After Thirty-Four Long Years I’m Calling It Quits (G-uno)

I can honestly say to you that I am the queen of sunny side up. My gift in life is being able to find some shred of goodness in any situation, or person. I’m no freaking saint, I was just born this way. For all I know it may just be some mad coping skill, but I prefer to see the glass as half full. If I am loyal to you I will have your back from infinity to beyond. I can count on one hand still having fingers left over the number of times in my life I have given up on someone. After thirty-four years of marriage I am calling it quits.
I would rather drink from an unflushed toilet than to put up with another single day of my in-laws. Not all of them, but yes the freaking majority of them. I am so far beyond sick of their petty backstabbing, Β juvenile moronic behavior that if I had to swallow even a tiny morsel more of their crap I’m convinced I would self-ignite, and end up as a pile of ashes on the ground. Since I’m claustrophobic, and slightly germaphobic I cannot commit any act that would land me in jail. So the only possible solution for the Queen Of Sunnyside Up was a royal decree of excommunication.
You’re nodding, and scratching your head over there wondering if this is possible? Well yes wonder no more it is! I’ve come up with the master “Sunny side up plan.” I simply refuse to interact with them in any other way than a stern yes, no, or Mr. G-uno will have to get back to you on that. Why is this working for me? The answer is simple. I am no longer angry, hurt, or wracking my brain to try to repair these impossible relationships. I simply have grown too weary to exert any effort in any way. I no longer care.
Yes, I know if I no longer care then why am I posting about it? The answer is because for the first time in 34 years I have truly reached a place where my love has actually died. I am free from my own self made prison of believing that because they are my husband’s family I have to find a way to love them, to make a bond with them. I’m content with my efforts to try to form this impossible bond. I absolutely did everything within my power to be loyal to them, and it just simply failed. I think I’m just dazed by the fact that I am finally able to be at peace with this failure.
I’m not sure why it took me so long to get here, but the sweet taste of freedom has been almost intoxicating. In fact there are a few other irritants I’m considering exiling from the Kingdom of “Sunny Side Up.” πŸ™‚

 

 

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  1. #1 by tmezpoetry on August 2, 2016 - 12:49 am

    Great post. There are those certain times that we say “F*ck it” and it becomes freedom. I know not everyone will understand that but after long, internal, conflicting battles… the pasture of reality and letting go is a nice change.

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 12:53 am

      Ahh you get it! LOL I just wish I would have felt this way years ago. Letting go it sounds so easy, but it can be so complicated. Free at last! πŸ˜‰ G-uno

      • #3 by tmezpoetry on August 2, 2016 - 1:20 am

        Yes I do. One day long ago… before I told my ex husband I was getting a divorce – Those magic words came out of my mouth! It is not easy, no.

        • #4 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 1:33 am

          That had to be extremely difficult.
          G-uno

          • #5 by tmezpoetry on August 2, 2016 - 1:42 am

            No words… I don’t think any relationship is easy breaking off and it doesn’t matter whether it was a great one or not so much. To me, life is always about relationships, to ourselves and to another. The significant implications relationships have on our lives circulate at the core. So yeah, I feel ya.

          • #6 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 1:51 am

            Agreed we are souls meant to collide.
            G-uno

  2. #7 by Rita on August 2, 2016 - 2:10 am

    Welcome to Pleasure Island 🍾. I’m your host, Mrs. Haven’t Talked To My Asshat, Backstabbing, Self-Centered In-Laws in 15 Years. (Said hello at FIL’s funeral only)

    Kick your shoes off, let me pour you a drink, buckle your seat belt and hold on – life’s about to kick in to a fucking fantastic ride free of bullshit.

    (P/S we did send them copies of the letter to siblings letting them know that we won’t be having funerals but we will tell them one of us is dead! I’m not totally heartless)

    • #8 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 2:48 am

      LOL Rita you’re absolutely my hero! Just tell me why it took me so long to get here? Ahh who cares my shoes are off seat belt on, pour me a drink. πŸ˜‰ G-uno

      • #9 by Rita on August 2, 2016 - 3:00 am

        It took me 20 years to get there. After my MIL died, I got tired of trying to overlook and make excuses for their behavior. They treated D with such disrespect ’cause he was the baby I guess, but I let him know I was done with their bullshit.

        • #10 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 3:19 am

          I just woke up and realized there was no love left for them. Apparently I’m a late bloomer it took me 14 years longer than you my friend, πŸ˜‰ G-uno

          • #11 by Rita on August 2, 2016 - 3:51 am

            Better late than never!

            Love means never having to punch an in-law 😜

  3. #12 by Brian on August 2, 2016 - 3:59 pm

    On the one hand, you should be commended for trying so damn hard. On the other hand, you should be chastised for trying so damn hard.

