Posts Tagged “Big Girl Pants”

Details From The Big Date (G-uno)

The Chemistry was there from the moment she walked into the room, and their eyes locked on one another. Over thirty years have passed by, and the truth is that no matter how high you pull up your “big girl pants” some wounds are harder to heal than you might imagine. Her first date nervousness went from excitement to” what the fuck am I doing” before they even pulled out of the driveway. Jane told me that all of a sudden she could feel the heat in her face. She did everything she could to hold back her tears, but without her permission the streaming flow of tears began to pour down her cheeks.
He stopped the car, turned off the engine, and moved over next to her. She was beyond embarrassed, but still the tears flowed. He put his arm around her, and sat there with her until the last tear streamed down her cheek. Jane told me to try to picture her swollen eyes, make-up running down her face, and a nose full of snot. I could feel my heart sink as she continued to describe the scene in her car. I asked her what he was doing while all of this was happening? She began to smile, she told me he just sat there with his arm around her not saying a single word until she finally stopped sobbing. Then he jokingly said ” Wow happy to see me huh?”
Jane just laughed at him. Then they went back into her house. She poured him a drink, then went to the bathroom to clean her face. She came back out, and Tarzan was sitting on her couch looking through a photo album that had been lying on the coffee table. He motioned for her to come, and sit beside him. She began to profusely apologize to him when he shook his head to let her know there was no need to apologize. Then he said ” Can you explain to me what just happened there?” Jane told him that she thought she was ready to date again. She joked that after all Ex-hubby had been dating for almost two years now.
Jane told me that Tarzan just sat there listening to her as she went on endlessly telling him everything that had gone on since the moment her Ex had announced he was moving out. Tarzan smiled (according to Jane in the sexist way ever) then said “So the idea of rubbing me in his cheating cradle robbing face would be an excellent fuck you back gesture.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement of understanding. She nodded, quickly realizing that she was using him as a weapon rather than actually being interested in dating him. She started profusely apologizing again.
Jane told me he held his hand up in a stop, no need to apologize gesture again. Then told her ” I get it Jane. I thought about how satisfying it would be to see his face when he saw us together again. I liked it too.” Then he told her that as great as that would be that he was hoping to be more than her revenge guy. He told her that he couldn’t believe he was still pissed that his best friend moved in on his first love, and married her. Even if he had been an immature cheating bastard. Jane said once again he had delivered this to her while grinning in a way she found overwhelmingly sexy.
She told him that she wasn’t ready to jump back into a serious relationship. He laughed telling her that he got that too. She ended up pulling out leftovers from the “frig”. They sat at her kitchen table talking until one in the morning. Jane said it was like getting to know a stranger with all the comfort of knowing that deep down inside he wasn’t. Of course I asked her if there was at least a good night kiss. She said “No just a warm peck on the cheek.” She looked a little worried for a second, so being the good friend that I am I teased her a bit. I asked her aren’t you a little old to be playing hard to get? 😉

 

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We Get By With A Little Help From Our Friends (G-uno)

It’s safe to come out now! I have managed to shake all of the sand out of my “Big Girl Pants.” When g2 and I decided to start our blog Idioglossia our intent was to create a place where people could anonymously, and truthfully vent their issues without all the constraints of political correctness. I am pleased to say it really works! For those of you who missed yesterday’s post (be glad it wasn’t pretty) I was completely filled with a large dose of I can’t get over myself anger. I will not lie to you, and say that I’m okay with all of the events that lead up to my enraged rant, but I can honestly say that throwing it all out there in my post definitely helped!

I was so beyond angry, then something really great happened. Thank you  momoseita, Blahpolar, and g2 for taking the time to respond to my little rant. It was so great to purge the whole angry mess, but even more helpful to read your perspectives on the whole situation. Between the three of you I managed to calm down, cry a few tears of remorse, and finally burst out into laughter! Leaving me in a much better state of mind over something I can now see was much more about hurt than anger.

