i really need stop thinking heavy shit while driving (g2)

So I’m driving one very bland day with nothing whatsoever striking to catch my attention, listening to a CD Spawn selected that I have really been enjoying and letting my mind wander.

I’m not sure why my head seems to want to direct my thoughts to heavy shit when my emotional stability isn’t very much under my control, but with one of the most bigoted, sexist, racist, fuckheads that has ever walked the planet now swathed in the title of “Mr. President”, I cannot help but wonder what the hell is happening to our society, especially when I’m bombarded with the amount of stupid shit he does every day.

The job of reporter in the US is no longer about getting to the “truth” and backing it up with sound researched information, it is now bought and paid for by a corporate agenda. And that applies to all of them now, even NY Times has fallen to the bullshit.

In order for the average US citizen to find truth, you have to look to comedy or foreign news. Yes, I said comedy. Because it is the last frontier where if you wanted to suck up to the GOP or a corporate sponsorship, you’d get booed off the stage before you could finish a set.  We know when we’re being fed shit in comedy, not so much when they call it “news.”

Crime is at an all time low, and is still dropping drastically, but no one ever hears about it. The wage gap still exists, but there are plenty of pseudoscience trying to convince you it isn’t. I see the invoices, every temp company we go through has at LEAST a 2-3 buck an hour disparagement between the guy and the girl hired to do the same fucking thing. Even one of my more intelligent and fair minded coworkers sincerely believes it doesn’t exist.

However, I found my thoughts not landing on these things, so much as race.

When people talk about the way the legal system is skewed to keep minorities in jail, they mean things like this… In this country, cocaine is mostly a white consumed drug (who besides lawyers or those who can keep one on retainer can afford it anyway?) Crack, being cocaine’s inbred  diluted cousin, is a mostly minority consumed drug because it is cheaper and markets to a lower income bracket. The max time a person can spend in jail for crack is almost twice what a person with cocaine would have to serve and they don’t have to carry much to get the book thrown at them.

I live in the South. Born here. Raised here. Went to a school that was about 60% black and completely freaked out when I moved to the midwest for several years and saw almost none.  It’s a real culture shock when you’re used to seeing more colors and shades in your crayola box of life and become suddenly surrounded with many shades of nothing put pink instead.

The black culture, despite or perhaps TO spite the horrific origin, have enhanced the culture in our area of the map in ways not seen anywhere else. I cannot imagine life without the blues, Creole, small pockets of held out languages, hoodoo, superstitions, or voodoo. The fierce defiance in spite of a calm facade is, to me, the mark of black culture. The passion for religion, music, family and vast support for one another.  The pride in spite of years of putting up with epic bullshit.

There’s just nothing like it.

Then I think about now when we have people who feel that since they got their white piece of shit in office, are now welcome, if not encourage, to come out and say whatever hate speech they want and they are somehow among kin. The next step being taking action? doing whatever they want without the risk of consequence, at most? For those that visit that link, fuck you CNN for just naming the victim and not billboarding the mf’ers names who actually DID the crime! Shawn Berry, Lawrence Russell Brewer, and John King, fucking die.

Those are the faces of a Trump supporter.

I think of Sandra Bland and how they ruled it “suicide” and alluded to “mental health,” as being part of her problem…if I was thrown in jail over a fucking traffic violation, you can call it “mental health” all you want, but I’d be ready to stab a bitch. I sure as shit would be making notes of badge numbers and calling any loudmouth I could to make as much noise about it as I could. On the slim chance she did really take her own life, which I don’t believe, can you blame her? After being treated like that? She’s probably put up with it her whole life.

I think of the cops that are mandatory now on school premises. Then I’m stunned when I’m trying to find the link to the ONE instance I know of, to find out abuse by cop towards CHILDREN is getting massively fucking common. The only difference between the American schools and the prison system is the latter gets a better lunch and a real recess.

This isn’t an isolated incident and it happens in a million subtle ways every single day. I go into a store where a group of minority kids are lingering near the door, chatting and laughing and just being, well kids. As i approach, they talk suddenly ceases. I can see the fear in their faces that I’m going to somehow cinch up my bags, or cross the street, or say something offensive. They brace for it. How fucked up is that? I don’t blame them in the slightest, I know why, it just kills me to still see it now.

