Archive for category Infidelity

Sex With The Married Ex (G-uno)

Jane said it was actually different from all the sex they’d had during their marriage. She thought it was going to be like riding a bicycle something familiar that would not require any thought. As it turned out that was in fact not the case at all. Apparently when someone rides another bicycle for a while they change their riding style, right down to the way they kiss.
In an awkward way she felt like she was also sleeping with his young wife. apparently Ex-hubby has picked up some new moves. So of course I asked her if he had improved? She smiled then said it was different not better. So of course I asked for some details.
Kissing technique has definitely not improved. Apparently he holds his mouth differently, and uses an over abundance of tongue. His young wife requires him to go to the gym so his body was in better shape than when she last saw him naked so that was a plus. He was pleasantly more skilled in the oral department. Jane attributes this to the previously mentioned changes in his kissing technique, the over abundance of tongue with a stiffer mouth positioning worked better for her in this region. His timing remained the same, but Jane reminded me that he had been using Viagra while they were still married.
Then of course I had to ask her if the sex was better than it was with Tarzan? (Don’t shake your heads you know you want to know too. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) That’s when her face changed to sadness, and she said “No it wasn’t.” Tarzan, and Jane were having some really good sex before the whole I have a daughter secret. It was clear that Jane misses both him, and their steamy jungle sex.
Finally I asked the biggest question of all “Did she regret sex with the Ex, and would she do it again? Ok I already knew she regretted it, but for my own sanity I needed her to say it out loud. LOL a kind of reassurance that I would never have to revisit that disturbing thought again mentally. Jane reassured me that it would not happen again. She and Ex-hubby likened it to the concept of “You can never go home again.”
Jane said when they had finished they both knew that this would not happen again. As for regret, she didn’t regret it. She felt completely like the tiny lit crack into the door of her past was finally a door she could close without looking back. Even though it was a little sad it was also a relief. Then she looked me in the eye, and said “I think I made a huge mistake. I want Tarzan back.”
Advertisements

, , , , , , , ,

17 Comments

Jane Slept With Ex-hubby (G-uno)

I get that we are all imperfect human beings. I also get that you don’t pass judgement on others, especially the people you love. I just have a hard time pretending to agree with a decision that is so self-destructive. Jane knew the minute she asked me how I felt about her sex with her Ex that I am not the friend who tells you what you want to hear. This is what caused our big fight. Before I give you all the mind-blowing details let me first say that if I ask you for your opinion I want your honest opinion whether I’m going to like what you said or not. That being said here’s what happened…
Jane invited me over for dinner. Dinner for Jane is code for I did something I regret so come over, and help me hash it out. I don’t think both shoes were off my feet before she blurted out “I had sex with Ex-hubby last night!” I was stunned. I expected her to say I had sex with Tarzan…or anything else other than “sex with the Ex.” Keep in mind my people skills have been more than a little off so my first response was “Why!?” Then came the one response that always annoys me no matter who says it “It just happened.” I said “Oh I see you accidentally slipped, and fell on his erection?”
Jane was instantly annoyed with me. She shot back with “I knew you wouldn’t understand!” To which I snapped back with ” You’re right I don’t understand. Is this the same man who you left for cheating on you? The man who is now married to someone else?” Well now she’s glaring at me, and says “Well he was mine first, and besides that marriage really doesn’t count so climb down off of your high horse!” I did smirk at that one. Who says “high-horse” anymore, but quickly snapped back that “It sure as hell counted when they did it to you.” Yes I know very bitchy on my part. I can only tell you that in my current state of thinking I was annoyed that we were even having this conversation. I was annoyed that she had done such a stupid thing, rather than hearing her out like a good friend I verbally smacked her.
She stood up told me what else I could do with my’ high-horse” as she walked over to her front door holding it open for me to go. I knew I should apologize, but I didn’t I walked over slid on my shoes, and left. We haven’t spoken since. I’m not exactly sure why I just don’t want to hear this. but I don’t. I did text her that I knew I owed her an apology, that I love her, but I’m not ready yet. She texted back “I love you too asshole.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

, , , , , , , , , ,

12 Comments

Ex-Hubby Married His Sugar Baby! (G-uno)

I am in in complete shock even as I type these words to you. Jane called me last night joking that she was surprised that none of us had been invited to the blessed occasion. Personally I think his new bride’s choice not to be a bride is almost as shocking as the marriage itself. My life has just been spinning wildly out of control for the last six weeks. So much so that I spent the afternoon in the doctor’s office yesterday. I have never been able to wear my stress well, and my body is taking the blunt of my brains inability to work things through.
Hearing that Ex-hubby has actually married his young lover after fully understanding she was sleeping with his friend/partner of 30 years is completely out of my realm of understanding. To me it’s like walking outside during an electrical storm with a lightening rod in hand hoping not to get struck. The girls are meeting for lunch today, but I am up to my ears in death, and antibiotics so I will have to sit this one out. I’m not contagious, but I am working very closely with “Bette Davis,”and my sister of choice’s struggles to survive. I find myself overwhelmed with all the emotions that surround my existence these days.
I am not balancing things very well at the moment. Please forgive my lack of attention to your posts, and mine. I miss both more than my words could ever express. I am living in doctor’s offices, and hospitals here lately. My brain knows that an empty well cannot offer water to others, but the universe is spinning so fast that inside I know that my time with both departing souls is slipping quickly by, and I still have so much to do for them both.
Jane has promised me a detailed blow by blow account of the newlyweds this evening so I promise to make a moment to share it all with you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

