Archive for category new beginnings
The Hippy will be unemployed when her and her pornstar (the boyfriend) move back to their home state to await the arrival of their unexpected son or daughter. This is not making her happy at all. She is very prideful and a lot of her self-worth is tied to how much she brings in. Her boyfriend is more the “bitch, get in the kitchen and fix me a sandwich” variety, but I think most of that is just bluster.
Apparently, the point of contention right now is she is trying to demand that they have all joint accounts since they plan on getting married at some point anyway and wants them to have full disclosure on everything. His stance is more “not no, but HELL NO!”
I’m totally making him look bad, but the guy’s mom blew through the nest egg his parents had been stashing away since his birth and even stole money from her son all of his life while still living with them, and did it often. Her son! Stole from her own damn son!
Of course, this is what I pointed out to her when she was choosing to be offended because he flat out denied her this. Of course he would, he has massive trust issues and a lot of stunted maturity to work through. The attitude in my very first paragraph exemplified that alone.
I told her that as an unemployed single mom, which is what she technically is, she was in a better position to qualify for assistance. They already worked out this was going to be the best way for both of them, so hand over her bills that she will still need dealt with and let him handle it. Her contribution is not going to be measured by a paycheck but it was not to be belittled as any less important. In fact, she would be taking the brunt of the worst of it in a way he would never understand.
Their relationship really wasn’t ready to take on a third party really yet. There’s a lot of conflicts of attitudes going on and ways of thinking that don’t align with the two of them. But that’s part of the process. It’s not ideal, but I don’t think its impossible either.
I told her that different couples had many different ways of dealing with money in a way they both can live with. There’s a reason its one of the top five reasons for divorce so don’t make it such a massive issue she wasn’t allowing any flexibility on it.
Three accounts where only one is mutual and the other two are individual would make for a decent compromise, but don’t entangle herself in his finances in any way until after she was working again and off assistance. Whatever people may think about welfare in the US, the organizations that review cases are truly looking for ANY possible way to disqualify you for assistance. They want you talking so you’ll slip up on something, no matter how mundane it may seem. It’s very much like those interrogation rooms on crimes shows only they wear you down by ignoring you in the waiting room for hours first. The snide indifference is completely free.
In the back of my mind though, their relationship is about to go through the biggest hurdle one can and they weren’t on the best ground to begin with. If this whole situation hits shitstorm status, she can at least make a clean break.
Hopeful, yet ever the cynic, I am…
Personally, my former spouse was of the “as long as we have each other, I don’t need money” and I was more the “bitch, I’m not sleeping in a fucking car with you in -30 degree winters, go fucking get a job already or I will tauntaun your ass for warmth” so my perception is a bit different. We did have all combined accounts and expenses and a 17k credit card balance in their name hit my credit rating along with the house they let foreclose… so I’m a bit bitter on the issue myself.
What struggles have you had navigating relationship and finances and how did you handle them? Do you wish you’d done anything differently?
The Hippy and her pornstar have recently decided that moving back to their home state will be much better for them when the baby comes. He will be in a better position to be promoted as his company is based there since she will be unable to work for a while and both of their families are nearby for emotional and possible babysitting support.
The Hippy comes from a “salt of the earth” family that struggled at times to make ends meet. Her dad had a tendency for violence and a bad temper and her mom bent over backwards to appease him. She knows she is a people pleaser directly due to this.
The Pornstar had more a spoiled brat, men are manly men, kind of upbringing with an emotionally abusive mother. This has made him cynical, brooding, bitingly sarcastic, and distant.
I relate to him more since my upbringing more aligned with his, not the wealth, not even two parental figured, but the emotional abuse I completely get. It’s the part that helps me translate him to her. Just below the surface of those biting remarks lies a person who desperately wants her to stay with him forever and loves her very much. Sadly, its written all over his face only when she isn’t looking.
She was starved for acknowledgement, for doting, for expressions of affection. In trying to obtain these things, she was slinging some pretty biting shit to him too, even going so far as to remind him she could do better. She doted, she catered, she ego-stroked, but when he was less than forthcoming in a manner she desired, she would get desperate and then it just got rude.
It’s weird when you have to tell an adult “how would you react if he said that shit to you?” She admitted it would kill her and I had to point out that by doing that she was making it all worse, he would just sink his heels in and tell her to go. It’s what I would do.
This guy is a stud in her eyes, she thinks of him as the hottest thing on the planet. It’s adorable to witness the two of them.
But their ability to communicate… dayum.