Missing children organizations are less likely to give ideal exposure to minority children, the excuse being that too many children being posted would dilute the sense of urgency among the community. Then fix the system so it notifies those in the area, you dumbasses, keep it relevant to the people in the region they disappeared in, then move out as needed I was nowhere near the Jon-Benet Ramsey story, did I really need her face thrust in mine every day? There’s a couple thousand miles of impossibility going on there.

When they talk about the wage gap as being about 80%, they are referring to the people in office jobs like I am, but what they don’t go over is that that when you add the minority element or just compare those in service industries, that gap can be as bad as 50%. It’s no wonder that so many minority mothers have to work multiple jobs to make ends meet.

I even thought about how the Women’s March had a great message and sure, it’s a great cause and its kind of sad when half the population of a country kind of hates its new leader. But it didn’t represent women at all well, and here’s the problem…The women who had to go to job 2 or 3, the ones most bitterly affected by the disparagement, cannot afford to show up for fear of losing their livelihood. So there is a huge chunk of women who just couldn’t come, and they are the most needed.

The ones most heavily affected by racial and sexist bullshit don’t even have the time and energy to complain. Few are in positions where they can take vacation time or make up the time later because the system is rigged to keep them oppressed. They could be fired for not going above and beyond the expectations of their minimum wage overlords. I’m looking at you, Wal-Mart.

Then my mind wandered to the young mixed race couple who had twins not so long ago, one pale and blonde, the other more of a mocha with eyes like onyx. Both identical otherwise, both adorable. If gives me a lot of hope to read, years later, they don’t deal with racial prejudice. Then I remember. Thankfully, they aren’t American.

Otherwise, one of them was going to be privy to “the talk.”

The talk where a minority parent has to sit down and explain to their minority child to never get visibly hostile, especially in the face of “authority” because doing so might get you killed. No matter how badly you’re being treated or baited into becoming violent, don’t do it, because cops, teachers, principals, the law, and anyone of non-color could very well be out to get you, to make you a monster. To use you as an example to keep oppression and racism alive and well

.And the thought of that cherub face having to be told that the world has a deep-seeded and irrationally violent fear of her for no other reason than by the color of her skin just hit me so hard I started sobbing to the point where I nearly had to pull over to get it all out.

I spent most of the day trying not to think about it because my eyes were sore and I know Spawn was wondering if I was getting sick and I really really didn’t want to have to go into it for fear I’d be rendered unable to speak. Nothing upsets a kid more than a parent being upset, I’ve found. Even if the reason for it should upset the hell out of everyone.

At a time when we WERE showing so much promise, so much evolution to our own thinking by FINALLY electing not based on  color, but intelligence, stoicism, wisdom… and then going this… the complete opposite of the ideal of unity, equality, fairness, kindness…. I cannot help but wonder how bad this period of backsliding has to get before we’ve just had enough.

office sharing gripes (g2)

I would imagine most of us either do or did share space with our co-workers at some point in our lives. I like to think of myself as pretty lenient, but then don’t we all?

I don’t care if you have fish for lunch and eat at your desk. If you blow your nose, I won’t even notice. If you’re loud as shit, it won’t bug me unless I’m on the phone too and I can’t hear because of you. If the background noise annoys me, that’s what earbuds are for.

For the most part, I like most of my co-workers. When I don’t, I have very little to do with them and keep it strictly business and as thoroughly documented as I can and I can count on one hand (disproportionate to the number of posts in which I may bitch about them. I inflict it on you guys so I don’t inflict it at work, in case you didn’t know) those I truly dislike and most of that is just, I don’t trust them. Otherwise, I barely recall they are there.

I’m kind of dismissive like that, I really get annoyed with myself for letting anyone bug me for too long.

However, since I live in the butt-crack of Satan’s ass that is the South, and we only have three seasons, well two really… Summer, or “hey, let’s see if people can physically stew at 115 with 98% humidity”, and some bland lowered volume version of summer that fosters mass bug breeding and plant sexing with the occasional unseasonal freakish freeze just to keep us all guessing and justifies the whopping six snowplows the entire state owns….

The weather is a personal hell for me.

I would ideally have my house at 69 degrees fahrenheit all the time and have begun to miss the office I had years ago in which my two immediate neighbors were going through menopause.

Even though I was born and raised here, I’ve never been ok with outdoors. I thought I simply hated all outdoor activities until I moved to the northwest and found out outside could be really damn cool, without mass underbrush and feeding an entire legion of ticks in under ten minutes. When I found out roaches just couldn’t survive the northwest weather, I was convinced this is what utopia must be like.

