Did You Fall In Love With A Different Person? (G-uno)

Everyone whose ever been head over heels in love knows that this feeling can fade. Love is tricky business, dating is hard, and long term relationships are almost impossible. So my question is, do you think love fades because you fell in love with a different person? Think about it for a moment, go back to the beginning of each love affair you were ever involved in, and try to pinpoint the moment where things started to go wrong.
Are you in a relationship now that you know is on it’s way to being over? Do you think most of us know when the beginning of the end is just around the corner? I think that sometimes you do, and sometimes you don’t. I’m at the age (almost like when you were in your twenties) where some relationships are lasting, and ones that seem to have been unshakable are falling apart. How can somebody you’ve built a life with wake up one day, and realize that they no longer want to be in the relationship?
If it takes two to tango, then does it take two to fail? My feeling is that maybe in most cases there is no blame, maybe we simply grow to be different people. For example if you start out partying together, then one person stops (or even both people) they are essentially no longer the same people personality wise. Maybe having children individually changes each person in ways that makes them no longer compatible. Maybe all the unexpected moments that life hands you changes you into someone that your partner can no longer connect with in the same way.
Personally the fact that none of us are immune to having this happen to us completely saddens me to my very core. As always I’d love to hear what you think about the whole concept… 😉
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  1. #1 by oceanswater on February 20, 2016 - 12:17 am

    I don’t think I have ever been head over heels in love with anyone. Have I loved? Yes, but not head over heels. And that seems to keep men interested in me. 😉

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on February 20, 2016 - 1:31 pm

      Smart & mysterious an intoxicating combination. 😉 For me it was like an intense moment where everything around me stopped. There he stood across the street. He was talking to someone else. I think he felt me staring at him. I looked even harder. He smiled. My girlfriend said “Who is that?” I said I don’t know, but I’m going to marry him.” I did. G-uno

      • #3 by oceanswater on February 20, 2016 - 2:36 pm

        Beautiful story!😎

        • #4 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 1:07 am

          LOL thanks it’s not always beautiful over here, but that is truly the beginning. 😉 G-uno

          • #5 by oceanswater on February 21, 2016 - 1:16 am

            No matter what happens don’t be one of those women who no longer want sex with their spouse. ❤️

          • #6 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 1:42 am

            Agreed! Sex is the easiest part of being married for me. Keeping the every day grind from being so draining is where I struggle. G-uno

          • #7 by oceanswater on February 21, 2016 - 1:45 am

            I know, but not true for many women. Hey believe once they’ve got him, they no longer have to do it and I believe sex especially after the kids are gone is a HUGE part of marriage ❤️❤️❤️

          • #8 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 1:56 am

            Smart Virgo 🙂 I do too. Sometimes when you can’t find common ground in any other area I really believe it was the sex that kept us going (or keeps us going) until we could work things out. The weirdest part about the kids being grown is that you slow down from this insanely fast pace of holding everything together, and realize things are not like they use to be. You’ve grown into different people yet again.

  2. #9 by Rita on February 20, 2016 - 2:23 am

    I don’t even know how to begin to answer this. I’m a one-trick pony so I my advice is useless 😉

    • #10 by idioglossiablog on February 20, 2016 - 1:23 pm

      LOL that’s exactly why I’m reaching out. I’ve been a one trick pony for 33 years. 😉 G-uno

      • #11 by Rita on February 20, 2016 - 2:06 pm

        40 this year. I’d probably have to put him down 😜

        • #12 by idioglossiablog on February 20, 2016 - 2:12 pm

          Congratulations! LOL Don’t put him down. 😉 He has excellent taste. Big question here is what’s your secret foe staying interested & being interesting for 40 years? G-uno

          • #13 by Rita on February 20, 2016 - 3:00 pm

            As REO Speedwagon said, we rolled with the changes. Honestly, we talked deeply about this last year and both agreed that it most likely has a lot to do with both of us coming from the shitty, abusive home lives we had and having to face the biggest storm of our lives right out of the gate. I think that planted a seed that would grow to keep everything else in perspective.

            I could say it was always luuuuvvve but that’s just fairy tale bullshit to me – there were days I didn’t wanna see his mug again or he mine; but the muscle of this love we have was and is buried in the friendship and commitment to never let the other down. Oh, and the sex is good too 😜.

            Romance and sexuality has ebbed and flowed at different levels as we have aged, so we refuse to make that the benchmark of our relationship. Life has been way too dynamic for us to stay at the same level consistently. The secret for us has always been to acknowledge that with joy, laughter and sex toys.

            Discovery is a GREAT word to me for maintaining a life-long, vital and fun relationship. Should have seen his face when I dropped a copy of Bondassage: The Guide To Kinky Massage in his lap. He coughed and then ordered a massage table for us.