I told her that first and foremost, never treat the person you value most like shit. I have never understood why Grand spent more time doting on strangers while treating their family like crap.
I then talked to her about the language of love… yeah, try not to gag. I told her that my cousin and his wife would always get pissed at one another because they spoke their affections in ways the other didn’t notice.
My cousin would buy expensive jewelry for his bride, stressing over every single piece while his wife just wanted him to take out the fucking trash without being asked. Her life was too hectic and busy to wear jewelry except on really rare occasiona so she saw the jewelry as yet another jab of something else that was not much use to her.
When I was laughing at one of their arguments and pointed this out, they both seemed kind of stunned. But I think later on they started paying attention to one another’s methods a bit more.
I pointed out the same kinds of things with Hippy. He was showing it in his own way as we got to talking about, just not the bullshit they have on rom-coms, which is more what she was wanting. Let’s face it, that shit just ain’t realistic.
They both were trying their best to show their affections. But again, they weren’t appreciating the ways one another did it. So I told her, “express a few to him on his level, something he gets, and maybe he’ll start reciprocating and noticing yours.”
Did any of you ever have a miscommunication with your love languages?
I haven’t really gone into this since I got sidetracked with anger.
The Hippy, who I met through Yankee Heather, works in another department from mine. One in which I rely on to get what I need done, but I get ultra busy and they do too so our ability to interact on topics outside of things we both need from one another tends to be minimal, It makes for a lot of misconceptions about one another when you’re not able to have a conversation with someone you work with so you can get a sense of their personality.
It’s not that I don’t have friendships with people in the department, but they’ve been slowly built over the years.
I had to laugh when The Hippy and I were sharing our first impressions of one another. I was hated and found terrifying and she was so glad I was the exact opposite, though she said a lot of that negative impression had to do with one particular member of her team who has a tendency to project a lot of their internal turmoil on others. It didn’t shock me. I probably would have been more impressed if the opposite were true.
Their team is run by a very tiny little woman who takes no shit and is swift and thorough and somewhat terrifying in her own right, and in that team are at least two who see enemies everywhere, one worse than the other.
One gave me the first impression of “elitist bitch” (this was the culprit) but kind of came off her pedestal over the years, while the other was just prone to being defensive. I once told them “I’ve never learned shit by getting it right the first time” when they messed something up and I was showing them how to fix it, and we’ve been vastly better ever since.
I told The Hippy I’d thought she was awesome the first time I’d met her. She’s laid back, but not lazy, expedient, you only had to point out an error once, she’s personable, intelligent, attentive and curious. She has a similar talent as G-uno in that you become fast friends and she can see right through a lot of shit…except when she has her own emotional investment in the view, I guess. That’s a hard one for all of us, I would venture.
Her and her boyfriend have known each other a long time as friends, went their separate ways for a while, she had been married and divorced once already. an abusive situation, and the prospect of doing it again was terrifying to her. They crossed paths again in the aftermath of bad relationships and just sparked intensely.
Seriously, not once when I met these two outside of work could they ever be on time because they couldn’t keep their hands off one another.
Apparently, I’m at that age where, although I still find it mildly revolting, I also find it adorable in its own right. I always expected to be too curmudgeonly for that shit.
The Hippy recently found out she was pregnant. For all the years she declared to never want kids, when faced with the very real possibility of having one upon her, even with all the fear, she realized was excited about the idea. Especially considering she’d been told she’d never have any.
While she toyed with the idea of an abortion and if they were ready to be parents, when asking for his honest opinion, her boyfriend stuck to his “no kids” sentiment, while at the same time increasing his retirement investment, pouring over his budget, laid out when they should move into a bigger place, and planned out how to fast track himself into a promotion.
It took a while for him to finally admit he really did want this child, but didn’t want to put any pressure on her to have it if she didn’t want it. So she was afraid to tell him she wanted to keep it because of how she felt before finding out she was pregnant, and he didn’t want to tell her he wanted the child because of…. shit….
aw fuck, it all make me want to beat the hell out of both of them from the nausea.
Let’s start off by saying the sparks that were flying on February 13th were not exactly the same on Valentine’s day. In the waiting room of the hospital one might have gotten the impression that Tarzan, and Jane were heading straight for the sheets. There was so much tension in the room as he held her I was sure there would be less talk, and more sex. This however was not the case.
