Archive for August, 2016

Marrying The Woman You Had Your Affair With?… (G-uno)

Missing lunch with the girls is the adult version of being in time out for me. Simply being with them as they talk about the things that occur in their daily lives is better than binge watching something you love on Netflix. Something about being surrounded by the people who like you & all your baggage recharges your inner light. Missing a lunch with a topic this large felt like double the punishment.
According to Jane, Ex-hubby no longer subscribes to out dated thinking such as you can’t forgive your loved one for making a mistake i.e.-getting pregnant while having an affair with your friend/business partner. He now feels that life is much too short to hold on to old grudges, and things that cannot be changed. He truly feels his young lover has been punished enough by having the miscarriage. Jane mused that one time during their marriage she ran over his gulf clubs, and he refused to speak to her for weeks. My, my how things change when the mistake is being made by someone in her twenties who spends an inordinate amount of time bending over in her shorts while pretending to clean up their love nest.
Good to see Jane hasn’t lost her wit about the whole thing. Keep in mind it was only last November when their 30 year marriage came crashing down because of Ex-hubby’s affair with this sugar–excuse me his now wife. I asked Jane all the very same questions I’m sure are going through your head. She’s still younger than their youngest daughter, she just lied, and had an affair where she ended up pregnant to your friend/business partner, so what about all of this makes you think that getting married is such a great idea? The list runs endlessly through my mind.
Jane said that Ex-hubby told her life is short. He knows that she has moved on with Tarzan, and that he doesn’t look at this marriage in the same way he did theirs. Anyone else getting windburn from the waving of those red flags out there besides me? Rather than waste time setting rules into place he decided to seal the deal with her original plea to marry her. Ex-hubby says that he just wants to look forward. Jane said that she didn’t have anything more to say except for one thing… So how was that honeymoon, did it feel like the first time? 😉

 

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Ex-Hubby Married His Sugar Baby! (G-uno)

I am in in complete shock even as I type these words to you. Jane called me last night joking that she was surprised that none of us had been invited to the blessed occasion. Personally I think his new bride’s choice not to be a bride is almost as shocking as the marriage itself. My life has just been spinning wildly out of control for the last six weeks. So much so that I spent the afternoon in the doctor’s office yesterday. I have never been able to wear my stress well, and my body is taking the blunt of my brains inability to work things through.
Hearing that Ex-hubby has actually married his young lover after fully understanding she was sleeping with his friend/partner of 30 years is completely out of my realm of understanding. To me it’s like walking outside during an electrical storm with a lightening rod in hand hoping not to get struck. The girls are meeting for lunch today, but I am up to my ears in death, and antibiotics so I will have to sit this one out. I’m not contagious, but I am working very closely with “Bette Davis,”and my sister of choice’s struggles to survive. I find myself overwhelmed with all the emotions that surround my existence these days.
I am not balancing things very well at the moment. Please forgive my lack of attention to your posts, and mine. I miss both more than my words could ever express. I am living in doctor’s offices, and hospitals here lately. My brain knows that an empty well cannot offer water to others, but the universe is spinning so fast that inside I know that my time with both departing souls is slipping quickly by, and I still have so much to do for them both.
Jane has promised me a detailed blow by blow account of the newlyweds this evening so I promise to make a moment to share it all with you. 😉

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Mr G-uno, And I Have A Thing Going On (G-uno)

Anyone who’s been in a long term- relationship can tell you that nothing’s perfect, and if they do admit that to you they are probably in a really good one. For some love is not enough to glue two people together for a lifetime. Then for others a lifetime would not be long enough. In spite of all the trials & tribulations that come with sticking to a commitment you once made when your heart was overflowing with love, and stars danced in your eyes. I like the quote that says a good marriage is just two people who have decided to love each other no matter what. I know that’s not exactly the wording, but you get the point.
Thirty-three years ago Mr G-uno, and I said I do in his grandmother’s little church in front of 200 guests. Only one family member was actually mine, but the truth is that to this very day all I remember is the way he looked at me as we said our I do’s. We were late getting to the church because we decided to wake up early, and go to the beach before the actual ceremony. We laughed, and played in the sand until we finally realized we only had an hour to get ready.
So with one quick shower together, no hair stylist, or makeup I marched down the aisle to begin a life I could never have anticipated. There have been moments when I could actually have floated above the ground with happiness. There have been moments when I could have gotten in my car, and drove away never looking back. It has never been perfection, unless you can appreciate the grandness of two people holding on to each other just to be able to wake up next to each other for one more morning. For me that is as close to perfection as a marriage can be.
Knowing that no matter how good, or how bad things may be you’ve built a life that would never mean as much to you if it had not been shared with the other. 😉
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly without complexities, or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

Pablo Neruda

 

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Ex-hubby Has Truly Lost His Mind (G-uno)

Just when you think life can’t be anymore off balanced than it already is someone in your circle reaffirms that it absolutely can. Yesterday I was at lunch with our little “Ya Ya group,”and Jane tells us all that Ex-hubby has let his 24 year old cheating ex-girlfriend move back in with him! Just as a reminder to those of you who may have not been keeping up with all of the drama in our little corner of the world Ex-hubby cheated on his 30 year plus marriage to Jane with his 24 year old secretary. The 24 year old secretary was also sleeping with ex-hubby’s business partner of 30 years. Ex-hubby who never told his young lover he had had a vasectomy was told he was going to be a father again.
Ex-hubby then breaks up with his young lover, and kicks her out of their place. She moves in with Ex-hubby’s buisness partner(a.k.a. baby daddy), but now Jane tells us that according to her son that Ex-hubby has let her move back in with him. I know my head is spinning too. Apparently the young woman had suffered a miscarriage due to all the stress she was under, and realized that she made a huge mistake because she knows now that Ex-hubby is her one true soulmate.
I am deeply sorry for her miscarriage, but I’m not buying this whole soulmate business. I asked Mr. G-uno if he knew that Ex-hubby had moved her back in with him, and he looked at me like I had lost my mind. It appears that I’m not the only one who’s been off balance here lately.

