The First Fight (G-uno)

Well every relationship has to have a first fight, and Tarzan & Jane’s is no exception to the rule. Jane said that after the whole fight with Ex-hubby she was venting to Tarzan, and he told her that he thought she was allowing the whole encounter with Ex-hubby to be a much bigger deal than it should be. This really struck a nerve with Jane. She told me she immediately snapped back that well you wouldn’t know because you’ve never been married.
Then Tarzan snapped back that he hoped that if he expressed any opinions about Ex stuff, or the kids that directly impacted their relationship (that she didn’t agree with) that she wasn’t planning on pointing out that fact every single time. Jane was not use to having someone directly respond back in such a sharp tone. Ex-hubby was the type to keep things bottled up, and then passively get her back in a way that he could easily disguise as “she took it all wrong” if it really ticked her off way.
She said her first instinct was to insist that he recognize that she had a better insight into Ex-hubby’s intentions because she had been married to him for the past thirty plus years. Then she said as he stood their looking at him standing there with nothing on, but an intense facial expression she opted to be more agreeable. 😉
Tarzan must have been highly aware of her change in demeanor because he focused his intensity in other ways that Jane said could make him win any argument that might arise. I think Jane is becoming a huge fan of the nudist lifestyle these days. She told me that she tried to apologize for snapping at Tarzan, but he told her it was okay. He just did not want to be dismissed like a small child. Jane confided to him that Ex-hubby always told her that she was blowing something out of proportion so that was a sort of hot spot for her.
He asked Jane if she thought that she was having a relationship with him to get back at Ex-hubby? Jane told me that she snapped again asking him if he was having a relationship with her for the same reason?  She said suddenly he looked worried. She told Tarzan that she wasn’t, but she did worry that she was repeating history by entering a relationship with him much in the same way she had with Ex-hubby after they had broken up years ago.
If your heart just dropped to your knees then your having the very same reaction I had when Jane told me all of this. Of course I asked her what happened next? She said that Tarzan didn’t like that she had thought of their new relationship in that way, but he was glad that she told him the truth. Jane said she felt like she had messed everything up at that point. Then Tarzan told her he knew that she was still hurt. He told her he was not trying to be her knight in shinning armor.
He told her that he had been in a lot of relationships over the years that usually ended because he, and the women he dated were never really honest about who they were. That once the “good dating persona” wore off he never stuck around to see what happened next. Jane said she was really scared at that point. The he told her that he really didn’t want to make that mistake again. He asked her to try not to always compare their relationship to her’s and Ex-hubby’s relationship.
I think Jane thinks that she won’t be able to not compare the two relationships. To be fair that’s all she’s known for over three decades. I thought about how hard that would be to do. Mr G-uno, and I have been married for almost as long as Jane, and ex-hubby were. I can see why it would worry her.

 

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  1. #1 by Rita on March 19, 2016 - 1:15 am

    Wow!!! My heart did drop. I found myself wondering instantly how in the world I could EVER even entertain the idea of another relationship after spending the majority of my life in a only one.

    I must say that I like Tarzan’s willingness to get “all up in her bizness” right off the bat and say that this is where he has failed in the past. Starting out with the brutal truth gives them SO MUCH hope for a real and deep relationship.

    40 years is a hell of a long time!!!! I think I’d have to buy a blow-up guy.

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on March 19, 2016 - 1:22 am

      I thought he was pretty open about the whole thing. I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know him personally. Jane, and I talk on pretty much a daily basis. I think that after things settle a little more I will make more effort. As far as being with someone else I can’t even imagine it. She’s braver than she realizes. 😉
      G-uno

      • #3 by Rita on March 19, 2016 - 1:39 am

        Yes, she is.

  2. #4 by innerdragon on March 19, 2016 - 4:41 am

    Not comparing to previous history is pretty damn hard.

    • #5 by idioglossiablog on March 19, 2016 - 12:11 pm

      I think it’s impossible. In life don’t we compare everything to the things we’ve learned along the way? G-uno

  3. #6 by g2 on April 15, 2016 - 7:04 pm

    UGH! ok, he just admitted to being a commitment-phobe. It’s all nice and everything that he says he wants this to be “different” but its impossible to not compare the present to the past. It just sucks he has a vast pool of comparisons, while she only has two. He just is going to have to bear that shit like a big boy.

    She just got out of one cheating relationship that she got into because of a cheating relationship, with the same person she’s having a current relationship with. She has every right to be afraid of that, but why is she worrying about the future? Deep down she is obviously not in a place to think of this as a forever relationship when she didn’t tell her kids.

    But that’s ok!

    The relationship right after divorce almost NEVER lasts. If they just leave it at enjoying one another, physically and otherwise, it might, in time, turn into something else. Stop trying to peg it as something now though.

    But he’s not her damn therapist either.

    She did overreact. But she overreacted because she still loves her husband.

    That makes her awesome and human, but leave the therapy sessions to you and the girls when she feels the need to vent and leave Tarzan with the cookie jar for now. This is no time to be serious.

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