Tag: diabetes

i’m completely normal, stfu… i have proof (g2)

So with all the goings on, I did have my last bit of blood work to find out how my bizarre dieting and other bullshit had played out. I still don’t know on the weight front, they did mention I dropped quite a bit, but I can feel it coming back right now as my stress has increased and I’m desperately trying to get that under control.

I know for a vast majority you probably don’t give a shit, but I did want to at least round out my constant ranting about diet, weight and diabetes with this update at least.

This time last year, I’d been on diabetes meds for just a couple months and my A1C was 8.5 in December 2015. Normal is 6.7 and below.

This last checkup in December of this past year, I was sent my results, with which they sent the ones prior to that because confusing the shit out of me is apparently how they get their rocks off, but once I got the charts figured out, my A1C was….



I’m fucking normal.

No seriously, I’ll scan you a copy, there is finally something with my name on it that says I’m fucking normal.

So yeah, was terrified they might take me off the medication just because of the results, but they called in a renewal instead. So for now, just focusing on the stress, and not stabbing a bitch, and working on the next thing, moving without pain. Woot!

kicking diabetes ass: week…. huh, google says I finished 8 weeks 2 days ago (g2)

So apparently, my 8 weeks is up.

My diet buddy immediately wanted to schedule a celebratory outing at our favorite burger joint. I think diet buddy is trying to make this translate into places of temptation. I’ve already been doing this, but apparently they feared trying it. I wanted to ease back into the real world without going nuts in it.

Personally, I would have preferred a giant boat of fucking sashimi. I haven’t had sushi at all in this time and I miss it. Sashimi is a perfectly acceptable alternative. Sure a flash fried roll of some sort would be awesome, but I’m not there yet.

I mentioned that my eight weeks ended to Spawn when I got home and they just said “huh, well kind of too late to change now after all this effort.”

What a great answer.

I do plan on hitting a wing and ale place at some point, I don’t like potatoes but I like raw fries (floppy, thank you, with loads of malt vinegar) – don’t ask, and although I inhale my food when I eat, I’m eating less overall.

In all, it wasn’t as stellar as I thought it was going to be. There was no nipple scars from chest tape going across the finish line, no cheering, no passing out in the pavement and thanking everything to have to made it. I think my main thought was “huh, that got here faster than I thought it would.”

I’m still not where I want to be weight-wise, of course, this was a tiny amount of time. Yes, my pants are looser, my shirts fit better, the water weight in my legs is finally starting to fuck off and is mostly gone, I’m sleeping better, I’m moving better and with less (not none yet) pain. But I’ve a 6 year jagged track to reverse and I intend to do that in a lot less time.

So although yes, I won’t adamantly abstain from everything now, but this is where the cycling has to begin, My body freaks out when I don’t go by a routine. I was off to a good start because I was doing extreme things it couldn’t predict and plan for. I will have use that information in order to make sure my body stays in a constant state of WTF?! until I’m back to a state I want to be in: High one day, extreme low the next 3, week of normal, two weeks of low cal/carb, etc.

It’s all ok…. because I still have cheese ;p

kicking diabetes ass: week 7 ish?…ok, so low carb pizza totally kicked ass (g2)

Spawn and I have been craving pizza like mad. Pizza in and of itself and the toppings I like on them, NONE of them are bad. It’s that mutha effin’ crust that kicks a diabetic’s ass.

I found one recipe on dietdoctor.com for a pizza with a crust made from cheese and egg.


This doesn’t even remotely sound appetizing to me so I held off and kept searching.

Then I found this one:


The Older Brother’s Oldest Son’s Faux Carb Pizza

I’d never heard of the Fathead movie. I did watch the movie Supersize Me that it was made to openly mock though. Of course, what I got from the latter was:

  • McDonald’s had unhealthy food (no shit, sherlock)
  • His girlfriend is all about vegan
  • Diet can make a huge impact

I completely agree with the first and last and don’t give a shit about the middle one. It got a lot of backlash because he didn’t post a log of what he ate, didn’t use some scientific method, was full a shit on the whole panic part where his doc and gf begged him to stop… hell, I don’t know. I got the vibe it was meant to shock and create a frenzy of fear in America’s overall health, but I tend to not really get sucked in easily and I tend to agree that diet makes a huge impact.

I just tend to lean to the side that low carb (what Fathead trumpets) is the better impact, for me. If gluten-free, vegan is your jam, then that makes an impact for you. Johns Hopkins and their high fat diet that treats epilepsy… awesome. Anytime someone takes a leap to change what they already consume to treat the bad things they feel, I tend to think that is a smart move even if its not completely successful. But there is never one answer to everything or everyone.