I will need more time to deal with my feelings towards the hijacking of the wedding issue, but I can at least see the possibility of being able to deal with all of this from a place of humor. This makes me feel so much better. So as the wise song once said “We Get By With A Little Help From Our Friends.” 😉

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Don’t You Hate It When the Elastic On Your Big Girl Pants Gets Stretched Out? (G-uno)

Yep, the elastic in my “big girl pants” was over stretched leaving my naked behind exposed in ways I rather not be seen. I am a fan of being naked, free of all constraints that bind the body in unnatural ways. I am even more of a fan of my two favorite organs being naked (so to speak), metaphorically speaking is probably the better wording. Don’t be naughty out there it’s still too early, my second cup of coffee is still in the pot. I’m talking about my other two favorite organs my brain, and my heart.

When my brain, and my heart are allowed to flow in their naked state free of all the unnatural constraints that bind them, I am able to reach intense levels of bliss. It’s the state of being I wake up every morning in search of, even though I know that most days that’s an impossibly tall order. I’m the kind of person who has come to terms with the fact that each day comes with it’s own unique challenges, I just like the idea of beating the odds. In most circumstances I am able to accept the days when the universe is flying it’s giant “No nakey for you today banner!” If I see that banner I usually reach down, and pull up my proverbial “big girl pants.”

Then there are those days when I happen to stumble upon the “big girl pants” with the stretched out elastic. They are the kind of days when I desperately want my two favorite organs to be naked. Those are the days when I am not so much in search of  intense bliss, but I find that life’s constraints seem to be binding my natural flow in a way that has the potential to stop my flow all together. This lack of flow seems to be strongly correlated to my inability to keep my naked behind from being exposed in ways I’d rather not be seen.

I woke up today, and saw the “No nakey for you banner!” Feverishly waving back and forth like a banner in the midst of hurricane-like winds. I have decided to defiantly respond to that constraining banner by refusing to admit that the elastic in my “big girl pants” is weary, and stretched. I will wear my “big girl pants” in what the younger crowd refers to as a “gangsta” like fashion. A fashion I have never quite understood. Perhaps on some level it’s a passive great act of defiance,or some form of escaping another kind of binding constraint.

I can only tell you that today it is absolutely my way of letting the “Universe” know that I may not have the energy to try to beat the odds in the search for intense bliss, but I fully intend to take a crack at some form of being “Nakey.” 😉

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Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs… (G-uno)

I have the kind of relationship with the Universe that is most assuredly guided by signs! I will be the first to admit that I can be a little dense particularly when I am preoccupied with a little self adjustment, most recently pulling up my “Big Girl Pants,” a task I find to be almost as daunting as trying on Spanx for the first time. For those of you who have never experienced the trying on of “said Spanx” it’s an exercise that requires stuffing your rather fluffy, but not yet F.U.P.A. status self into an elastic garment that is so tight you risk putting out an eye should” said garment” snap during your struggle to fit inside it! If you don’t die of cardiac complications involved with the struggle, you can actually see a remarkable difference as the tortuous garment does hide a multitude of body flaws. Unfortunately I don’t posses enough vanity/attention span to commit to the possibility of looking better than I actually do.

In the case that your attention span happens to be like mine I should redirect my subject back to the original purpose of this post, which was to discuss the concept that the universe sends signs out to some of us as a way of keeping us on track as we make our way through this journey we call life. Signs come to us in a variety of ways. Sometimes another person will say something that ends up being so profoundly related to a situation you may be experiencing that you immediately recognize the message was sent for your benefit. For example In the middle of  a tyrant over my dying loved one I felt as though had encountered a masterful web of emotional manipulation. Then another Blogger posted a brilliant suggestion saying that when you encounter an emotional manipulator you should immediately disengage. The post was not written for me specifically, but it had remarkably provided me with some much-needed insight.

