognize that our partners may be interested in some one else, but it happens.

          • #15 by idioglossiablog on December 7, 2015 - 5:17 am

            Too bad he was only thinking about himself. G-uno

          • #16 by oceanswater on December 7, 2015 - 2:15 pm

            I guess. I try not to judge

  3. #17 by Polysyllabic Profundities on December 5, 2015 - 4:59 pm

    I went through the same thing when I asked my ex to leave. I was not allowed to change the locks or do anything with his stuff because it was still legally joint property. I hope she doesn’t do anything that will come back on her.

    • #18 by idioglossiablog on December 5, 2015 - 9:12 pm

      That must have been very difficult for you. I’m counting on pleas from her kids, and her lawyer to keep her out of trouble. G-uno

  4. #19 by Brian on December 7, 2015 - 5:45 pm

    I think I can understand her rage, but that scorched earth policy may come back and bite her in the tenders. Hopefully she can find another outlet for her fury.

    I don’t even HAVE daughters and the fact that he’s seeing a woman younger than his youngest daughter is flat out creepy.

    • #20 by idioglossiablog on December 8, 2015 - 5:26 pm

      I’m with you on the daughter thing. As for his wife this might take some time. This is all so out of character for this man. It just doesn’t make sense. G-uno

  5. #21 by g2 on December 8, 2015 - 5:20 pm

    Why does this sound like the stereotypical male midlife crisis, spray tan, convertible, gotta get a young girlfriend to feel alive bullshit that seems to affect some men to such an intense, at times, degree?

    My cousin asked me not too long ago about the name of a girl with whom he’d a had a really strong attraction to when I introduced them years ago. He’s seven years older than me. I answered it but then just looked at him and asked him why. What did he not have now that would make him seek out that person out of the blue? no answer.

    It’s almost like they are going through their own menopause but their actions looks much more calculated. I wonder now if there is perhaps an actual scientific reduced level of self-control in these situations wherein its more like a compulsion. Not saying the guilt or blame is any less on them, I’m just wondering why is seems to happen to even those described so intensely as good people by those who know them. My cousin went through hell to choose his wife above the rest of his family, why would anything that might jeopardize that suddenly be worth it after all this time?

    I think all of us have trawled an ex or two, but to suddenly become focused on someone you haven’t thought about in so long?

    I get why he’s into the kid. She makes him feel young, he makes her feel safe and she probably has her own case of daddy issues. I agree with Oceanswater as well, if she can entrap him, she will. However, if the wife gets everything…. and breaking a hip to salvage a marriage and the emotional stress of doing so much to make it work with no one meeting you halfway could make a really strong case for such….He will become angry, hurt and more importantly, broke. That may be the breaking point for the princess.

    Hell, I might suggest she consult with every high level attorney in the area, make sure she has the biggest barracuda in the bunch. Either way, it will fix it so he can’t talk to them. Hopefully explaining that the best lawyer and his guidance is all she will need to make sure the only revenge she will ever need is done. A hot younger guy wouldn’t hurt either. Then take her to see War of the Roses.

    • #22 by idioglossiablog on December 8, 2015 - 5:42 pm

      g2 I swear there has to be something physically wrong with his brain! He is such a good man! No convertible, no changes in physical appearances,just in his residence, and choice of women. He is smart enough to know that something like this is deeply painful for his family. Maybe it is some chemical imbalance, but every time I say that it just pisses her off more. My friend is beautiful inside, and out! She did get a bad-ass lawyer. We have another friend in our circle whose marriage has survived an affair, but I’m not sure she’s even open to her advice. The rage carries on as you will read in today’s post. 😦
      G-uno

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