All I knew is my ass wanted pizza. So we made this and topped it with bacon, chicken sausage, portabello, and although I wanted to put spinach on it, we didn’t have any.

I had to use a little more almond flour than listed to get a doughy enough feel to start spreading it. Spreading also ended up being more of an oiled hand quickly patting it into a pizza like shape as I didn’t have the paper. I didn’t have to poke any more holes in it after 8 minutes and I wasn’t able to hold it to eat it. I will probably play with another egg and a bit more flour or more cheese. I dusted it with sea salt and garlic, fresh oregano, basil and Spawn tossed some rosemary on it for fun.

It fucking rawked, taste-wise. Even with a fork, it felt, smelled and soothed our soul like pizza.

kicking diabetes ass: week… um, 6? … some updates (g2)

ok, I realized I got into stuff that was going on but not a lot about what I ate so I’ll kind of go over that a bit too. I didn’t realize some of you guys were getting anything out of this,  I kind of felt like I was just ranting about the flows and ebbs going on. But COOL, if you get something out of it…. even that a slacker like me can do it, so you CERTAINLY can, that’s awesome.

When we picked blueberries, yes I ate some. At most, a dozen. The crop was a bit tart this year. Usually, I eat so much I poop purple. They are mid-range in the carb friendly scale.

Spawn has been AWESOME about learning low carb, and I’ve even discovered a pizza recipe I plan to try when I can devour half the damn thing. I’ll share it if it ends up worth it (why waste your time otherwise, right?). I think I might be able to convert G-uno to my darkside on this one… seriously, fucking cream cheese in the crust? Oh hellya.

Spawn has usually used meat+veg as their go-to for dinner (though they still hesitate to think of meat as low carb sometimes), only occasionally attempting to assemble a salad with mucho questions and input from my end while they do it. However, they make me small portions and sometimes supplement with another shake if they don’t feel it was enough.

The 4th soiree at the Yankee’s? I ate the hell out of some food, man. This is the same person who digs at me about never eating or never leaving for lunch. I had a small steak, a burger with cheese on it only (no bread, no toppings), 4 whole tortilla chips and a mutha load of watermelon salsa (I’m addicted to new things and this was really new to me AND watermelon was oddly enough on the low carb list of fruits… weird I know), or better known as probably .75 to 1 full cup of salsa. I had some of my own onion dip, but I brought baby carrots (ate 5) and celery (ate half a damn bunch) so I had things to dip with. I did not eat at all before we got there, other than water.

I had one sugar-free daiquiri (and was soundly mocked for drinking a girly-looking pink drink) with about half a cup of muscato added to it. I have no damn clue what the hell was in that last one, I just promised to pay penance for it later. I was so full, I was in pain and this was over 4+ hours. Of course, I ate nothing the rest of the day.

Generally, I stick with crepes when I go for breakfast choices, since they have less egg and they are less filling than most omelets. The exception being Kim and her little cafe. Her omelets are very light and just perfectly filling, with one piece of rye toast. Kim is a very, very health-minded cook, but you’d never know it just from the taste. She scoffs at store bought salad dressings, for example, and makes everything herself. Even the rice she uses is a lower GI, diabetic-friendly kind (no, I haven’t tried it, its still too many carbs).

I have days where I get super hungry, so I eat. I have experimented with old places I like to go and see how I can finagle in a way I can eat it, but for good. My favorite burger joint is more than happy to nix the bread and add a salad. That’s cool. They don’t even drown it in dressing (on the side) since I always leave most of it behind.

I’m mostly surprised how much I am not craving sugar. I used to HAVE TO HAVE chocolate after dinner. It never had to be much, but I had to have it. I suppose the protein shakes abate the sweet cravings since they too are sweet, but its not the same… I’m not missing it. I miss mac and potatoes, but I found that a tiny bite of Spawn’s is enough to give me the mental happy high without the physical repercussions. I’m cool with that too.

The only problem I’m still having issues with is what the hell can I use in my coffee aside from sugar. Splenda has been my go to, but I hate it.

  • honey? kind of misses the point.
  • Stevia? I will punch someone in the throat if I have to taste that shit again.
  • xylitol? isn’t that the shit in gum?

Has anyone found a sugar alternative that actually doesn’t taste like shit and can be enjoyed without gagging in a hot beverage?

I did finally have to confess to work, though I said basically it was a low-carb experiment to bring down my A1C. I did NOT tell anyone I was eating super low calorie as well. Again, didn’t want to hear any shit from the all knowing VP.

My diet buddy is about to break the 200 mark, their main goal. Their sugar has not responded as well as mine has, but they have been kicking ass on putting in more activity in their routine and knocking off the weight.

