Posts Tagged being present in the moment

The Euphoric Reset Button (G-uno)

The curtains were softly blowing open it was just enough for me to smell the blooming night flower. I’m not sure what was more intoxicating the view of Athens lit up at night, or the sound of my family’s laughter coming from the next room. After being away for so many years it was euphoric to be surrounded by them. It was like a dream I never wanted to wake up from, I was home surrounded by love. I had the feeling that all the years between now, and my last time home had evaporated.
I felt the kind of comfort I imagine an infant feels wrapped in the loving arms of their mother. I had not felt that kind of peace in a very long time. The last decade of our lives had been filled with death, depression, and sprinkles of happiness in between. It had taken a huge toll on all of us in ways I don’t think we could even comprehend. I stood in the doorway watching Mr. G-uno, our children, and our Greek family laughing. In that moment I could feel joy literally swelling inside myself.
There is no feeling in the world like being surrounded by unconditional love. I knew in the back of my mind that this time to be together would be very short, but I was able to dismiss that dark thought. Instead I fell hopelessly into love, and laughter that filled the room. It was like hitting a reset button. Like shedding an old body that had been way to heavy for way too long. I watched Mr. G-uno come back to life right before my very eyes. I saw our children fall right back into a bond they were to young to remember existed.
As we grow older there are certain aspects of ourselves that we want our children to experience. The kind of things that no amount of words, no matter how eloquent they are can relay. As a mother it was a chance for my children to see me as I am as a person. A chance to understand who I am when I’m not consumed with managing life. I think I’m a little shocked by how much that meant to me. My wish is that everyone out there will have this kind of euphoria many times in your life. 😉

 

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Walking The Tight Rope

Having a front row seat to your friend’s 30+ year marriage falling apart before your very eyes has been absolutely brutal to say the least. All of us have been existing in the “Twilight Zone” since our very close friend’s hubby dropped the bomb that he was moving out right before Thanksgiving. My emotions have been all over the place. Watching someone you love go through something so hurtful can really put your problems into proper perspective.
Finding a balance between supporting your friend, while maintaining your own life is a bit like walking the tight rope, balance is key. I have to tell you that I have not sent a single card, pulled out my menorah, or put up a tree. There isn’t a single indication that we are all smack dab in to the middle of the holiday season. Luckily my family understands my love for my friends. They also know I have a hard time being happy when someone I love is in such an unhappy place.
I struggle with remembering that other parts of my life need my attention as well. Mr. G-uno was raised right! He does not complain when the things I usually do are left undone, or the fact that between being a support for my friend, and working my job have kept me away for long periods of time. I took a look at our humble mess, as well as the calendar,and have come to the conclusion that I need to show some gratitude for all of his support without a single complaint. He has had a pretty tough year himself. He lost his father just 5 short months ago, and is tackling a a pretty major health issue himself.
So today I turned off my phone, my computer , and plugged fully into our life. We took the day off from saving the world to remember that our lives needed some attention. We slept in, and as I awoke I watched him as he slept. I thought about how no one is exempt from the possibility of having their lives turned completely upside down. Then I rolled over, and made love to my husband like there would not be a tomorrow.
The house remains undecorated. I have not shopped for a single gift, or filled out a single card. I did not clean up our home. Today I watched movies, drank coffee, cooked for my guys, and spent most of the day next to Mr. G-uno’s side. I am actually blogging beside him as he sleeps which brings me right back to the same moment when I awoke this morning. Today I managed to walk perfectly across that “Tight Rope.” 😉

 

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Extraordinary Moments In Time (G-uno)

Since the moment I stepped out of the quicksand I have viewed the circumstances in my life through a different kind of lens. I’m wide awake now so every moment seems brighter, more focused. Some people would describe this state of being as being mindful, or perhaps living more presently in the moment. regardless of the description, I no longer see my world in the same way. I see things that have probably always been present, but they are now somehow more enhanced. I find myself being able to focus one whatever I may be experiencing without my mind racing in a hundred other directions

This morning I was with my 80 year-old client “Ellie May Clampet” who has Alzheimer’s. She is the final stages of this disease that has literally stolen her personal identity. On most days she lives in a constant state of fear, unable to recognize her family, her friends, or even vocabulary that most toddlers are able to grasp. Our morning started as it usually does with extreme confusion, fear, and me using every possible skill I have to reassure her that she is safe.

If you’ve seen the movie “Fifty First Dates” starring Adam Sandler, and Drew Barrymore then you will have an exact idea of what our mornings are like. In the movie Drew’s character goes to sleep every night, and when she wakes up she has absolutely no recall of most of the events of the previous day. Each day I have to reestablish our bond by slowly showing her that I am someone she trusts. On most days I consider just getting “Ellie May” to accept this concept in order to accomplish the most essential tasks a success.

This morning seemed to be just like every other morning, and then something amazing happened! “Ellie May” stepped out of her quicksand. It was like she had suddenly awoken, she was herself without the Alzheimer’s. She was warm, funny, and completely engaging. I spent the next hour a half listening to her chatting away about her life at the point before it had been cruelly taken away. I ended up staying almost two hours past our scheduled time together. The truth is if my next client had not been waiting for me I would have stayed even longer. I kissed “Ellie May” on her cheek explaining that I had to go to work. I thanked her for a wonderful visit.

She smiled, and took my hand sensing my apprehension over having to leave her. Then she looked me straight in the eyes, and said “It’s okay we will do this again.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew she was awake, and that just like myself, for that moment in time she was seeing the world in the same way I describe seeing my world since my awakening. For reasons I can not explain the Universe let she, and I connect, both wide awake. Both of us seemingly aware of the amazing gift we were being given. I hope she was right. I hope we will do this again! 😉

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