so there is no point in anything (g2)

I’m having one of those moods where I feel like I have failed as a parent and as a human being. I know I’m sounding melodramatic and the time will pass, but I’m also at the point where I’m so damn angry, I could really lovingly burn down a building with the dumbasses within.

Spawn and I moved to be closer to a school they wanted to attend. Its only open for a couple of the years they will be in school, but it is truly the most excellent way of getting into the field of their choice with a huge support network.

Let me repeat that…

The entire point of moving, buying a house and taking a lackluster job in a state I would love to leave, now, was so Spawn could attend this school.

They made it into both of the camps offered, applied to the two-year program, but made it only to the waiting list.

Then the plague hit.

We didn’t lose heart. We’d been told year after year that if they didn’t get in the first year, they were encouraged and even impressed by those with the determination to try again.

Now I’m being told that is never going to happen and their chance is gone. If it didn’t happen that once, it was never going to. Too bad, so sad.

Just gone. They had the one shot, then fuck you.

They lied.

I’m feeling pissed.

I feel betrayed.

And the complete resignation in Spawn’s response is just killing me.

I know in my soul that in order to not upset me, they are trying to be cool about it. No big deal. Oh well.

But it is a big deal.

A very big fucking deal for a kid who deserved to have the whole world and has been left without… again. I cannot buy, cajole, get a friend of an important friend to make good on the anything. I’m just a broke parent with nothing to offer.

I’d honestly love to just drive on campus and burn the place to the ground right now.

It’s one thing to earn a rejection letter, but its entirely another to be told you’re not even allowed to try.

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