They got kind of frustrated with me, because their goal was 15% of their body weight.

friend: “What’s your goal?”

me:”to kick diabetes’ ass.”

friend:”by doing what?”

me:”eating low to no carb and low cal for 8 weeks, with a steady but slow increase, then low cal cycling until my A1C gets and stays normal and I feel better.”

friend:”you don’t have a pound goal?”

me:”I don’t want my stomach to touch the steering wheel? I dunno, I haven’t weighed myself since the doc did it.”

friend:”… but what do you want to be able to do after this is moving to a more normal intake?”

me:”keep up with three nutso kids while they go trick ‘or’ treating… this time, on foot.”

friend:”I guess that’s a goal.”

me:”I’ll know I’m back to normal then, or at least getting there.”


As I said, I was really super focused on numbers a long time ago when new parenthood created someone in the mirror I didn’t recognize. It is enough to make one  crazy because bodies don’t work by logic. You can’t figure out the calories burned, and math out to .00001% how much you ate in calories a day and have that always create a certain amount of loss. I had a fucking spreadsheet man, I was serious!

Too much paprika may make YOU swell, while everyone else on the damn planet pisses like a racehorse when they eat it. Too much olive oil may give YOU the shits and generally make you feel bad. Everyone is different. Apparently, I’m fine with skim milk or raw milk, but anything in between is not ok. Most other dairy products are fine with me. But as a diabetic, if its low-fat… its high in sugar and I need to stay away from it.

The one thing I wasn’t paying attention to was how I was feeling. Maybe if I had, I might have noticed something was wrong before it become a nightmare of a half dozen years.

kicking diabetes ass: week…5…6? fuggit I have it marked on a calendar (g2)

Yes, I’m still doing the food insanity, somewhere around week 4 and a half it’d become such a habit I forgot to log my food. By the time I realized I hadn’t done it, it’d been almost a week.

I’m an organized soul, let me unclutter your life. (don’t, really… you’ll never forgive me.)

In the first 3 weeks, I dropped about 20 pounds and six inches out of my midsection, but I kept forgetting to check after that. Apparently, nothing else has moved from my midsection another 5? 6? weeks later, but I’ve noticed other stuff or I’d be insanely depressed. My last check had be averaging about 727 calories/day.

In the past couple weeks, I have been able to navigate stores without the assistance of a cart. For me this has been big. The pain started first and the weight followed, one exacerbating the other. It was three years before diabetes showed up. Walking around a store was hell and not just because I detest shopping. If you’ve ever seen the first steps of the TinMan after Dorothy gave him an oiling (that’s what he said) or someone trying to move their body in spite of paralysis, this is roughly how I managed to get around. No amount of pain pills could touch it.

I decided we were going to get up at buttass’o’ clock one Saturday and pick blueberries. We were out there until we filled 2 buckets, which took Spawn and I a little over an hour. It was disgustingly hot even at 7am, but we survived and physically, I was fine. I haven’t been fine in years.

Spawn asked their best friend if they wanted to join us, which they did but they had their six year old cousin visiting so they had to join us as well.

We already had plans to hit our favorite Saturday breakfast spot when we were done (they have about six or more omelets I can totally eat and still stay within range).

Pain In The Ass aka the 6 year old, only likes waffles. Plain waffles.

Our favorite spot only has french toast.

I got to hear about two hours worth of shit PITA doesn’t like, but also has never tried.

I know in my logical brain Spawn also went through this phase, but this child has never heard the word “no.” Ever.

Spawn’s BFF exemplified a patience I’ve only seen in the most kindest of souls. I kind of felt sorry that they had to play parent to just a PITA…but then, they could have left it at home too.

PITA and I butted heads only twice. The first happened when they had picked blueberries for about fifteen minutes and determined themselves bored and demanding we leave. My response was they were told beforehand that I wanted two buckets for us before we left, and if they were done they could either help make that go faster or find something to enjoy about the place until we were done.

The second, PITA dozed off on the way to breakfast choice number two (we checked the menu to make sure plain waffles were on it). When we got there Spawn’s BFF couldn’t get it out of the car. I poked my head in on the other side and said “You knew were coming here, so get out of my car please.” It did.

Spawn asked if I yelled at them, I told them I didn’t have to, I’m terrifying enough without volume.

In spite of it all, I still had a pretty lovely but insanely hot day with three kids, a good breakfast (spinach crepe with chicken) which I forgot included potatoes pancakes. Thankfully, they were small, and I managed to mangle them a bit and eat about 2 tiny bites so I could call them touched without being devoured, while small enough I didn’t feel bad about leaving it.

The blueberries though were a bit on the small side. I’m sure part of it was the season started earlier this year and I didn’t realize it until later, combined with the need to hurry so I didn’t hear “I’m bored, when are we leaving?” before I throttled someone’s kid and buried it under one of the bushes.