Tarzan did invite Jane over to his house for dinner. Jane who was still elated over Khaleesi, and the baby being okay along with Tarzan’s appearance in the waiting room was under the impression that everything could go back to the way it had been before. So she buys a sexy new red dress, gets waxed from head to toe, and heads over to Tarzan’s for a steamy Valentine’s Day reunion.
Tarzan on the other hand was still harboring a raging grudge over Jane breaking up with him for having kept his daughter a secret from her. Jane told me it was pretty awkward showing up with the all is forgiven attitude only to find out that she was the one who had not been forgiven. Tarzan agreed that he understood how Jane may have felt betrayed, but he didn’t understand her just walking away from what they shared without any effort towards trying to work things out.
He also informed Jane that they were way passed the point of only her feelings being the only ones to be considered. That he did not want to have a relationship with someone who considered their point of view to be the only one that mattered. Jane told me she was trying to listen with an open mind, but she was starting to get really pissed at the same time. She reminded him that a lie by omission is still a lie. His rebuttal was that he really did not view the young woman as his daughter, followed by if you give a child up for adoption do you still get to walk around saying you have a child?
Jane’s rebuttal was that you continued to hide the fact that you had a daughter even though you had agreed to meet her after several unmentioned conversations together. Tarzan told Jane that he was still processing the whole thing, and he wasn’t ready to share that with her at that point. He also told her that he resented the fact that she still thought he was under some obligation to share every part of his life as though they were a married couple. Then he pointed out they were not married, and that was also something that she had decided.
Jane became livid at this point, and said ” I can’t believe you’re still butt hurt over the whole proposal thing I had just gotten out of a 30 year plus marriage!” Well the whole “butt-hurt” comment didn’t go over well, and he started yelling back “Well sorry for not getting permission from you to make a decision on my own…I forgot it was the Jane show!”
Jane said that was when it hit her that they were having the same argument all over again just like a married couple. She said as she stood there watching him pacing back & forth all worked up she realized she is in love with him. Then she walked over to him, and cupped his face with both hands, and uttered the magic words “I’m sorry. We are never going to get one another to change how we both see this can we please just agree to disagree?” Tarzan was stunned by her reaction. His reply was “Well okay then.”So this is how it all began again…. 😉
I believe in an earlier post I described socializing with the Yankee, and getting to know the Hippy. the Hippy and I especially have been bonding a great deal. Hippy was rather distracted and irritable during our stellar Excel class, more so than the exemplary education we were receiving could be causing, so we teased her quite a bit about the possibility of her being pregnant, no less due to the extremely picky and insatiable appetite she had going on the entire day. Hippy even mentioned at one point she’d name it after me with a “McDickface” in there somewhere if that happened to be the case.
Hippy lives with her boyfriend of a couple years. I met him, we bonded in the younger brother from another mother kind of way. He was a great guy and I liked him a lot, saw a lot of myself in him and by extension, I saw a lot of immaturity as well. He’s gruff, brusque, tough fronted, but when Hippy turns her head, his expression changes to something very tender. She has often started using me as her boyfriend interpreter.
They’ve known one another since high school, when he was dating a friend of hers. Of course, he tries very hard to minimize the importance of that relationship whenever it comes up with the Hippy, but she knows better and doesn’t let it bug her as it once did. the friend cheated, time went on, and now the friend gets to watch their facebook posts as their life together progresses. Things turn out odd in life.
Spawn’s other parent was an attendee at my wedding. Life has a twisted sense of humor.
So Hippy is pregnant.
They’re not married, had no current plans on even discussing it any time soon as they’ve had a pretty shaky but stabilizing beginning and have now been suddenly thrown into parenthood.
This is pretty much how Spawn came to pass, only when their presence was discovered, I was long over the relationship and had tossed the other contributor out.
I, of course, was a model of decorum when she gave us the news and almost fell on the floor from laughing. I also demanded she agree to keep the name she’d threatened to bless it with in my honor.
Ms. Lee is not your average 82 year old woman with Alzheimer’s. She remains intelligent in her ability to analyze life based on years of her own experiences. The conversations we share on our outings to the “Cracker Barrel” have become some of my most treasured conversations. Her ability to separate her own personal experiences with racial indignities reveals one of the most insightful and intelligent personalities I have ever known.
So out of complete curiosity I had to ask Ms. Lee her thoughts on the upcoming election. This is not a conversation I have invited anyone else to have with me . I am always open to adult opinions of our candidates. I have no desire to sway, or disrespect another person’s point of view.
