a journey up my butt (g2)

I’m mostly summing this up from BFG, since I was completely unconscious at the time. I had just had a colonoscopy  some years back because my gut area was giving me fits and I had the misfortune to find the one doctor who was damn thorough. They’d already found an ulcer with the endoscopy, so this was a “just in case.”

Apparently, when they wheeled my unconscious ass to the room that I would be reviving in, my friends, BFG and the Spazz, were waiting.

Yes, I brought two friends to chaperone me to my thorough butt exploration. One friend, BFG, was good with medical terminology and… well, logic. They were there to make any decisions on my behalf.

The Spazz was there because they were the only one who could drive my car, a stick.

The Spazz is called the Spazz because they have a plethora of undiagnosed issues with hyperactivity, attention, human interaction, perception, and intuition.

Yes, I let this person drive me to get my butt Jacques Cousteaued.

I wasn’t aware they blow air up your ass to get a reaaaaalll good look at things. They don’t suck it out either when they are done.

Air has to come out.

When air comes out of an unconscious person, it comes out in spurts.

While BFG and Spazz were having a general conversation about what was on the TV, whether they would grab lunch on the way home, speculated on how long it might be before I would wake up, my butt would interject to release the pressure shot up there.

“..should be coming out of it in the next ten or so..”



“uh huh, I guess they probably won’t be wanting to hang out or anything…”



“probably not, but I have to say I’m starving how about we grab something on the way back?”

“could do, what are you wanting?”



Apparently, it didn’t take Spazz long to freak the fuck out and go sit in the car to wait for me to be ready. My butt serenade was apparently just too much for them, even though it also had them in fits of laughter, they tried hard to look offended for the sake of BFG.

BFG ended up helping the nurse kind of push on my stomach to get me to blow the rest of the air out and it wasn’t too long later I finally woke up.

I was completely oblivious that any of this had transpired, and BFG had not told me for a long time about the butt trumpet I’d been playing while out. I suppose they were sparing my delicate sensibilities. Which is why I’m now sharing it with the damn internet.

Butt stuff is funny.

  1. #1 by mattsandercock on May 1, 2016 - 10:33 pm

    The gas is better out than in! 🙂

  2. #2 by Rita on May 2, 2016 - 12:57 am

    OMG you made me spit my water! I could HEAR the sound effects.

  3. #3 by charlotte Wessels on May 2, 2016 - 9:11 am

    You just made my day

  4. #4 by Matt on May 2, 2016 - 1:40 pm

    “Getting my butt Jaques Cousteaued?”. Classic!

  5. #5 by Brian on May 3, 2016 - 2:53 pm

    Had the displeasure of the Jacques Cousteau treatment to my colon. Had NO idea they injected air, but it makes sense – how else would they get those wonderful pictures? But I have absolutely no recollection of my butt going off like the Tijuana Brass afterwards. Must have had the good fortune of still being out as the air bled out because I guarantee I’d have been laughing my ass off – probably squeezing more out the whole time.

    I do remember being hungry as all get out afterwards. First stop after the doc’s was to a deli to get a decent sub (hero, grinder, po’boy – what ever serves as your big sandwich on a roll)

    • #6 by idioglossiablog on May 3, 2016 - 11:12 pm

      Lol. I had no idea either. If my friend hasn’t told me eventually I would still have no clue. I don’t remember being hungry, I’m such a lightweight I remember feeling mostly drunk.

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