kicking diabetic ass: week 1, let’s talk about poop and condiments (g2)

From my last ranting, I was whining how my calories were too low, carbs too high, whine whine whine.

Well, I’m an idiot.

There’s this thing called net carbs. Since fiber is indigestible, you subtract it from your overall carbs. So right before I freaked out one day over being at 71g carbs, it dawned on me when we shopped for Grand in the past, we always measured by the net carbs.

71 carbs -44 fiber = 27 net carbs

I went back to all the other days, and I’m just fine and well within my goal range of, “below 50.”.

I thought my fiber was a little on the low side, but I’d been basing it on eating closer to a normal range, so with that adjusted I was fine.

Though I have to say, the pipes just don’t move like they used to when you eat very little and mostly green leafies. Since it wasn’t making me uncomfortable and I was doing ok on my water intake, I didn’t think much of it.

My body finally got ready to do a house cleaning after a few days.

It took time.

It took a few tries to feel like I was done doing it.

It made me ask “Is this what The Hulk’s poop would look like?”

Once, I found out you can also turn poop purple when you consume copious amounts of blueberries after a particular prosperous journey to a blueberry patch, but this particular shade of green was new to me.

It made me wonder about radiation exposure.

Then it made me wonder if I would get superpowers.

Then I wondered what the hell kind of superpower would radiation poop be.

Then my mind kind of fast-tracked into various methods of “launching” said “ammunition” at bad guys and it just got ugly from there, including the type of pants that would enable fastest engagement of the orifice.

The business lunch also went ok. I ended up at about 700 calories, but I couldn’t figure out how to deduct a slice of bread without it costing me a lot of time I didn’t give a shit about committing to it, so I had some more dressing and left it at that.

Also, I have to wonder. I looked up dressing as I have to manually adjust this. One serving is TWO TABLESPOONS? Isn’t that like 1/8 of a cup? What size of a salad would justify TWO TABLESPOONS? Wouldn’t it be like a bucket-o-salad?

I think of dressing as a better-tasting-than-parsley accent you put on this pile of awesomeness mixed up on plate, not the main attraction.

One of my guilty pleasures is the buffalo chicken salad at Zaxby’s. They give you two packets the size of a hand of salad dressing. They look at me funny when I hand one back. I don’t think a salad needs to be drowned. It needs to be drizzled over like a lover with chocolate sauce…. or some ice cream, whatever works.

Though I’ve always wondered what would happen if you were trying to have sexy time and instead of the normal chocolate sauce or the “sex-approved” chocolate sauce, you grabbed the kind that hardens when it gets cold. Would that be considered sadistic?

huh, I think I’m hungry now.

I feel this way about most condiments actually. I would use mayo to dip fries in if they weren’t good fries and I was starving, but mostly I wouldn’t use anything. I avoid places that put ketchup or mustard on any sandwich by default. I request one packet of mayo when I get a chicken breast sandwich, but I usually find half a pound of variety packets in my bag when I stop to check.

Waiter who just put down my steak plate:”Would like some steak sauce?”

me:”Why, did they cook it bad?”

I guess I’m not much for condiments, despite the copious amounts of them I end up having to use anytime I have ever gotten any food from the hot bar at Whole Foods.  I don’t learn too quick sometimes. I’m not sure if they are trying to appeal to the geriatric set or just don’t possess much in the way of taste buds. Or hey, maybe anything tastes awesome after that much quinoa.

In the west, they had this stuff called fry sauce. Sounds fancy but in reality its just ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together. It got so popular that McDonald’s had their own packets of it with their logo. You cannot find this in the south and mayo was the preference when I went to Bavaria.

What’s your verdict on condiments? Gotta have? Love em? Hate em? Favorite? Why and when? I think the only thing you will always find in my fridge is fish sauce. It’s kind of the Asian answer to worcestershire, but with a different kick. Then again, I’m kind of addicted to Asian food… seriously, I can’t even pinpoint it to one kind. I’m all about all of it,  I want to be adopted by G-uno’s mom.


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  1. #1 by oceanswater on May 26, 2016 - 3:10 pm

    I don’t care much at all for condiments. I like clean healthy eating for the most part. I learned long time ago to eat because my body needs food and nutrients, but not to be constantly preoccupied with food. Unfortunately many in my family were/are preoccupied with wood. They are no longer with us…

    • #2 by oceanswater on May 26, 2016 - 3:10 pm

      food, not wood… LOL

      • #3 by oceanswater on May 26, 2016 - 3:11 pm

        that’s why I like writing on my own blog, I can make corrections.

    • #4 by g2 on May 26, 2016 - 4:07 pm

      I still haven’t figured out how to allow editing on this particular template. I wish it were a bit more robust on the comment section actually and allowed for more customization, but one day I will find the best mix.

      I generally aim for food that is also good for you, it tastes better to me. Homemade trumps outside purchases every time.

      Sure I like some bad too, but I think a little bad in with mostly good should be pretty good overall. I like umami, spice, surprises in flavor, bursts of something contrasting. It makes food interesting. But I’m kind of like, if you have to cover it up with something to eat it, why eat it? 🙂

      Do you have one condiment you just can’t live without?

      • #5 by oceanswater on May 26, 2016 - 6:11 pm

        The hottest hot sauce you can imagine…

        • #6 by idioglossiablog on May 27, 2016 - 11:07 pm

          Now that I can go for, but I do like it to also have a good flavor. Some I’ve tried seem to be aimed for trying to win bet and taste bland.

  2. #7 by Brian on May 26, 2016 - 4:48 pm

    If you want to have fun with the color of your “by-products”, try eating a cup or two of beets. Eat enough, it turns your urine a lovely shade of red. Does wondrous things to what comes out the south end of your digestive tract too.

    My secret desire is if I ever get a warning that I need to provide a urine sample, I want to eat about a half pound of asparagus and 2 cups of beets, then wait till morning and collect the sample. It would be priceless to see the reaction of the lab tech.

    Steak sauce is how you ruin a good steak. If the cut of meat is good, if it’s seasoned properly and cooked right, it needs nothing else.

    • #8 by g2 on May 26, 2016 - 5:52 pm

      Oh, that’s brilliant. I’m making a note of that one for my follow up.

      yeah, don’t mess with mah steak. amen, my brutha.

  1. kicking diabetic ass: week 1, day 3; damn, I miss real damn food (g2) | idioglossia: the blog

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