    But – it must be so freeing to finally have reached that place where it just doesn’t matter any more! Hopefully the hubs understands your position and backs your choice. I’m content just being happy for you . . .

    • #13 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 5:48 pm

      LOL so true! My husband told me to do this years ago. I still encourage him to have good relationships with his family, so he has always known that he never has to choose. There’s plenty of love to go around. I personally feel 100 pounds lighter. Our children are grown so it’s time for me to move on. Thanks for weighing in on this. G-uno

  4. #14 by Z. on August 2, 2016 - 6:55 pm

    “I am free from my own self made prison of believing that because they are my husband’s family I have to find a way to love them, to make a bond with them.”

    This is a key that too many fail to find for themselves. They remain bound and chained to painful and unhealthy relationships; stewing in a pot of self-blame, self-doubt, and self-induced torment. The relationships are toxic, and often the wrong people take responsibility for them.

    I speak to this from a personal perspective where I, for more years than I care to admit, remained self-bound to relationships that were killing me. I finally found freedom when I learned that the power to let go had been in my possession the whole time. It was the most self-affirming moment of my life, and my life has been better for it.

    I am grateful that you have found your freedom. I hope that you will be all the better for it!

    Thank you for sharing this with us!

    • #15 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 11:20 pm

      It’s a lot like being locked in a jail cell only to find out that the key has always been in your pocket! I’m still a little dazed over that… Thank you for your truly kind words & good wishes. I think I am already better for it, just a little sad that it took me so long to locate that key. πŸ˜‰ G-uno

  5. #16 by chickensconsigliere on August 2, 2016 - 9:49 pm

    I guess it’s time for your happy dance! What else can you get rid of? I have exactly one relative I feel that way about. For the most part, I’ve been lucky with in-laws and out-laws.

    • #17 by idioglossiablog on August 2, 2016 - 11:13 pm

      That is truly awesome. My husband has your problem. πŸ˜‰ G-uno

  6. #18 by Oscar Dandelion on August 4, 2016 - 5:17 am

    Good for you! πŸ™‚
    I’ve had awful ‘mother-in-laws’, mothers of boyfriends or significant others who have never wanted their son to have a woman other than them. Crazy, isn’t it? My fiance of 9 years, his mother still cannot accept me – and continues to hate me from afar, though she has never met me. I don’t care, now in my early 40s I am older and wiser and refuse to do anything with any in laws if they don’t behave themselves.

    • #19 by idioglossiablog on August 5, 2016 - 11:43 am

      It’s so ridiculous isn’t it? For me it’s my sister in-law more than my mother in-law. My Father in-laws sisters are pretty horrible as well. I will never understand women who never seem to get past middle school mentality. You are much smarter to have figured this out so much sooner than I did! Thanks for sharing your point of view. G-uno

      • #20 by Oscar Dandelion on August 5, 2016 - 12:24 pm

        Gosh, that’s awful, all those mean in-laws 😦
        My sister-in-law always hated me because they all thought he would stay home forever and look after their mother and whatever else was thrown his way. They don’t even know me…and I won’t want to be in their company if I do move to Canada from England later (he moved to the UK and made his escape!). I’m in poor health due to an injury and disabled so I really can’t afford any more toxic people in my life. I found out it’s called ‘enmeshment’ or emotional incest. Thank you, but I wish I had been smarter sooner too πŸ™‚
        All the best xo

  7. #21 by purpleslobinrecovery on August 28, 2016 - 4:51 pm

    Hats off to you, G-uno!! How freeing! I’ve done this with my father, or actually just tried really hard. I barely communicate with him, and avoid seeing him at all costs. He is like a coiled rattlesnake, and bites me EVERY time I’m around him. AT 55, I’m finally learning that I am more important than having a relationship with someone who is trying to kill me emotionally.
    Thanks so much for the follow!

    • #22 by idioglossiablog on August 30, 2016 - 11:18 am

      Thank you πŸ™‚ It’s so strange that some people enjoy being so vile while others spend the same energy just trying to be happy. I’m sorry you’ve had this kind of experience with your father, and equally happy that you’ve decided to let it go. I cannot tell you why I hung on so long, but I can tell you I feel a thousand pounds lighter. πŸ˜‰ G-uno

      • #23 by purpleslobinrecovery on August 31, 2016 - 1:06 am

        You’re welcome. You kept hoping you could get them to be nice back. But it just ain’t happening.
        So happy for your freedom!

  8. #24 by innerdragon on September 5, 2016 - 8:22 am

    It seems like a healthy decision from here. But I can totally understand it taking so long to let go of the idea that in-laws should be part of your family. Best wishes.

  1. i’m getting better… (g2) | idioglossia: the blog

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