            Losing a full term child put everything else we would face in the ‘ain’t no mountain high enough’ category – even early infidelity that came about in the horrible whirlwinds of that loss. We confronted it. We were both guilty of letting it happen. And we had to decide then and there what caused it. Did we want to end this and if not then that shit was off the table. If anyone wanted out, they had to own it first and confess it before they acted on it. It was very least we owed our best friend.

            We just learned how to get all up in the other ones business if life was pulling us apart. Batten down the hatches and kick the world out until our sails were set straight.

            We became best friends early on and it’s been that way through thick or thin. He’s the first person I talk to or scream at and the same goes for D.

          • #14 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 1:06 am

            Rita I have never been so moved by anyone’s words. It’s the most honest, and beautiful truthful account of an amazing 40 years. I get every single word you have written. I just could not have expressed it as well as you have. I am sorry that not everyone will have the opportunity to read this. Strangely enough It made me think of an episode of Six Feet Under. In this episode an older man’s wife dies, and he refuses to leave his wife’s body at the funeral home. Different characters try to talk to him about his loss. At one point he snaps at one who is telling him how he feels about love. He tells them that they don’t know what love is until you shit your pants at the movies, and your wife goes home with you and helps you clean it up. This scene like your words resonated within me deeply. There are those lovey dovey moments, but there are more that don’t come from a scene of a lovely fairy tale. Hanging in there when you’ve heard every single story more than once ;), the moments when walking out the door would be so much easier than sticking around. Wonder if the words actually match the inner thoughts. It can all be so much bigger than one human being is capable of enduring. Trusting that the other person will honor their commitment, but being able to forgive when they fall. It’s the stuff disney would never show it’s audience. Maybe that’s why so many walk away. For what it’s worth I will never forget your words. Your a beautiful soul! Deep respect over here as always. G-uno

          • #15 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 1:19 am

            Oh, darlin’ I thank you. It’s just the way I see this thing of ours. It’s a work in progress every single day. And I LOVE THAT SCENE. That to me is true love. D likes to say that marriage is like a Tootsie-Pop – all the really good stuff is in the center but most give up trying to get through the hard shell. He’s my lover, best friend, pain in my ass, source of frustration, spark of encouragement and the only human being that can tolerate all those same qualities in me. I feel the same about you ❤

          • #16 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 1:38 am

            I think that all of this stuff with Jane, and a few others has me a little more emotional than usual. Times like this I really wish my blog wasn’t a secret. I would absolutely share your words with my daughter. Huge hugs for you!

          • #17 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 1:54 am

            I like to think our little universe is necessary for the RIGHT now and when the time is no longer RIGHT now maybe it will find its way to the people who need it. Big Colorado hug right back. Did you get the link to my poem? It popped into my head after I commented this morning.

          • #18 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 1:57 am

            I’m going over now to check this out. Thanks for sharing it with me.

          • #19 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 1:57 am

            LOL!

          • #20 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 2:12 am

            A poet too! I am not surprised.

          • #21 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 2:18 am

            Well, a woman who loves poetry and has a head full of words that needed somewhere to go.

          • #22 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 2:25 am

            Excellent point. I’m a huge fan of pablo Neruda.

          • #23 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 2:26 am

            I don’t know if I’ve read any. I’m gonna have to ask my friend Google to lead me there.

          • #24 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 2:30 am

            When you do I’d be curious to hear your opinion. Pablo is a deep thinker.

          • #25 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 2:31 am

            OK!

          • #26 by Rita on February 21, 2016 - 1:54 am

            Nor sure if I ever sent you to the poetry site before.

  3. #28 by oceanswater on February 21, 2016 - 2:12 am

    Many people don’t like one another and once the kids go it begins to rise to the surface. Then all hell begins to break loose. IMHO

    • #29 by idioglossiablog on February 21, 2016 - 2:23 am

      What do you think causes the dislike? In addition to letting their sex life dwindle.

      • #30 by oceanswater on February 21, 2016 - 2:31 am

        I just think for many couples that the kids are the glue that holds their marriages together. Unfortunately.

  4. #31 by Robert Matthew Goldstein on February 26, 2016 - 5:45 am

    I’ve been with my partner for 23 years. We’re still crazy in love with each other. Still play, still enjoy just curling up together while watching a favorite show. There were some tenuous moments at the beginning when we were both still young…but we survived that. My biggest fear is the day that one of us dies. I know it has to happen and know that either way it will break my heart.

    • #32 by idioglossiablog on February 26, 2016 - 2:13 pm

      That’s so beautiful! Congratulations on 23 years of commitment. I also share your fear.The idea of living in a world that my husband doesn’t exist in heart wrenching to say the least. Then the flip side is how lucky are we to have had this experience in our lives. Thank you for your insight. I always love reading your thoughts! G-uno

      • #33 by Robert Matthew Goldstein on February 26, 2016 - 6:36 pm

        I think it’s human nature to want the good things in our lives to last forever…the reality is that every minute is precious. And I know in my soul that I am and was loved; how lucky I am.

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