Even though I cannot deny that the whole secrecy thing struck me as a huge red flag, another part of me felt like people make mistakes. We all have a tendency to hide the things from our past that we may feel a sense of shame over. I’m not a human doormat, but I’m big on figuring out why someone would hide something before deciding not to give them a second chance. Jane says that’s a dangerous way to live.
She may be right. I think I feel this way because I cherish the idea that we can all be forgiven for making mistakes. My line in the sand is when we have explored what, and why something happened I make it clear that if the violation occurs again that it’s no longer a mistake, but a conscious choice. That is the point where I walk away. I’m not sure everyone who begins a relationship discusses their boundaries. For a lot of people it’s a journey that slowly reveals boundaries they may not have even known they had.
Jane feels like she clearly stated her boundary limits right from the start, and that Tarzan poorly chose to take a chance by crossing that line. I cannot argue that logic. I think I’m just really sad for them both. The girls, and I discussed the fact that he did not commit an infidelity. Jane’s response was that even though he had not cheated he broke an equally powerful trust agreement between them. 😉
There is two of us actually, G-uno and g2. We have been friends for a while, met through our own similarities in duality, openness and love of listening. Our differences as well as our similarities always border on the extreme.