so the excel class blew, and apparently so does the teach (g2)

So… me, the Yankee, the Hippy and one of our other employees went to an “advanced” class on Windows Excel. I say “advanced” since I’m not sure if they just have to mention the buzzwords of “pivot table” or “vlookup” to qualify, but that was about the quality of this course. Our suspicion of exactly how bad it was going to be started when we got a good look of the picture of our instructor.

I’m not sure why this is a thing, but they are now doing courses where the instructor is remote and you have to listen to them over a conference speaker. They can see everything you do on your screen and you spend a majority of your time on mute and only interrupt with questions. Call me old fashioned, but this doesn’t appeal to me at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I see the utilitarian aspects of it. I just think it blows.

Considering the instructor’s photo looked like it was pulled right from her Tinder profile, duckface and all, she looked like she blew too.

And swallowed. A lot. And cheaply.

We spent at least another half hour trying to find a linkedin profile for her, which we found, and it too looked like yet another choice Tinder alternate, except this one was about 50 pounds heavier than the one in our faces currently.

How much lack of self-awareness do you need to think slut photos are “professional?” Why wouldn’t a boss doing their due diligence kind of guide you off a whore-ish cliff in the workplace?

Unfortunately, after the usage of “irregardless” (not a word) and “cumbersun” (cumbersome) and every cliche used backwards, I can only guess from a lack of understanding them, there was no value to be had in the instruction either.

There was not one single question posed to her that she could answer. We stepped through formulas that no person on earth would ever find useful. Most of her knowledge seemed to be based in memorization, in spite of bragging to 30+ years (how old was that fucking picture?) of Excel experience .

Though she wanted to spend a great deal of time on how to make spreadsheets “pretty.” Fuck that noise. If I want to see a pretty spreadsheet, I’ll look here:

tatsuo-horiuchi-1-670x354

“Cherry Blossoms of Historical Castle site” (2006)

 

Tatsuo Horiuchi | the 73-year old Excel spreadsheet artist

They requested we fill out an evaluation for the class when we were done for the day.

Bad move… no, I didn’t hold back. I kind of eviscerated her: her grammar, her Tinder pic, her lack of any real usable instruction or knowledge in the material. However, I did try to finalize it on a positive note and complemented the building, the snacks and the book…

In spite of everything, it was a nice day. The Yankee and I only got in one argument over the fact that Dunkin Donuts sucks epic shit and Krispy Kreme rules. Apparently, Northerners are all about DD for the coffee? …even though the doughnuts blow chodes. I would rather get coffee where the main element – the doughnuts –  are actually good. I don’t usually go to doughnut shops for the coffee, but hey. We finally agreed to disagree on that point.

We tried a new wing and ale place for lunch and I had an epic spinach salad with honey bacon that kicked some ass, so all in all total win of a day. Oh yeah, and it wasn’t at fucking work!

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  1. #1 by Barney on July 23, 2016 - 11:53 am

    i’m still laughing, however I must say, I am a notherner too and a retired cop so ihave a certain, ahem, professional interest in this doughnut topic, (Full Discolsure Bias Alert! Not sure a paid for a single doughnut in twenty-five years but I always left a good tip!). It’s DD all the way and they do have great coffee!!! but I must admit i love the KK lemon filled, YYuuuMMMMM!!!

  2. #2 by chickensconsigliere on July 23, 2016 - 12:14 pm

    Hi, Northern Chicken, here, and I agree with you that Dunkin’ Donuts blows, but I am in the minority for sure. The only thing I will touch there is a bagel but only if there is no other option. We had a Kispy Kreme down the street for.a year or two, but it closed after the novelty wore off. Couldn’t compete, I guess. I wasn’t really a fan of theirs, either. Maybe I’m just the enemy of donuts everywhere, but I prefer Panera.

  3. #3 by Renato Cabeza on August 11, 2016 - 12:54 pm

    An example of this can be Atypical Mole Syndrome. This syndrome brings about a tendency within the body to type an excessive amount of moles on our skin. This really is something that we could have obtained from our parents or our grandparents and we’ve no manage over whether or not we receive it or not.

  1. i don’t want to go in the cart…(g2) | idioglossia: the blog

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