Jane Slept With Ex-hubby (G-uno)

I get that we are all imperfect human beings. I also get that you don’t pass judgement on others, especially the people you love. I just have a hard time pretending to agree with a decision that is so self-destructive. Jane knew the minute she asked me how I felt about her sex with her Ex that I am not the friend who tells you what you want to hear. This is what caused our big fight. Before I give you all the mind-blowing details let me first say that if I ask you for your opinion I want your honest opinion whether I’m going to like what you said or not. That being said here’s what happened…
Jane invited me over for dinner. Dinner for Jane is code for I did something I regret so come over, and help me hash it out. I don’t think both shoes were off my feet before she blurted out “I had sex with Ex-hubby last night!” I was stunned. I expected her to say I had sex with Tarzan…or anything else other than “sex with the Ex.” Keep in mind my people skills have been more than a little off so my first response was “Why!?” Then came the one response that always annoys me no matter who says it “It just happened.” I said “Oh I see you accidentally slipped, and fell on his erection?”
Jane was instantly annoyed with me. She shot back with “I knew you wouldn’t understand!” To which I snapped back with ” You’re right I don’t understand. Is this the same man who you left for cheating on you? The man who is now married to someone else?” Well now she’s glaring at me, and says “Well he was mine first, and besides that marriage really doesn’t count so climb down off of your high horse!” I did smirk at that one. Who says “high-horse” anymore, but quickly snapped back that “It sure as hell counted when they did it to you.” Yes I know very bitchy on my part. I can only tell you that in my current state of thinking I was annoyed that we were even having this conversation. I was annoyed that she had done such a stupid thing, rather than hearing her out like a good friend I verbally smacked her.
She stood up told me what else I could do with my’ high-horse” as she walked over to her front door holding it open for me to go. I knew I should apologize, but I didn’t I walked over slid on my shoes, and left. We haven’t spoken since. I’m not exactly sure why I just don’t want to hear this. but I don’t. I did text her that I knew I owed her an apology, that I love her, but I’m not ready yet. She texted back “I love you too asshole.” 😉

 

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  1. #1 by Moi on January 16, 2017 - 1:11 pm

    Be sad for your friend. She was dumped for a younger woman and then found her new man was not truthful either. Her ex is using her and she still wants him to come home. He can’t because he’s married. You need to be the friend who helps her understand that he really is gone and she needs to move on. You need to do this in a loving way. It is so difficult to be told you are not worth someone’s while, time, love anymore. Her sense of self was damaged. Be kind.

    • #2 by idioglossiablog on January 16, 2017 - 1:21 pm

      Yes, you’re right I know. 😦 Why sleep with him though? For me it’s like putting your hand back into a fire that already burnt you. I will make the effort to fix all of this on my end. I just can’t do it right now. Thanks for your perspective. It’s always good to see someone else’s point of view. G-uno

  2. #3 by oceanswater on January 16, 2017 - 3:11 pm

    Sex is always better with your ex… 🙂

    • #4 by idioglossiablog on January 16, 2017 - 9:38 pm

      🙂 I really don’t know what made her do it… G-uno

    • #5 by g2 on February 27, 2017 - 10:17 pm

      no repercussions and she can stick it to the bimbo that she isn’t as fulfillingly desirable as she thinks she is.

      With that said, I’m pretty sure that’s how that reaction would have gone down had it been me and BFG, cept I’m pretty we both would have stuck around because… duuuh, food.

      I think you were right, and no I don’t think you owe her an apology. you told it like it is, which is why she called you and not the suck-up friend who tells her everything she does is right.

      I would have probably held judgement on Tarzan personally, but with the understanding that any more lies, even ones he thinks aren’t related to her… will be a deal breaker. He ditched out on that parent side completely, it wasn’t supposed to ever intrude, but ages reminds us we’re temporary and things change.

      Does a sperm donor list his former visits to his current girlfriend? I dunno. Yeah he fucked up by lying about it but I would wonder about reasons behind it. Maybe he sees what he missed when he met back with her and is having regrets

  3. #6 by Brian on January 16, 2017 - 5:47 pm

    At least the bridge isn’t burned, just swinging in the breeze a little bit. I totally agree with Moi too (that just sounds odd, like I’m agreeing with myself – no offense Moi) (there it is again . . .), that Jane’s ex has to enter the realm of “dead to me” for her.

    For you – boy, I hope your empathy returns full force. I get how after caring for so many other people for so long your buffers get to overflowing. Here’s to emptying your buffers!

    • #7 by idioglossiablog on January 16, 2017 - 9:35 pm

      LOL thanks Brian. I was pretty much “Captain Obvious” rather than an empathetic ear. I’m not sure why I’m so out of sorts here lately, but I really do need to get it together. I appreciate your insight, and the laugh. G-uno

  4. #8 by chickensconsigliere on January 16, 2017 - 8:28 pm

    Well, at least you ended on a positive note.

  5. #10 by Jay on January 16, 2017 - 8:46 pm

    She’s a grown woman who must know what she did was wrong.
    Moreover, she certainly knows you and by inviting you over and confessing like she did, some part of her obviously needed to hear what you had to say. And it is true.She’s doing the same thing that was done to her. It’s not okay. Her heart is broken and she’s angry-at her ex, at herself. Right now she’s turned the anger on you, but it won’t last, you’ve been a great support and she needs you. And I know you’llbe there for her when she’s ready.

    • #11 by idioglossiablog on January 16, 2017 - 9:26 pm

      Thank you Jay, I’m just an awful human being here lately. My love for Jane runs deep so I will pull myself together. I really appreciate your insight, and kind words. G-uno

      • #12 by g2 on February 27, 2017 - 10:19 pm

        you’re making me wonder if we’re somehow bent by some cosmic dowsing rod, because I’ve been feeling like this a bit myself. I’m even more bitey than normal, if that’s even possible.

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