Spawn sits me down like they have grave news. I’m preparing to be told they flunked a class, they’re being held back, someone died.
Nope, apparently Spawn has broken up with Schnookums and they are no longer an item.
Recently, their mom is remarrying and moving back in with man 3, father of child 3 and it puts them in a different district, which means Schnookums had to switch schools.
Spawn wouldn’t get into details so much but things got kind of strange after that. They made it through Christmas ok. Schnookums is a My Chemical Romance fan, and when we had the conversation that the lead singer was also a comic book artist, I figured a couple comics from the lead singer’s series might be a good Christmas gift.
Schnookums was in awe.
After that, everything went along as normal. so I thought….
All I’ve been able to ascertain since is that apparently Schnookums expressed some desires to be transgender. As far as I know this is a new development and makes me wonder if switching schools and unable to handle it and having distance from Spawn has more to do with it.
However, I have NO personal experience with this, so what I know is only through what I have read and what my one friend has been able to tell me and the minimalistic verbiage of my kid.
If Schnookums didn’t mean it, then its a dickish thing to pull.
But it they did, my heart goes out to them quite a lot, since I know that has got to be an impossibly hard thing to discuss. I’ve thought of texting them a couple times just to say that we’re still cool no matter what and they are an awesome person and should trust in that. But is that interfering too much?
From what I can gather, most transgender are what they are in their hearts from day one. Then it branches between those supported to be who they are, or those who are not. Many of the latter learn to “assimilate” in the worst possible way, until they can get the support, the funds, the encouragement to make the meat suit match the heart, if that is their ultimate goal, and finally learn to not pretend anymore. Just be.
I won’t get into the ones who fall through all cracks in the support department because that would warrant a much longer post and will hopefully never have to apply Schnookum’s case.
Their new stepdad is a military guy, and from what I gather, not an open-minded one. He seems to have a good heart, but his attempts to bond with his new stepkids is limited to only his own interests.
Of course, I sat Spawn down and asked if they really understood why they had such a problem. I was told the constant apologizing was annoying. that’s it, nothing more. I asked if after some time, they might able to have a friendship from it, and was told they didn’t know but it wasn’t currently likely.
I told my kid I had never been in this situation so it was hard to put myself in it and see but when we like someone we’re asking them to like us, flaws, pimples and all, as we are. But being told your beloved has been an assimilation of sorts, something we didn’t see, couldn’t see, it makes the person we like feel like a lie. Sexuality aside, it just means to me the person I knew never actually existed.
Spawn nodded a bit, but didn’t say much. For a kid who is supportive of the trans community, its never touched them quite this way before and I’m sure they’re trying to sort out their own feelings. I’ve never seen anyone handle it so damn maturely though. Not even one damn bowl of ice cream to wallow in.
So hit me. Did I handle this at all correctly? What would you have done? Why?