I got close enough to a moose to slap it in the face… if I stood on my car.

Those damn things are huge.

Now I share an office where most of the people are on dumbfuck starvation diets or they have the blood density of ice water and while I’m coping at 73 degrees, they want to “bump it up” to “knock of the chill.”

Go eat a fucking twinkie!

My current office is not cramped, but its only just big enough for the people in it and one in particular thinks that she is completely justified in planting a heater under her desk with a thermal blanket and a heating pad. It’s 80 degrees outside right now and its going up every day. Ironic, since this is also Yankee Heather…. from the North…. where it fucking snows….

Her boss is the one on the craptastic long term low-cal and massively unhealthy diet. Not surprising where her mood swings really stem from.

The others do get chilly from time to time, one piles under a blanket, we think she’s sick and just refuses to go to the doctor, another has a light sweater. But I still wonder…

What the fuck is wrong with all of you?!? Go outside until you sweat your ass off, until your shirt sticks enough to qualify for a bar contest since sweat doesn’t work here, but don’t subject the rest of society with your complete inability to insulate against anything!

RaWr!!!

I haven’t lived in the northwest in over ten years, but I miss it when summer hits here. I crawl inside and kill my a/c because I don’t want to remember where I live until it becomes bearable again… for a couple months.

So for those of you who have ever had to share space with a co-worker(s), was your biggest pet peeves?

Tarzan Gets Zero Sympathy (G-uno)

Our little blog is not huge in its following, but I take huge pride in the fact that those who do seem to be way above average in their I.Q’s. I am never let down by your thoughts on a variety of different subjects. There is an old quote that states the best mirror is a friend’s eye. This certainly has become true with our followers. I not only appreciate your insight, but I look forward to knowing what you are thinking. So thank you all so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Unanimously no one felt like Tarzan’s deceit should be given a second chance. LOL if Jane knew about this blog she would be entirely pleased to know you shared her opinion. I read, and reread all of your comments. I really couldn’t disagree with anyone’s point of view so I will swallow my tiny nagging inner doubt, and move forward. Jane is incredible in every way so I have great faith that the “Universe” will remember this. I also have faith that she will meet a man who will not break her trust.

The only thing worse than being hurt in this life is seeing someone you love get hurt.

Voting Perspective From A Woman With Alzheimer’s (G-uno)

Ms. Lee is not your average 82 year old woman with Alzheimer’s. She remains intelligent in her ability to analyze life based on years of her own experiences. The conversations we share on our outings to the “Cracker Barrel” have become some of my most treasured conversations. Her ability to separate her own personal experiences with racial indignities reveals one of the most insightful and intelligent personalities I have ever known.

So out of complete curiosity I had to ask Ms. Lee her thoughts on the upcoming election. This is not a conversation I have invited anyone else to have with me .  I am always open to adult opinions of our candidates. I have no desire to sway, or disrespect another person’s point of view.

We finished our early breakfast, and as has become our routine we went out to the front porch of the restaurant to find two rocking chairs to share our conversations of the morning. For me it’s like being a child again on the front porch of my grandmother’s home. For Ms. Lee it’s the front porch of her childhood home in Mississippi.

Ms. Lee continues to watch the news, speeches, and debates. I opened our conversation by asking her opinion of both Mrs Clinton, and Mr.Trump. She rocked for a bit giving my question some careful thought. Then she said with a huge smile”This has been something to see hasn’t it?”

She began by speaking about Mr, Trump. ” You know I don’t think this man is the devil.” Smiling at me she continued “But I don’t believe he ever thought he would actually be a candidate either.” I asked why she felt that way, and she said “I don’t know exactly, but it’s a feeling I get whenever I watched him speak. I think a man who has lived such a grand life runs out of new experiences. I think he liked the idea of seeing how far this would take him. She began to laugh out loud  “He always looks a little surprised like a mischievous little boy who just got away with something.” “I think he’s gone so far with this he didn’t know how to turn back.”

Then I asked her about Mrs Clinton. She smiled at me again, and said ” I think she’s a very smart lady. An ambitious woman who has managed to survive in a man’s world. It takes great courage, but the price to be paid may be much higher than she realizes.” Ms. Lee rocked some more. Then she turned to me, and said ” Isn’t it funny how everyone who walks into that position with such high ambitions comes out realizing it’s an impossible dream whether they have good intentions for our country, or strictly for themselves?”

