Archive for March, 2016
I was so deeply moved by this mother’s post that I had to share this with you all. G-uno
There is a boy I love. I dreamed of him and what he would be before I ever met him, blonde and blue-eyed, smart and funny, an old soul with the kindest heart I would ever know. Born long before ultra-sounds were common practice or gender reveals became a celebrated event, my boy came into […]
I handed “Bette Davis” a hand mirror so she could check out her hair. She pushed my hand away saying that she never looked in the mirror because she was too ugly to look at. Her facial expressions leave nothing to the imagination. She was not fishing for some sort of compliment, she was clearly disgusted by the thought of seeing her own reflection in the mirror. Then came the far away look of a person who has temporarily been transported to a another time in their life.
Bette was the only child of a German couple. Her mother was a stern woman who made it a point to reassure young Bette that even though she wasn’t much to look at, she was smart enough to make her mark in the world in a different way. She must of noticed the look of shock on my face, because she quickly defended her mother’s remark by saying “My mother was a very practical woman who didn’t believe that lying to a child would make their life any easier. She wanted me to be realistic.”
Bette must have realized that no explanation of her mother’s comment would have brought me to a place of understanding, so in an almost scolding tone of voice said “Stop giving me the doe eyes. I saw myself in the mirror, and I realized I was an ugly duckling.” I knew that no compliment of my part could have erased a lifetime of embracing her mother’s harsh words, so I told her we would have to agree to disagree on this opinion.
Then the far away look returned, and Bette said that’s probably why her father had left them. “My mother, and I were both ugly ducklings. My mother raised me alone from the age of seven. My mother told me that she had not achieved any importance, that she had no title so the marriage could have never survived under those circumstances. If you were not born with good looks then you had better obtain a title of importance.”
Bette told me that her mother had always been disappointed by the fact that she had never been anything more than a divorced mother of six children. She went further to say that her husband had left her for a beautiful woman. She looked up at me, and said “I’m going to die without ever having been truly loved.” I quickly reminded her that she was very much loved by her children. I was desperate to erase that horrible thought. Bette just looked me straight in the eye, and said yes some of my children love me, but no one has ever loved me as their wife. It’s not the same thing, and you know that…”
From the moment I entered her room her dark large piercing eyes seemed to look right through me. She’s a tough old bird whose gray hair, and failing lungs were the only thing old about her. I knew she was sizing me up by the look she gave me. In her gruff voice she told me to sit down. I instinctively knew that I had passed the first of many of her rigid requirements.
She asked me if I knew she was dying. A question poised in a way to see my reaction, as well as, gauge my ability to be truthful. I told her”Yes.” Her “Bette Davis Eyes” flickered a quick smile, but her facial expression remained stern. Then she asked me why I had chosen working with dead people as my career? I smiled at her, and replied “My job kind of ends when you die.” She laughed.
Then she said seriously “Why the dying?” Her “Bette Davis Eyes” searching mine for a truthful answer. I said “I don’t work exclusively for those who are dying, but fate seems to throw me in that direction quite a bit.” She said “Oh God your not one of those Hippie freaks are you?” I laughed, and said “No.” Bette proceeded to tell me what ticked her off about all her other assistants. It was a pretty long list, but I listened patiently.
When she finished she asked me if I was paying attention. I told her yes then I reassured her by reciting back the list of her pet peeves. I told her that her list was reasonable, and jokingly asked her if she wanted to hear my list? Bette laughed again, and said okay we will give this a try, but I’m short on time so don’t expect me to put up with any crap.” 😉
Our daughter’s wedding has us all in search of our inner twinkle toes. Yesterday was the “Universe’s” way of pointing out not everyone was meant to be Fred Astaire. We are a talented bunch, but let’s just say dancing may not be this family’s forte. My husband is determined to make his baby girl proud of their daddy daughter dance so last night we did what the four of us have always done, we got together to solve our little issue.
Life has us all running fast & hard with our everyday duties so when those rare moments pop up for our original 4, we fall ever so comfortably right back into our way of being us. For me it’s like magic. Just knowing that we would all be together made my heart soar, so right after work I ran to all my favorite shops to buy all of the ingredients for our favorite meal together. I knew that telling them all that this is what’s for dinner, would make their hearts soar.
Our son seems to be the only one whose toes slightly twinkle. I think his boxing footwork makes him more coordinated than the rest of us. Our daughter could be a good dancer, but this is the one place in life where she is actually quite shy. She’s never been one to like being the center of attention, so the very idea of saying her vows, and dancing in front of everyone makes her extremely uncomfortable. It’s part of her charm. She is extraordinarily beautiful, and completely unaware of her beauty which only draws you in closer.