Another example also came from another blogger who expressed empathy for my anger (the word I had used to describe my feelings), and added the word sorrow. I instantly realized I was so focused on my anger that I hadn’t even considered that my great sorrow was equally responsible for my fueling my anger. A self-inflicted wound that I needed to address. I see both examples as signs provided by the Universe to prompt me to think about my situations from other perspectives. Perspectives that allowed me to make better decisions regarding my situation.

Last Friday I was knee-deep in plaster and dust due to the ongoing construction in our home.  My computer died, and I was unable to post until this very moment. I took this as a sign that I needed to be more attentive to the details of the construction. As it turned out I caught a couple of mistakes that would have cost us a great deal of money to correct after the fact. I know that there is also the possibility that what I view to be signs from the Universe may be nothing more than day-to-day occurrences, and yet somehow I can’t shake the feeling that by acknowledging that concept I may be tempting the Universe to drop a few more signs in my direction. 😉

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In-laws or Out-laws? Part-2 (G-uno)

“He who angers you controls you” okay there may be some validity to this, but a more accurate statement is who you choose to make your end of life decisions is who controls you! I wish I could tell you that I am no longer angry about my loved ones situation. The truth is I am  still extremely pissed. I’m torn between how my loved one’s life is being decided by those who may not be best suited to make the most logical of decisions, and my inability to lessen my husbands excruciating heartbreak over the entire situation. Not to mention my shameful longing to smack the living daylights out of those who have been completely emotionally manipulative to ensure they receive what I refer to as “The Gold Star.”

“The Gold Star” is the proverbial carrot on the stick for those individuals in life who never learned how to self validate, or even worse secretly hate themselves. These are the poor individuals who calculate how they can achieve all hidden inner agendas while ensuring that the rest of us believe it is truly for the benefit of someone other than themselves. They will defend this false honor to the death to ensure the illusion, and they will actively seek to destruct the credibility of those who offer any opposition to their agenda. I even think that they lie in such a masterful way that they start to believe their own lies to be the truth. Yet I can not let go of the thought that if you truly believe what you’re doing is right why do you make your decisions in such a deceptively covert way.

Well screw that, do not “pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” My stepmother-in-law, and stepsister-in-law may legally have the right to make all the decisions regarding our loved one, but I will not allow them the “Gold Star” approval they seek from he rest of this very large family circle. I will not participate in the false illusion that our opinions actually have any value in their decision-making. I will let them know that they can no longer hide under the umbrella that we have all been in agreement, and that since they feel so righteous about the decisions they have solely made then they will solely take responsibility for them.

When it was time to make the decision regarding to have a do not resuscitate order (D.N.R.) my stepmother-in-law accidently in a moment of frustration let it slip that the decision had already been made! My step-sister-in-law almost swallowed her face when she saw that I heard what my stepmother-in-law had said. This moment still haunts me because at that time I felt like acknowledging that false illusion would be to the detriment of everyone at that particular time, but that was a huge mistake on my part! The only redeeming factor of my mistake is that I did tell my husband, and our children immediately about what was said. We decided not to make this an issue because our loved one had told us prior to all of this that was his wishes should he end up in a certain circumstance.

MY MISTAKE was not openly addressing that pretending to include us in the decision was deceitful, and manipulative! They should have been immediately held accountable for the lie! We should have told her that as his wife it is ultimately her decision, (we know this), this is something we could have accepted respectfully even if we did not necessarily agree. It’s the false illusions, manipulation, and motivation for the deceit that makes the entire situation even more horrible than it already is!

I am also aware that my deep anger is not respectful to my dying loved one. My husband, and our children have made the decision to put him first. We know he is leaving us, and no amount of anger is going to change that fact. I’m not good at faking my emotions, but I am going to pull up my “big girl pants” and make myself accountable by remembering that right now is not about me. I will put my focus back onto my love one where it rightfully belongs. 😉

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