Ms. Lee saw the look of concern on my face. She reached over. and patted my hand. “Don’t you worry child, no matter who gets elected they are never really in charge.” This time I laughed. 😉

“My Life In Ruins” G-uno

I know why the Greek “Gods” frolicked on the Acropolis in ancient Greece. It was because there is something magical about standing on top of that mountain overlooking all of Greece. At the risk of being completely partial I think it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. Being there breathes new life into me. My family has a lot to do with that without a doubt, but one would have to be in a coma not to pick up on the undeniable vibrations of something different in the atmosphere.

Stumbling around the ancient ruins you can’t help but notice the looks on the faces of every passing tourist. The complete, and utter look of awe. This was not my first trip through the ancient ruins. I was born there, and have returned there four times before. This was my fifth visit, but my first since the Greeks had begun to remove the ruins. They have built a fantastic museum to both recreate, and preserve the Parthenon in it’s original state of being. They actually uncovered a buried city while constructing the new museum. They brilliantly decided to uncover, and showcase the ruins beneath the new museum with clear flooring. So as you walk through the new museum, you can look down at the view of the newly discovered treasures below.

I think you need three full days to fully explore every part of the museum the way I would want to explore it, my family votes two. No matter how many times I have seen the ruins I find myself utterly drawn to them. Even though I am a huge fan of the new museum I felt the loss of  not seeing the Parthenon in it’s original birthplace. I felt a sadness for all those who had missed out on climbing up the Acropolis, and feeling the thrill of laying their hand on the side of the magnificent stone where billions of others had rested their hand before. On each of my prior visits, I sat across from the Parthenon watching each person who had reached the top do exactly the same thing.

I have often wondered if our hands laid where the ancient greats hand’s once laid. I like the idea of my hand resting in the same place as theirs. I love sitting in the outdoor cafes at the base of the great mountain sipping Greek coffee while staring up at the great ruins people watching, imagining what it must have been like so many years before. I can’t shake the feeling that although the surroundings have changed over the many years the essence of the people remains the same. 😉

 

Thought For Today (G-uno)

I don’t believe people

are looking for the

meaning of life as much

as they are looking for

the experience of

being alive.

-Joseph Campbell

After Thirty-Four Long Years I’m Calling It Quits (G-uno)

I can honestly say to you that I am the queen of sunny side up. My gift in life is being able to find some shred of goodness in any situation, or person. I’m no freaking saint, I was just born this way. For all I know it may just be some mad coping skill, but I prefer to see the glass as half full. If I am loyal to you I will have your back from infinity to beyond. I can count on one hand still having fingers left over the number of times in my life I have given up on someone. After thirty-four years of marriage I am calling it quits.

I would rather drink from an unflushed toilet than to put up with another single day of my in-laws. Not all of them, but yes the freaking majority of them. I am so far beyond sick of their petty backstabbing,  juvenile moronic behavior that if I had to swallow even a tiny morsel more of their crap I’m convinced I would self-ignite, and end up as a pile of ashes on the ground. Since I’m claustrophobic, and slightly germaphobic I cannot commit any act that would land me in jail. So the only possible solution for the Queen Of Sunnyside Up was a royal decree of excommunication.

You’re nodding, and scratching your head over there wondering if this is possible? Well yes wonder no more it is! I’ve come up with the master “Sunny side up plan.” I simply refuse to interact with them in any other way than a stern yes, no, or Mr. G-uno will have to get back to you on that. Why is this working for me? The answer is simple. I am no longer angry, hurt, or wracking my brain to try to repair these impossible relationships. I simply have grown too weary to exert any effort in any way. I no longer care.

Yes, I know if I no longer care then why am I posting about it? The answer is because for the first time in 34 years I have truly reached a place where my love has actually died. I am free from my own self made prison of believing that because they are my husband’s family I have to find a way to love them, to make a bond with them. I’m content with my efforts to try to form this impossible bond. I absolutely did everything within my power to be loyal to them, and it just simply failed. I think I’m just dazed by the fact that I am finally able to be at peace with this failure.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to get here, but the sweet taste of freedom has been almost intoxicating. In fact there are a few other irritants I’m considering exiling from the Kingdom of “Sunny Side Up.” 🙂