She’s very funny, and enjoys teasing everyone about their areas of shyness. I think it’s because she finds their less secure moments to be most endearing. Especially in our household where there is no shortage of “Type A” personalities. She finds beauty in our softer sides. Also a great deal of personal amusement in our awkwardness. 😉 She is her father’s daughter, and why not he is an amazing dad. She chose a Jimmy Buffett song for their dance. My husband listens to Jimmy all the time. It’s the perfect song for the two of them.
Our son is a big guy. He’s tall, strong, and incredibly charismatic. He is extremely funny, and catches on quickly when his sister is trying to quietly find ways to expose their shyer sides. He’s amused by her subtle attempts to make him, and their father dance together. She of course was pretending that watching the two of them do the dance steps would help her learn them better. Dad knew too, but they love her so they play along. She stood there laughing in her beautiful way.
I stood there watching them all, and took in every moment fully aware that this was the reason I love my life so much. 😉
Well every relationship has to have a first fight, and Tarzan & Jane’s is no exception to the rule. Jane said that after the whole fight with Ex-hubby she was venting to Tarzan, and he told her that he thought she was allowing the whole encounter with Ex-hubby to be a much bigger deal than it should be. This really struck a nerve with Jane. She told me she immediately snapped back that well you wouldn’t know because you’ve never been married.
Then Tarzan snapped back that he hoped that if he expressed any opinions about Ex stuff, or the kids that directly impacted their relationship (that she didn’t agree with) that she wasn’t planning on pointing out that fact every single time. Jane was not use to having someone directly respond back in such a sharp tone. Ex-hubby was the type to keep things bottled up, and then passively get her back in a way that he could easily disguise as “she took it all wrong” if it really ticked her off way.
She said her first instinct was to insist that he recognize that she had a better insight into Ex-hubby’s intentions because she had been married to him for the past thirty plus years. Then she said as he stood their looking at him standing there with nothing on, but an intense facial expression she opted to be more agreeable. 😉
Tarzan must have been highly aware of her change in demeanor because he focused his intensity in other ways that Jane said could make him win any argument that might arise. I think Jane is becoming a huge fan of the nudist lifestyle these days. She told me that she tried to apologize for snapping at Tarzan, but he told her it was okay. He just did not want to be dismissed like a small child. Jane confided to him that Ex-hubby always told her that she was blowing something out of proportion so that was a sort of hot spot for her.
He asked Jane if she thought that she was having a relationship with him to get back at Ex-hubby? Jane told me that she snapped again asking him if he was having a relationship with her for the same reason? She said suddenly he looked worried. She told Tarzan that she wasn’t, but she did worry that she was repeating history by entering a relationship with him much in the same way she had with Ex-hubby after they had broken up years ago.
If your heart just dropped to your knees then your having the very same reaction I had when Jane told me all of this. Of course I asked her what happened next? She said that Tarzan didn’t like that she had thought of their new relationship in that way, but he was glad that she told him the truth. Jane said she felt like she had messed everything up at that point. Then Tarzan told her he knew that she was still hurt. He told her he was not trying to be her knight in shinning armor.
He told her that he had been in a lot of relationships over the years that usually ended because he, and the women he dated were never really honest about who they were. That once the “good dating persona” wore off he never stuck around to see what happened next. Jane said she was really scared at that point. The he told her that he really didn’t want to make that mistake again. He asked her to try not to always compare their relationship to her’s and Ex-hubby’s relationship.
I think Jane thinks that she won’t be able to not compare the two relationships. To be fair that’s all she’s known for over three decades. I thought about how hard that would be to do. Mr G-uno, and I have been married for almost as long as Jane, and ex-hubby were. I can see why it would worry her.
Jane is furious that Ex-hubby rather graphically told their kids about walking in on her & Tarzan having sex, so after setting her kids straight she had a heart to heart with him. Jane told us at lunch she called him, of course “The infant” (sorry our caddy little nickname for the 24 year-old girlfriend ;)) answered the phone. Jane says that this is becoming a regular thing now whenever she calls him. Imagine that, the young woman doesn’t trust her cheating man.
Jane told Ex-hubby that he could not just drop by without calling anymore. He told her that it was his house so he would come by whenever he wished. She reminded him that he couldn’t wait to move out of that house so perhaps he should reacquaint himself with that memory whenever he got the urge to stop by.
