So I Told Frank’s Mom It Might Be A Good Idea To Seek Psychiatric Help (G-uno)

Let me start out by saying that did not go so well. The woman who is usually quite emotionless welled up with emotion. She was pretty angry about the whole situation. She told me that I should not make accusations about things I don’t know anything about! Then she told me that she didn’t realize I had a degree in Psychology, and that I could be making a lot more money in that field!
I apologized for upsetting her. I told her that I had seen a similar reaction from my brother who suffers from mental illness, and that we found a great doctor who was able to help him almost immediately. She then told me she was sorry that we have mental problems in our family, but that did not mean that Frank was mentally ill. Then she asked me to leave.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I started out by saying that I was worried about them all. That Frank’s threat to hurt her had stayed on my mind. Then I asked her if she had considered seeing  someone about his anger. Then everything went south from there. Mr G-uno says that I had more time to think about all of this before speaking to her, and that maybe she needs some time to take this all in herself.
The most difficult part of being someone’s personal assistant is remaining fairly invisible from their lives. I may have crossed a boundary here. 😦
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  1. #1 by oceanswater on December 31, 2015 - 2:35 am

    D.E.N.I.A.L. Hopefully she recognizes it before one or both of them is killed. That’s a little odd to try to admit that it doesn’t exist. I don’t think you crossed a boundary, but her being in denial probably does. If she does not think he has a mental health issue, she’s at home with none of the lights on…

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on December 31, 2015 - 5:59 pm

      It’s strange when you are in what my sister , and I call the box. You just become so accustomed to living in your world, that you don’t see outside the box. The view everyone else easily sees. I hope she will come to see, and that she will get Frank some help. Happy New Year, and thanks for sharing your perspective! G-uno

      • #3 by oceanswater on December 31, 2015 - 7:06 pm

        You are quite welcome!! Happy New Year to you and yours!

  2. #4 by innerdragon on December 31, 2015 - 4:28 am

    Seems like it was your duty to tell her if that was really your opinion about it. From what you’ve written about him thus far, frankly it seems that he and his mother need some very serious help. And likely that could involve medication.

    • #5 by innerdragon on December 31, 2015 - 4:30 am

      I don’t mean to imply your help is not serious, but I’m picturing both of them needing 24-7 intervention, like hospitalization and starting their relationship from scratch.

      • #6 by idioglossiablog on December 31, 2015 - 5:54 pm

        No I agree this is out of my professional league. I just hope Mom will see it that way too. Happy New Year, and thanks for weighing in on this mess! G-uno

  3. #7 by Brian on December 31, 2015 - 4:36 pm

    The denial runs deep in that one. Could be a defense mechanism on her part.

    In spite of your need to be invisible, I think you HAD to tell her about Franks threat to hurt her. Given time, maybe she’ll come around. She may need to hear it from more than just you too.

    I’m an engineer not a psychologist, but I still don’t think you crossed any boundaries. There’s peoples personal safety at risk here.

    • #8 by idioglossiablog on December 31, 2015 - 5:51 pm

      Thank you Brian. It felt like the right thing to do. It’s a choice I can live with. 😉 Happy New Year, and thanks for weighing in on all of this mess! G-uno

  4. #9 by robertmgoldstein on December 31, 2015 - 7:56 pm

    I think that you did what any caring person would do. And what you did may have been a first step toward breaking down her denial. If she had broken a leg there would be no question that she would see a doctor, a specialist. The only problems we seem to think we can handle on our own are the ones that affect our minds; and because so many of us refuse help the wounds fester and become deeper and more serious.

    • #10 by idioglossiablog on December 31, 2015 - 8:24 pm

      Wise words my friend! Thank you. I value everyone’s perspective. It all leads back to the fear of being stigmatised. I have a cousin whose son suffers in the same way my baby brother did. She is so fearful of the stigma he may face that she is willing to suffer rather than seek help. 😦 It’s been hard for my brother, but not nearly as awful as it would have been without professional care. The odd thing is if you asked most people would you rather lose your mind or a leg (both awful), I think most would choose saving their mind. Yet no one wants to go to the doctor capable of caring for your mind. Thank you again for your prospective. Happy New Year! G-uno

      • #11 by robertmgoldstein on January 1, 2016 - 2:13 am

        Then she does not understand that by factoring in the “stigma” she is playing into the hands of a healthcare system that profits from people who would rather die.

        “Situational” depression often hardens into an endogenous depression because of the way depression changes the brain.

        I watched an excellent BBC documentary called “The Truth About Depression”.

        Depression causes the brain to lose white matter in the amygdala.

        Here is a link to the Documentary:

  5. #13 by jasminehoneyadams on January 8, 2016 - 1:12 pm

    Aha I missed this one.

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