The Bridal Shower Smackdown

What’s a wedding without drama?  I think there’s some sort of subliminal signal that goes into overdrive within family members, and with other significant people who will be a part of someone’s wedding in some way. Ours started with the female first cousin who also became engaged after our daughter had announced her engagement, and her wedding date. Said cousin decided to put her wedding six weeks in front of ours. I won’t lie to you, we were initially quite pissed by the complete lack of etiquette. It was meant to be a passive aggressive act of disrespect, but rather than become the same small kind of human being we pulled up our “big girl pants,”and moved forward.
Next came the problem of not having a budget that could afford to invite the entire family. My husband’s side alone came to almost 300 guests. The budget was for 150 guests. So rather than play favorites, (and to allow the groom to have some guests) the only fair thing to do was to make the cut off point after the first cousins. There are so many, that this also meant no plus ones unless you have a spouse. Each invitation was carefully given with RSVP cards that had only the names of those who fell into this category. WE thought this would be the most delicate way to handle things. Wrong immediately on the wedding website one cousin asks if it’s a mistake, and should she write her children’s name on the RSVP.
Our daughter felt so badly, but decided to use the public site to say how very much they regretted not being able to afford to invite the entire family. She said that rather than play favorites they just made the cut off point after the first cousins, and no plus ones only spouses. Our daughter has tried to be as polite as possible concerning the wedding. The wedding website was only given to those who would be invited. She does not post anything about the wedding on any other social media. She has also opted not to have a shower, or any other wedding event to avoid hurting anyone else’s feelings.
Her made of honor hates this for her, and put together a small shower with her brides maids, and her future MIL & myself. Well this all seemed drama free. Until her future SIL who is one of her bridesmaids decided to come out of the closet, and ask if she could bring her girlfriend to the shower.SIL being gay is completely not an issue for anyone, except her own mother. To be fair to the future MIL (who was raised in an extremely religious home) had only had a few days to absorb the news. Her daughter had always had relationships with men so there was never any indication that she was gay.
MIL is an intense person who is still worried that her son, and my daughter are going to hell for living in sin. You see the problem now? MIL tells my daughter that her daughter can not act like a couple at the wedding because it will kill her mother (the grandmother) going further to say if they tell the grandmother she won’t attend the wedding. My daughter tells MIL that she will not ask SIL to behave in any way at her wedding. We have raised our daughter to understand that love is love, so she doesn’t want her SIL to be anything other than who she is. MIL loves her daughter so she tries to hold in her true feelings at the bridal shower.
This started out awkwardly, but we were doing our best to welcome SIL’s girlfriend who was meeting everyone for the first time. Then after the shower MIL completely loses it, and explodes verbally vomiting all over her daughter, and her girlfriend. She demands that they tell the grandmother, that they show zero PDA at the wedding because my daughter said she didn’t want that at her wedding! SIL, and her girlfriend show up at our daughter’s (her brother’s) apartment in tears because she was under the impression that they had lied about being comfortable about her coming out of the closet.
Our daughter is livid because MIL lied. It took an hour to make SIL feel better, and convince the girlfriend that she should attend the wedding. Finally my future son in-law said “Look you are not coming to our wedding pretending that you are friends. If mom, and grandma have a problem they can pretend that they don’t.” Drama? They have been swimming in it! No matter how hard they try, it seems to be impossible to escape. However, what has not escaped my attention is the fact that every time a situation arises these two work it out beautifully together. 😉

 

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  1. #1 by emmagc75 on February 17, 2016 - 3:39 am

    Yes they have handled themselves with class, dignity and love. I’m glad the sil felt close enough to straighten out what could’ve been a wedge in their relationship. You raised your girl right and her fiancé seems like a good man. Congrats!

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on February 17, 2016 - 11:31 am

      Thank you. SIL is an amazing young woman. She is very close with both of my kids. I’m so proud of her for living her life openly. She deserves to be happy. My future son in-law is great guy. I am a lucky mom. G-uno

      • #3 by emmagc75 on February 17, 2016 - 4:37 pm

        I can’t imagine being told I have to hide who I am by my Mom! My Mom was a Eucharistic Minister so I get the religious angle. But at the end of the day, that’s not what Jesus would do. And it’s 2016 geez lol. Life isn’t fair but it’s during these tests that we see who we really are. And you have seen great things from your kids. Try not to worry. All will be ok. Hugs!

        • #4 by idioglossiablog on February 17, 2016 - 6:40 pm

          Thanks I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think MIL was really thrown. Personally of all the things I worried about with my kids sexual orientation was not on the list. It simply doesn’t matter. Your right though no point in worrying, and I will take those hugs. G-uno

          • #5 by emmagc75 on February 17, 2016 - 10:11 pm

            But ur a Mom n worrying comes with the job lol.

          • #6 by idioglossiablog on February 17, 2016 - 11:43 pm

            No matter how old they are you hate to see them upset.

          • #7 by emmagc75 on February 18, 2016 - 12:00 am

            Of course!

  2. #8 by Rita on February 17, 2016 - 4:43 am

    I admit I was having trouble keepin’ up at first. I thought for sure there was gonna be dress rippin’ and shoe stomping. Bravo for your Daughter and soon-to-be Son In Law.

    • #9 by idioglossiablog on February 17, 2016 - 11:25 am

      There were some initial let’s just stomp’em fantasies lol, but I think it was only me. 😉 Thanks Rita

      • #10 by Rita on February 17, 2016 - 12:32 pm

        See, that’s why I was probably thinking that. I love ya.

  3. #12 by Brian on February 17, 2016 - 7:07 pm

    Your daughter is clearly NOT a Bridezilla, so it appears that future MIL sees a need to fill that role. I feel your pain with the big family too. It’s tough, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

    • #13 by idioglossiablog on February 17, 2016 - 7:38 pm

      You have a big family too, so you know how touchy it gets. Thank the stars mine is not a “Bridezilla.” I’m often confused by MIL’s reactions to things. I just keep hearing my mom’s voice in my mind. “Put water on the head.” Mom’s version of cool things down. 😉 G-uno

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