, , , , , ,

4 Comments

Ex-hubby Has Truly Lost His Mind (G-uno)

Just when you think life can’t be anymore off balanced than it already is someone in your circle reaffirms that it absolutely can. Yesterday I was at lunch with our little “Ya Ya group,”and Jane tells us all that Ex-hubby has let his 24 year old cheating ex-girlfriend move back in with him! Just as a reminder to those of you who may have not been keeping up with all of the drama in our little corner of the world Ex-hubby cheated on his 30 year plus marriage to Jane with his 24 year old secretary. The 24 year old secretary was also sleeping with ex-hubby’s business partner of 30 years. Ex-hubby who never told his young lover he had had a vasectomy was told he was going to be a father again.
Ex-hubby then breaks up with his young lover, and kicks her out of their place. She moves in with Ex-hubby’s buisness partner(a.k.a. baby daddy), but now Jane tells us that according to her son that Ex-hubby has let her move back in with him. I know my head is spinning too. Apparently the young woman had suffered a miscarriage due to all the stress she was under, and realized that she made a huge mistake because she knows now that Ex-hubby is her one true soulmate.
I am deeply sorry for her miscarriage, but I’m not buying this whole soulmate business. I asked Mr. G-uno if he knew that Ex-hubby had moved her back in with him, and he looked at me like I had lost my mind. It appears that I’m not the only one who’s been off balance here lately.

, , , , , , ,

19 Comments

From Hawaii To Humiliation Ex-Hubby’s Back (G-uno)

Just when you think you’ve been served a full plate at the “Karma Cafe” you find out that your also entitled to some just dessert. Folks we are not talking about pineapple upside down cake although upside down is a pretty accurate adjective for the state of Ex-hubby’s affairs. Sorry awful pun intended here. Ex-hubby is back from his vacation for one, and I think he would love nothing more than to run away again, but this time with a no return ticket.
His 24 year old pregnant mistress decided that since the “oops you had a vasectomy that came undone story” wasn’t flying that it was time to move on to move forward with her life by revealing who her (pardon the slang) “Baby Daddy ” is, and no it’s not their hunky pool guy. It’s way worse than being left for someone younger. It’s so much more humiliating than that, even though I think Jane was secretly hoping it would be someone younger. Don’t feel too sorry for Jane though because karma has amply decided to reward her for all the horrible things she had to endure when Ex- hubby left her for a woman who is two years younger than their daughter “Khaleesi.”
Are you holding on tight? It’s Ex-hubby’s business partner, and friend of 25 years! Please do not let the irony of the fact that their 25 year partnership is exactly one year older than the 24 year-old office secretary they are sharing escape your attention. Jane tried to muster up some sympathy as she delivered this news to me, but even over the phone I could picture the look of satisfaction I could not physically see. What was this 24 year old woman thinking? Even worse what were these two 50 plus year-old men thinking?
I love Jane, but I have to admit I am feeling sorry for Ex-hubby too. I know he brought all of this mess onto himself, and I have to keep reminding myself that he had no sympathy for Jane when he was moving full speed ahead with his new life. To make matters worse I have to truthfully confess to you that I can’t wait for lunch today. ๐Ÿ˜‰

, , , , , , , ,

7 Comments

Ex-Hubby’s Karma Cake Is Fully Baked (G-uno)

