New Year’s Eve Is Just Not Enough To Erase 2020 (G-uno)

If you’re looking for sunshine, and rainbows don’t waste a single second reading this post. You should also go away if you’re searching for some bull crap platitude about starting the new year with some magical clean slate. I spent the entire year trying to do my best to be positive, introspective, and forgiving. What did I learn from this little experiment in enlightenment? I learned that “When people show you who they are you should believe them.”

This writer is not looking for any sympathy, or any sappy commentary regarding my piss poor attitude so with the greatest respect just go to another blog. I can assure you that the next few posts will be filled with some pretty dark, sarcastic angry diatribes. Now that you’ve been given appropriate time to escape lets begin with crappy siblings.

I will admit that I broke a promise in 2016 that started this whole crazy mess. My sibling went on vacation, and I was asked not to clean up their home. I promised I would not do it, but I broke my promise, and spotlessly cleaned their entire home from top to bottom. I had some very great intentions, and some seriously legitimate concerns behind this broken promise. This however does not excuse the fact that I was wrong. I have potty trained this sibling. I realize that sometimes I overstep from the sibling role into the parental role. We come from a particularly complicated childhood. I am the oldest child. The fixer slash protector.

You should also know that I love my sibling deeply. I have been there for them in an above average way their entire life so admittedly I’m pissed that they are happy to enjoy my crossing of sibling boundaries when it suited them. I’m also extremely pissed that they pretended to accept my sincere regret for breaking my promise, while continuing to seethe privately until the point of exploding in the most vulgar outburst which was followed by the most passive aggressive retaliation seen since the demise of our parent.

My sibling, and I have always been extremely close. A relationship so close that it would have been completely unthinkable to anyone that we are now so estranged.

Tarzan Is Leaving The Jungle (G-uno)

Even though I cannot deny that the whole secrecy thing struck me as a huge red flag, another part of me felt like people make mistakes. We all have a tendency to hide the things from our past that we may feel a sense of shame over. I’m not a human doormat, but I’m big on figuring out why someone would hide something before deciding not to give them a second chance. Jane says that’s a dangerous way to live.

She may be right. I think I feel this way because I cherish the idea that we can all be forgiven for making mistakes. My line in the sand is when we have explored what, and why something happened I make it clear that if the violation occurs again that it’s no longer a mistake, but a conscious choice. That is the point where I walk away. I’m not sure everyone who begins a relationship discusses their boundaries. For a lot of people it’s a journey that slowly reveals boundaries they may not have even known they had.

Jane feels like she clearly stated her boundary limits right from the start, and that Tarzan poorly chose to take a chance by crossing that line. I cannot argue that logic. I think I’m just really sad for them both. The girls, and I discussed the fact that he did not commit an infidelity. Jane’s response was that even though he had not cheated he broke an equally powerful trust agreement between them. 😉

Can Marriages Survive Infidelity? (G-uno)

Infidelity is a deal breaker in my marriage. That’s just me though. I personally only know one other couple who have managed to survived after one spouse cheated. She happens to be a very close friend in our little circle. After the whole confronting the other woman scene our little group circled around our friend for some support. That’s when the big question came up, and out of the five of us one couple has survived an affair. My stripper pole friend feels that she will never be able to salvage her marriage.

She feels like I do about the whole thing. I know I would eventually forgive, but I could never forget. I have a long memory, and loyalty is a huge thing for me. I would always be looking for the signs I somehow missed, there would be accusations, and never ending doubt. All of that would cripple me emotionally, and I don’t ever want to try to live that way.

Our surviving friend says that she started out feeling that way, but after four years she feels her marriage is stronger, even better than before. She feels like she is able to be more honest with her husband now because she no longer worries about the horrible feeling of what if he does this again. I can only speculate, but I’m pretty certain that would be the one thing I would never be able to stop worrying about. She say’s that once you’ve it rock bottom there’s no place to go, but up.

Our other friend agreed saying that after decades of being married she couldn’t  imagine walking away without trying. So I’m wondering how other people feel about this subject. Can Marriages survive infidelity?