We finished our early breakfast, and as has become our routine we went out to the front porch of the restaurant to find two rocking chairs to share our conversations of the morning. For me it’s like being a child again on the front porch of my grandmother’s home. For Ms. Lee it’s the front porch of her childhood home in Mississippi.
Ms. Lee continues to watch the news, speeches, and debates. I opened our conversation by asking her opinion of both Mrs Clinton, and Mr.Trump. She rocked for a bit giving my question some careful thought. Then she said with a huge smile”This has been something to see hasn’t it?”
She began by speaking about Mr, Trump. ” You know I don’t think this man is the devil.” Smiling at me she continued “But I don’t believe he ever thought he would actually be a candidate either.” I asked why she felt that way, and she said “I don’t know exactly, but it’s a feeling I get whenever I watched him speak. I think a man who has lived such a grand life runs out of new experiences. I think he liked the idea of seeing how far this would take him. She began to laugh out loud “He always looks a little surprised like a mischievous little boy who just got away with something.” “I think he’s gone so far with this he didn’t know how to turn back.”
Then I asked her about Mrs Clinton. She smiled at me again, and said ” I think she’s a very smart lady. An ambitious woman who has managed to survive in a man’s world. It takes great courage, but the price to be paid may be much higher than she realizes.” Ms. Lee rocked some more. Then she turned to me, and said ” Isn’t it funny how everyone who walks into that position with such high ambitions comes out realizing it’s an impossible dream whether they have good intentions for our country, or strictly for themselves?”
Ms. Lee saw the look of concern on my face. She reached over. and patted my hand. “Don’t you worry child, no matter who gets elected they are never really in charge.” This time I laughed. 😉
So my co-worker The Yankee invited Spawn and I over for their housewarming/Fourth of July festivities with other friends and co-workers. How this initially abrasive being has managed to win over the good graces of half the building, I will never understand but I have to say I’m kind of grateful for it.
Where I work, there is this US vs. THEM kind of vibe between departments. My department, mostly, has all been here about 4 years or less, with the exception of one self-proclaimed VP who has been here too damn long and should honestly be let go. When you’re biggest task for bragging rights is balancing one of the owner’s checkbook, you need to understand you’re an overpaid personal secretary and fuck off. She however has vast delusions of grandeur and is one of those who constantly plays the martyr, even though she has more fucking vacation time, benefits, pay… than anyone else.
She is also the one who hired the Yankee, gushed about their wonderfulness and absolute genius to an annoying degree (I think I went over this before that this woman thinks I’m a fucking idiot), and I’m guessing was hoping they would form a clique with the other useless, manipulative piece of shit that has everyone snowed. Ah three musketeers.
The Yankee can’t fucking stand her. And its getting worse every day. This amuses me to no end.
Personally, I give it a long try, but if I can’t get along with my direct superior, I’m looking for work elsewhere. That relationship is very important to me. We have to be able to work together. I adore my boss right now, we often see things eye to eye and back one another up. I have been seriously lucky in this department for the last 10+ years, I’m hoping its for making up for some epic shitty ones before.
During the course of the Yankee’s time here, they have managed to befriend and divulge a lot about the dynamics of the other departments. They found out that my department is absolutely hated, that we’re evil, that we’re a bunch of bastards… but this is a theme fostered by old fucktards in other departments that only remember the fucktards my department replaced… with the exception of one old fucktard anyway.
The new people are trying to reconcile what they’re being told with what they’re dealing with and its not matching up at all. My boss always breaks her neck to help anyone, but she’s no doormat. One of my other co-workers has all the aggression of a puppy, then there’s the yankee, me and the fucktard. I’m at most curt, but only because you can’t emotionally interpret shit in a 5 word email. I learned that the hard way decades ago. I’ve made a point of telling any of the ones I’ve met, you don’t have to schedule time with me, just come, nothing I’m doing is more important.
I always wondered why when some of the ones in our project department needed to ask me questions, they always maneuvered like they were navigating broken glass. I got along with quite a few, but the older ones I always felt needed a heavy dose of humbling and an attitude adjustment before they ran off the really good new people they didn’t bother to train.
The design team had nothing to do with us at all, I’ve only dealt with one guy in there and he’s kind of a slackass shit disturber who’s been here a long time. See a theme? Because of the Yankee, I’m slowly getting more interaction with these mythical beings that share common space with me that think I work in a lair rather than an office.
With all of this new information, and other departments who have an “in” via the Yankee… I’m kind of interested to see how the Fourth is going to play out when I’m in a situation where I’m not glued to a computer and can actually interact.