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Baba Ganoush (G-uno)

So where I live the rain has been pouring day and night. I’m talking about the kind of rain where you look out your window fully expecting to see all the animals line up two by two. I can’t seem to find my inner balance these past few weeks then finally it made it’s reappearance as we all sat around the Lebanese restaurant eating Baba Ganoush. Yesterday was our son’s 25th birthday. I had a picture in my mind of how our family would celebrate this day, but then life happened.
I came home from work to what would have normally been a most welcomed find, our son, his sister, and our son-in-law hanging out together in the living room. My kids although they are no longer kids, are my happy place. They arrive, and joy follows them. Their mixed personalities go together like the best ingredients of a perfect recipe. The problem was that my fairly new 10 year old roof was leaking profusely in our main bathroom, and kitchen. My kids informed me that they had already called their father, and they were now strategically engaged on how to stop all the rain from flooding our home.
This was not exactly the birthday celebration any of us had imagined, least of all our son. Our son was crawling through our narrow attic searching for the leakages. My son-in-law and daughter were holding flashlights, and bringing buckets to catch the relentless amounts of rain that kept pouring into our home. Then we all searched our garage for tarps to cover our roof as much as possible since we knew that with the continued downpouring of rain there was not much else that could be done.
We all worked together to clean up all the water that had poured into our kitchen cabinets, and bathroom floors. At this moment I looked at my children, and realized that they were incredibly capable adults. They laughed, and joked with one another not letting the frustration of this huge unplanned pain in our backsides stress them in even the slightest way. When Mr. G-uno finally arrived he looked around realizing his family had taken care of everything that could possibly be done for the time being. He jumped in the shower, and we all headed to the restaurant to meet up with my mom, sister, and my brother.
Of course the restaurant of our choice was closed because of their own family emergency, so my sister called to rerouted us to another Lebanese restaurant. The problem being that there were two restaurants with exactly the same name, and of course we were at one, and they were at the other. We all finally made it to the same place. Meanwhile the rain continued to pour from the heavens relentlessly but because of the rain we had the entire restaurant to ourselves. The owner, and his beautiful wife prepared us the most wonderful food.
The eight of us sat together eating, drinking, and laughing. It was in that moment where my balance found it’s way back. I remembered that it’s not about the chaos that can pop up so unexpectedly in our lives. It’s about making the most of situation, looking beyond the surface into the faces of those who love you, and whom you love. It was not the celebration I had pictured in my mind. It was something much better. 😉

 

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Thought For Today (G-uno)

I don’t believe people

are looking for the

meaning of life as much

as they are looking for

the experience of

being alive.

-Joseph Campbell

1 Comment

I Lied Today (G-uno)

I hate the way hospitals smell. The energy that comes from everyone inside them permeates through every pore of my body. From the moment you enter your own personal space shrinks as the everyone else’s struggles to make room for theirs. I think it’s the intensity of all that emotion under one consolidated space. I think it’s what my own personal torture chamber would be like.
The elevator was way to small, and it smelt like stale air. It seem to be creeping towards the third floor almost as though it felt my dread. When the doors finally opened the strange nurse breathed a sigh of relief. We had managed to ride up three floors without even making eye contact. She almost trampled another nurse as she made her escape. Never realizing that her energy had been swallowed by mine.
I had prepared myself on the car ride over. There would be no sadness, no negativity, I would not make this beautiful 33 year old woman hold the weight of my sorrow with her cancer ridden body. She has carried far too much for far too long. My mother had warned me of how frail she has become. Her already slender Asian frame had been beaten down by both her disease, and her treatment. She has not been able to withstand food, or liquids for almost two weeks now. Blood flows from her abdomen like water from a slow streaming faucet.
Our mother’s are like sister’s. Alove built from the kind of friendship few others ever experience. We regard each other as chosen family, and even when there is nothing we can do for one another we stay together. We are like the support beam that keeps your home from collapsing. She smiles as I enter her room forging through her pain to make a fuss over the flowers I have for her. Her grace only makes me love her more. I hide my emotions for her as well I regard this visit as if it’s a temporary problem that simply requires some time.
This is strength beyond all boundaries, and respect without limits. We talked about our families. She is in agony, but never says that she is. Instead she says that she’s tired, and relays to me that she is getting the best care. Then in a brief moment of fear she tells me that she is dying. I know in this moment she is grasping for my strength. It was a moment I knew would come. It was my dread that filled the elevator, and permeated through the nurse causing her to run away when the doors opened.
So I took her tiny hand, looked deeply into her fearful eyes, and said” I work with the dying everyday. You know this, and you are not dying now.” I could feel her energy change immediately. Her body had swallowed mine. She smiled, and said “okay I will fight.” I smiled back staring deeply into her eyes. Then her mother entered the room, and saw her daughter smiling. I told her I was leaving, and that I would be back soon. Her mother reached for me, holding me as only a mother can hold you. The energy in that moment kept us all from collapsing.

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