Some of the karma cakes we bake for ourselves fall neatly into that rare category of having a cake you don’t particularly want to eat. Cheating on your wife, and breaking up your home to start a life with a woman who is two years younger than your youngest daughter produces the kind of karma cake nobody’s emotional digestive system wants to digest. Unfortunately karma is a force to be reckoned with, and Ex-hubby is having some wicked indigestion.
According to Jane, Ex-hubby never went back to their little love nest after their daughter’s wedding. He checked into the nearest Hilton refusing to have any contact with his infamous sugar baby for three days. When he finally returned to their little love nest he told her to pack her bags, and never come back. She of course won an award winning trophy for her almost believable performance of “How could you think I would cheat on you!?” To which Ex-hubby replies “Because I had a vasectomy after Khaleesi was born!”
You have to give this young lady a nod because she didn’t miss a beat, even after hearing this shocking news she quickly replied “Well sometimes these procedures come undone!” Ex-hubby admitted to Mr. G-uno for a brief moment he let that thought cross his mind before started yanking her suitcase out of the closet. She refused to leave on the grounds that she needed adequate time to sort this all out, and that she was concerned for her baby’s health because of all the stress he was causing her.
Well Ex-hubby being Ex-hubby packed the suitcase for himself, and is currently enjoying a solo vacation in Hawaii that the two of them had been planning on taking after Khaleesi’s wedding. Ironically Ex-hubby checked with his divorce lawyer on the matter, and his pregnant girlfriend can not immediately be evicted from their little love nest since it has been her legal residence since November. He will have to go through the proper channels to kick her out.
I have to tell you all that the entire irony of the situation did not escape Jane’s notice. As we all sat there having lunch together Jane pointed out that Ex-hubby didn’t need a lawyer to tell him he couldn’t kick the sugar baby out. All he had to do was think back to when they were splitting up, and when he smugly told her by law that she couldn’t kick him & his girlfriend out of their vacation house which is currently their little love nest.
As we were all finishing our lunch Jane sat there with a noticeably smug look on her face, and when the waitress asked us if anyone wanted dessert she smiled at our waitress asking “If they happened to have any pineapple upsidedown cake?” ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

 

, , , , , , ,

13 Comments

Ex-hubby Is Coming To The Wedding (G-uno)

Not matter how badly we are capable of screwing things up we all have that deep down need to know that our bad actions do not completely cancel out our good ones. I am a huge fan of second chances, mostly because I’ve been known to screw things up quite royally ย myself. As strong as Khaleesi has been I know that having her father not attend her wedding would deeply hurt her. My feeling is that behind this awesome warrior is a little girl who needs to know that daddy will still put her above his own personal desires.
Of course I would never been able to predict any of Ex-hubby’s recent behaviors so it never left my mind for a single moment that my little invitation to him, and his girlfriend might blow up in my face. Try to keep in mind that before all of this Ex-hubby, and I were almost like family. So I decided to invite him, and his girlfriend to lunch. I’m pretty sure that the only reason they both showed up was because this is the very first invitation she has received since she decided to steal Jane’s husband, and no I haven’t forgotten that I was treading on some dangerous territory here because of my love for Jane.
I arrived early so I saw the two of them as they came up the sidewalk. Ex-hubby looked a bit less self righteous than the last time I saw him. She was wearing a pair of tight fitting jeans, and what we call a “wife beater” t-shirt. She was turning the heads of every man, and woman in the restaurant. What she lacks in inner beauty she more than makes up for it in physical beauty. I stood up to hug Ex-hubby, and I extended my hand to her. I thanked them ย both for coming.
She is so young, and I wasn’t sure if she was unaware, or simply unphased by how the rest of us see her. I had been very up front with my invitation by saying I wanted to discuss the wedding so they knew, well at least he did that I would be getting straight to the point. I had already made up my mind to approach her since she is absolutely calling the shots here.I began by saying that it’s time now for everyone to find a way to live with one another, and I feel like we have a golden opportunity before us to make a new beginning.
I told them I was aware that all of this must be extremely difficult for them as well. She nodded at me between checking her phone for messages. She is no Khaleesi, but I’m sure this little lunch was extremely uncomfortable for her. I kept my eyes on her, and I told her that as much as she would like to be a part of her boyfriend’s life (boyfriend felt odd coming out of my mouth, and I had to really focus on my facial expressions as I spoke) I would ask her to put herself in Khaleesi’s shoes regarding her mother.
She checked her phone again. This time Ex-hubby put his hand over the screen, motioning for her to put it down. She did then I said that she had a chance to be the hero in this situation. I told her that by encouraging Ex-hubby to attend this wedding without her she would be letting him be a part of a moment that would stay with him, and his daughter for a life time. I told her that you know he has chosen to respect your relationship above all else in front of Jane, and all of us. She was smiling, completely pleased about this fact. Then I told her that Ex-hubby would never go without her. She smiled again this time stroking his face like a reward for being a good boy.
Yes, I know I am a shameless manipulator, but all is fair in love, and war right? So I went further to say that perhaps Ex-hubby could attend the ceremony staying for the first dance, and a bite of cake, then politely excuse himself. Ex-hubby started to speak, and she gently held her fingers over his lips looked towards me, and said “I think it’s a good idea.” Ex-hubby who is no dummy darts a stern look in my direction. He sees right through me.
I desperately wanted to seal the deal at this moment so I quickly divert my attention back to her saying “I don’t expect you to decide now, I’m sure you both need some time alone to discuss this together.” She immediately says ” no it’s okay,” turning to him placing both hands on each side of his face” I think you should go.” Then she checkers his lips with several baby kisses while I fought the urge to bust out laughing.
We finished our lunch, and she happily told me about their plans to go ย to Hawaii this summer. I get that she is so beautiful, but I could not relinquish the thought that she is no Jane. ๐Ÿ˜‰

, , , , ,

11 Comments

%d bloggers like this: