Archive for category Prewedding Drama
Not matter how badly we are capable of screwing things up we all have that deep down need to know that our bad actions do not completely cancel out our good ones. I am a huge fan of second chances, mostly because I’ve been known to screw things up quite royally myself. As strong as Khaleesi has been I know that having her father not attend her wedding would deeply hurt her. My feeling is that behind this awesome warrior is a little girl who needs to know that daddy will still put her above his own personal desires.
Of course I would never been able to predict any of Ex-hubby’s recent behaviors so it never left my mind for a single moment that my little invitation to him, and his girlfriend might blow up in my face. Try to keep in mind that before all of this Ex-hubby, and I were almost like family. So I decided to invite him, and his girlfriend to lunch. I’m pretty sure that the only reason they both showed up was because this is the very first invitation she has received since she decided to steal Jane’s husband, and no I haven’t forgotten that I was treading on some dangerous territory here because of my love for Jane.
I arrived early so I saw the two of them as they came up the sidewalk. Ex-hubby looked a bit less self righteous than the last time I saw him. She was wearing a pair of tight fitting jeans, and what we call a “wife beater” t-shirt. She was turning the heads of every man, and woman in the restaurant. What she lacks in inner beauty she more than makes up for it in physical beauty. I stood up to hug Ex-hubby, and I extended my hand to her. I thanked them both for coming.
She is so young, and I wasn’t sure if she was unaware, or simply unphased by how the rest of us see her. I had been very up front with my invitation by saying I wanted to discuss the wedding so they knew, well at least he did that I would be getting straight to the point. I had already made up my mind to approach her since she is absolutely calling the shots here.I began by saying that it’s time now for everyone to find a way to live with one another, and I feel like we have a golden opportunity before us to make a new beginning.
I told them I was aware that all of this must be extremely difficult for them as well. She nodded at me between checking her phone for messages. She is no Khaleesi, but I’m sure this little lunch was extremely uncomfortable for her. I kept my eyes on her, and I told her that as much as she would like to be a part of her boyfriend’s life (boyfriend felt odd coming out of my mouth, and I had to really focus on my facial expressions as I spoke) I would ask her to put herself in Khaleesi’s shoes regarding her mother.
She checked her phone again. This time Ex-hubby put his hand over the screen, motioning for her to put it down. She did then I said that she had a chance to be the hero in this situation. I told her that by encouraging Ex-hubby to attend this wedding without her she would be letting him be a part of a moment that would stay with him, and his daughter for a life time. I told her that you know he has chosen to respect your relationship above all else in front of Jane, and all of us. She was smiling, completely pleased about this fact. Then I told her that Ex-hubby would never go without her. She smiled again this time stroking his face like a reward for being a good boy.
Yes, I know I am a shameless manipulator, but all is fair in love, and war right? So I went further to say that perhaps Ex-hubby could attend the ceremony staying for the first dance, and a bite of cake, then politely excuse himself. Ex-hubby started to speak, and she gently held her fingers over his lips looked towards me, and said “I think it’s a good idea.” Ex-hubby who is no dummy darts a stern look in my direction. He sees right through me.
I desperately wanted to seal the deal at this moment so I quickly divert my attention back to her saying “I don’t expect you to decide now, I’m sure you both need some time alone to discuss this together.” She immediately says ” no it’s okay,” turning to him placing both hands on each side of his face” I think you should go.” Then she checkers his lips with several baby kisses while I fought the urge to bust out laughing.
We finished our lunch, and she happily told me about their plans to go to Hawaii this summer. I get that she is so beautiful, but I could not relinquish the thought that she is no Jane. 😉
Ex-hubby is being some sort of a version of a “Father-of-The Bride- Zilla.” Weddings should be so much more stress free than they actually are, but then there’s real life drama to swipe that notion right to the side. I went over to Jane’s house Tuesday evening to try to help straighten out the whole wedding invitation situation. Since we have exactly 27 days to give baby girl the wedding of her dreams, I don’t mind telling you that I’m feeling a little more than stressed myself.
I’ve decided to call Jane’s daughter (our bride to be) “Khaleesi” in my posts. Those of you who watch Game of Thrones will immediately understand the reference. For those who do not follow the show “Khaleesi” is a complete badass female warrior who follows her own path in life without exception. I personally am a huge fan of the mother of the dragons style.
The final headcount for this wedding will be 100, and not one single guest more. This does not include Ex-hubby’s girlfriend! Ex-hubby was absolutely furious. He told “Khaleesi” that she could have his R.S.V.P. now marked will not attend! He also told her that since his feelings were of no consideration to her that he was also closing his wallet. This of course was the point where everyone started going ballistic. Insults were being thrown in every direction. Jane was in Ex-hubby’s face, and I kind of stood there watching in slow motion.
Then “Khalessi” stood up on her chair placed her fingers in her mouth letting out a whistle that would have made the dog cover it’s ears if he hadn’t of been outside, and the entire room stopped. She told everyone to pay close attention because she had no intention of having this conversation again. “I am the bride, and my husband-to- be has given me the go ahead to plan this wedding exactly how I want to, so this is how this is going to go. Mom I appreciate everything your doing for us, but Dad is no longer your problem. Tarzan I will be completely pissed if you do not attend our wedding. “Ya ya’s I cant think of a single important moment in my life that did not include you, and I am grateful that you are letting me hand out orders for getting this wedding going. We could not make this happen without you.”
“Dad I love you, and nothing would mean more to me than to have you give me away, but I do not love your girlfriend. I do not want to see her face in my wedding photos. If you are happy with your new life then I will try to be happy for you. To me she is a constant reminder of one of the most unhappy moments in my life, so I’m not inviting her to be a part of one of the most important moments in my life now. As for your wallet being closed well let that be a reminder to you that this subject is also closed!”
Then in true “Mother of the Dragon” style she stepped off of her chair, and turned towards me. She said “Well I think we’re making progress here, there will be 100 hundred invitations, and we already have one R.S.V.P. let’s talk about decorations.” Of course Ex-hubby wanted to bluster some more, but “Khaleesi” held up her tiny little hand making the stop motion. Her eyes remained on our list in front of us, then without another word he turned, and walked out the door.
“The Mother of the Dragons” did not mention her father again. We worked until we finished the last of the invitations which will be mailed out today. There were exactly 100 guests invited and not a single more. 😉
I swear I’m having flashbacks to our daughter’s wedding minus the cheating Ex-hubby, and his twenty-three year old girlfriend. The absolute worst part of wedding planning was by far for me the guest list. It is a point of complete, and utter stress! Even more so when your father cheats on your mother with someone who is two years younger than you are, and then demands that his girlfriend be invited to your wedding.
Ex-hubby asked his youngest daughter if Tarzan was invited. She replied yes he is.” Then her father demanded to know why Tarzan was invited, but not his girlfriend. To which his daughter replied “Because we aren’t inviting any children to our wedding. There will not even be a flower girl, or a ring bearer.” (I have always loved this child) Then Ex-hubby tells his daughter he has no intention of coming to a wedding his girlfriend is uninvited to, and stomps out of the house.
Tarzan tells the bride to be that he will back out that way she can have both of her parents present without all the drama. She thanks Tarzan, but tells him that she will not be bullied by her Dad’s ultimatum. She said he is invited, and if he chooses not to come then so be it. Jane tells her youngest daughter that it will not bother her one bit. This is the point where the Bride-to-be, Tarzan, and myself breakout into hysterical laughter.
Jane looks at the three of us, flips us all off while marching to the bar to pour herself a well deserved drink. We have 33 days until the wedding. I’m not sure we can survive all of this, but I am sure that I like the bride-to-be’s style. 😉
Yesterday’s luncheon to put our heads together to plan Jane’s daughter’s wedding turned into a complete nightmare! Originally we planned to meet at Jane’s house for lunch, but Tarzan told Jane he wanted to help out by having all of our girls over to his house instead. He wanted to cook lunch for our bunch so we could focus on putting this wedding together since we have all of five whole weeks to do so. The wedding will be on Saturday June 25th, 2016.
Jane was thrilled, and we were too because Tarzan is a stellar cook! When we arrived at his house we were quickly greeted by paper wedding bells on the front door, and when we went inside the theme was perfectly clear. This lunch was wedding themed from the appetizers right on through to the dessert.
We were each given a glass of Sangria, and led to a beautiful dinning room table complete with a beautiful flower arrangement. We were served scallops wrapped in bacon (screw the full length mirror!), then we were served grilled fish with Saffron rice, and a beautiful spinach & Feta cheese salad. All of us were gushing over Tarzan’s delicious food. We joked that we were annoyed with Jane for making him where clothes to serve our lunch. We all know that Tarzan is predominately a nudist. Jane joked back that she would share his cooking, but not anything more.
We were throwing the wedding details together like absolute pro’s, and then came the dessert. A miniature two layer wedding cake, with a tiny cupid sporting an engagement ring on the tip of it’s arrow, and a sign around it’s neck that read “Jane will you marry me?” As the rest of our group sat wide eyed mouths opened, Tarzan had knelt next to Jane’s chair I looked up at Jane’s face as the words “no” came out of her mouth in what seemed like slow motion. I froze.
Tarzan in complete shock stood up, and said” no? ” Tarzan ran behind her completely in shock while the rest of us looked at each other in complete disbelief over what we had just witnessed. I don’t think in the history of time our little Sangria filled group had ever sobered up so quickly. Jane pulled out of Tarzan’s driveway in record time. He walked back into the house looked at all of us, grabbed his keys, got into his car and left.
We tried repeatedly to call Jane. She wouldn’t pick up, so I texted her and told her Tarzan left too right after she did. Jane texted back that he was not with her, and that she was okay. Then she asked us to give her some space. So we all cleaned up our lunch. We put the cake back into the refrigerator (no we didn’t eat it but there was some discussion about that too), but mostly we were all still stunned. We left Tarzan a note saying thank you, and sorry. Then we locked up, and left.
I tried calling Jane several times today between my jobs. I guess I’m just going to have to give her some space.
What’s a wedding without drama? I think there’s some sort of subliminal signal that goes into overdrive within family members, and with other significant people who will be a part of someone’s wedding in some way. Ours started with the female first cousin who also became engaged after our daughter had announced her engagement, and her wedding date. Said cousin decided to put her wedding six weeks in front of ours. I won’t lie to you, we were initially quite pissed by the complete lack of etiquette. It was meant to be a passive aggressive act of disrespect, but rather than become the same small kind of human being we pulled up our “big girl pants,”and moved forward.
Next came the problem of not having a budget that could afford to invite the entire family. My husband’s side alone came to almost 300 guests. The budget was for 150 guests. So rather than play favorites, (and to allow the groom to have some guests) the only fair thing to do was to make the cut off point after the first cousins. There are so many, that this also meant no plus ones unless you have a spouse. Each invitation was carefully given with RSVP cards that had only the names of those who fell into this category. WE thought this would be the most delicate way to handle things. Wrong immediately on the wedding website one cousin asks if it’s a mistake, and should she write her children’s name on the RSVP.
Our daughter felt so badly, but decided to use the public site to say how very much they regretted not being able to afford to invite the entire family. She said that rather than play favorites they just made the cut off point after the first cousins, and no plus ones only spouses. Our daughter has tried to be as polite as possible concerning the wedding. The wedding website was only given to those who would be invited. She does not post anything about the wedding on any other social media. She has also opted not to have a shower, or any other wedding event to avoid hurting anyone else’s feelings.
Her made of honor hates this for her, and put together a small shower with her brides maids, and her future MIL & myself. Well this all seemed drama free. Until her future SIL who is one of her bridesmaids decided to come out of the closet, and ask if she could bring her girlfriend to the shower.SIL being gay is completely not an issue for anyone, except her own mother. To be fair to the future MIL (who was raised in an extremely religious home) had only had a few days to absorb the news. Her daughter had always had relationships with men so there was never any indication that she was gay.
MIL is an intense person who is still worried that her son, and my daughter are going to hell for living in sin. You see the problem now? MIL tells my daughter that her daughter can not act like a couple at the wedding because it will kill her mother (the grandmother) going further to say if they tell the grandmother she won’t attend the wedding. My daughter tells MIL that she will not ask SIL to behave in any way at her wedding. We have raised our daughter to understand that love is love, so she doesn’t want her SIL to be anything other than who she is. MIL loves her daughter so she tries to hold in her true feelings at the bridal shower.
This started out awkwardly, but we were doing our best to welcome SIL’s girlfriend who was meeting everyone for the first time. Then after the shower MIL completely loses it, and explodes verbally vomiting all over her daughter, and her girlfriend. She demands that they tell the grandmother, that they show zero PDA at the wedding because my daughter said she didn’t want that at her wedding! SIL, and her girlfriend show up at our daughter’s (her brother’s) apartment in tears because she was under the impression that they had lied about being comfortable about her coming out of the closet.
Our daughter is livid because MIL lied. It took an hour to make SIL feel better, and convince the girlfriend that she should attend the wedding. Finally my future son in-law said “Look you are not coming to our wedding pretending that you are friends. If mom, and grandma have a problem they can pretend that they don’t.” Drama? They have been swimming in it! No matter how hard they try, it seems to be impossible to escape. However, what has not escaped my attention is the fact that every time a situation arises these two work it out beautifully together. 😉