Jane asked him what he thought he would accomplish by sharing the details of his drive by with their children? He told her that she had made him the bad guy with the kids first, and that he thought it was only fair that the kids knew he wasn’t the only bad parent. Jane said she was livid, and told him even though he has decided to relive his childhood he should remember that he is the bad guy. She told him in case he’d forgotten he started his affair before their marriage had even come to an end.
He told Jane their marriage had ended long before he had stepped out that door. Jane told him that he could of chosen to end it officially, but decided to be a cheating, lying piece of shit instead! Then she said if our relationship was so over then why were you so bothered by seeing me move on with my life? He told her that she wasn’t moving on that she was trying to punish him for falling for “the infant ;)” by seeing Tarzan!
Jane told him that he was delusional, and that if he hadn’t of jumped so quickly to become her rebound that she, and Tarzan probably would have gotten back together! (Now that one was meant to hurt him) Jane said it pissed her off that Ex-hubby was implying that the only reason Tarzan was seeing her was to settle a 3 decade old wound. Followed by a fuck you, you arrogant bastard. Then she told him to go make a life with your infant, stay the fuck out of my life, and that way you won’t have anything rubbed into your cheating, lying face.
I don’t know about you all, but I’m feeling the burn from that conversation myself. Sorry it has taken me so long to get this post out. Between our daughter’s wedding planning, and my job I can’t seem to keep up. Jane seems to think that she put Ex-hubby into his place closing the door to that relationship. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m not so sure that this was the final conversation on this subject. 😦
Lunch with the girls is always a blast. Over the years we’ve managed to cover every embarrassing human experience under the sun, so you can imagine the agenda with Jane & Tarzan being caught in the act by Ex-hubby. I have to tell you Jane walked into that restaurant looking amazing. She has changed her hair style, and is looking pretty tan these days. I can not tell you how happy our little group is to see her so happy again.
Jane is fully aware of what the lunch topic will be, and for the first time in a long time she seemed completely confident about the whole situation. Our “Cookie Jar” friend see’s Jane’s stride as she made her way to the table, and starts the rest of us off by making a pretty loud “Uuumm umm umm would you look at that walk! Our girl opened that cookie jar, and got her super powers back ten fold.” Jane hung her purse on the back of her chair, looked her straight in the face, and said ” It takes more than cookies to produce this walk, if you want to boost those superpowers you have to indulge in the whole dessert cart!”
The table was roaring with laughter. Another friend asked her to give us a visual on how Ex-hubby looked when he walked into that garage, and saw Jane recharging her superpowers. Jane tried to make the facial expression for the rest of us. I couldn’t help but think there would be no imitation that would do that moment complete justice. Then we asked Jane so exactly what were you two doing in that garage? Jane turned a little red, and said “let’s just say Tarzan was tasting her cookies.”Now the table was rocking!
Unfortunately for outsiders, our good natured joking can hit the crude mark in record timing. I think it comes from a place of deep comfort rather that of vulgarity, but it doesn’t always translate like that to outsiders. So after seeing our waitress’s facial expression we decided to tone it down, and get to the next topic of Ex-hubby ratting on Jane to their children.
This was almost a 3 hour luncheon so I will try to bring you straight to the highlighted topics. Jane was as outraged by his showing up unannounced as we all were. If you recall in a moment of extreme anger Jane had changed the locks on her home (and the guest home where Ex-hubby & his 24 year old girlfriend are staying), but she was court ordered to give him the keys to both houses until the divorce was finalized. She sheepishly told us that part of her was completely happy that he saw that he wasn’t the only one having great sex. Another friend chimed in “Yeah with an age appropriate adult with an ass like a demi-god!” We all laughed some more, but then Jane’s face changed when she began to talk about her kids.
She is furious that Ex-hubby decided it was his place to expose her relationship to the kids before she had a chance to tell them. Even more furious that he told them what he walked in on in a very graphic nature! She spoke with all her children, and asked them to forgive their father for forgetting that you don’t discuss this sort of thing even if your children are adults.(Perhaps he forgot this since he is hanging with 24 year-olds these days. 😉 ) She told them that she planned to include them, but wanted to give her new relationship some time before dragging them into it. She acknowledged their concerns. She firmly reminded them that she did not interfere in their relationships because they were adults, and asked that they respect her as an adult
Her conversation with Ex-hubby was much different. I have to get my backside to work, but I promise to fill you all in as soon as I can. I have a new client I need to tell you about too. 😉