But fuck yeah, I picked mah own muthafuckin blueberries, bitches!

kicking diabetes ass: week 3, day 4… feed me, seymour! (g2)

Damn, forgot to publish this when I wrote it…. my bad.

I’m guessing this is the point where my body is going “What the holy fuck are you doing?!?! I just got this body to a good point to be self-sufficient for at least 7.47 fucking catastrophes. You will fucking eat now!”

In other words, I spent a lot of time being hungry. Hungry is new for me during this little journey through insanity. It started off me eating below 500 and having to remember to eat a bit more, to then forgiving fluxes between 500-800 since it was still the goal range. To now, where I’ve touched 1k once or twice and could have still gone for a steak… or three.

Ironically as I try to lean into protein to stabilize the hunger pang more, my carbs have been occasionally dropping in half. This looks really weird when your calories are higher than you want, but your carbs are almost nonexistent. It was easier to do than I ever believed possible. Really, I would have fought you like hell and said there was no way to have 18 carbs a day, but I did just that.

It’s also been a really interesting exploration in applying new ideas to old concepts. I found that half a sliced avocado with salsa and diced ham is friggin epic and kicks a hunger pangs ass.

I love grilled cheese and tomato soup. I found a soup that worked well carbwise, a huge gourmet chunk of aged sharp bacon cheddar and found a recipe for eggplant “dude food” style. I know only one way I can make eggplant… fried. I love it at Japanese restaurants but have no clue how to do it, and the idea of cooking it to mush makes me gag. This was perfect.

I’ve been finally feeling a wee bit lighter, but I won’t be taking any kind of measurements until the weekend and only then in inches in my midsection. I didn’t want to get hung up on numbers, but I know, aside from diabetes, abdominal fat will kill me.

My legs still ache, though not as much, and I’m still retaining a ton of fluid on my legs. I wonder sometimes how many pounds of liquid a diabetic body holds and why in hell it just seems to be a balloon about to pop. Gran always looked like their skin in places was stretched to its max, but it all felt like fluid, like you could pop a tap into it and it would just pour out.

On the other hand, I caught myself sitting with my foot tucked up under my leg more than once, a position I’ve been unable to sit in for at least 4 years.

kicking diabetes ass: week 2, day 6… as long as you feel ok, keep doing what you’re doing (g2)

My doctor’s visit was yesterday and that’s what they said after I got done with my long diatribe.

Spawn got their vaccine(s) and was given the final verdict that they were “disgustingly healthy.” We thought they were only getting one shot, but it ended up being 2 shots and a fingerstick hemoglobin test. I’m sure because my iron is still low, I’m also at fault for that one. My kid ended up with two Daffy Duck and one Tasmanian Devil band-aids, so overall I think it was a win.

My bloodwork in March determined that my A1C was down to 6.3 from 7.3 in January. I brought it down a full point in 3 months and this is before the insanity diet started.

I also dropped 20 lbs since I came in last. That was more reassuring than I thought it would be. Sure, you always hope for more no matter what amount, but when you have a ton to lose, you don’t see it until its a massive amount. It kind of felt like justification that what I was doing was a good idea.

The only measurement I’ve done at home, and only after I’d been doing this for a week, was measuring my midsection. That too has lost 4 inches in a week.

I was excited by this and felt the need share the good news with diet buddy. I don’t think they took it too well though. I have a feeling I might have to stage an intervention at some point so they don’t get disappointed and start using more excuses to end it. Their kids are going overseas for a few weeks this summer, so their excuses will be gone too.

With that said, I, like the planner I’m not, forgot to print out all the crap I was going to bring in hand for my doctor to review. I had to give the reader’s digest super-condensed version of what I read, what the study’s goals were and what I was trying to emulate. I at least had my app out and let my doc peruse the information I did have logged and how I was tracking my nutrition as well.

My doctor countered with starvation mode and the vices of that. I countered that I was only intending on doing this for 8 weeks, not forever and would be gradually increasing to a more reasonable level after. The goal being to shock the system into burning its own fat, especially in the pancreas. I told them about my carb goals, and how that had been working out. I told them I had cake on my birthday, so I added an extra day. They said “you can have cake on your birthday.”

They asked questions about how I’d been feeling, if I’d added any exercise and how my digestive system had been doing. I told my doc fine, no and actually pretty good. I said I had only had issues when I hadn’t had enough water, and I got a headache once from not enough salt, but otherwise I’d been feeling pretty good.

I also said that regardless of how well I did on this, I still wanted surgery if I ever got the option because I simply didn’t want to deal with this ever again. Doc said they’d write the referral as soon as I had the coverage.

Sometimes it just nice to know 1, you’re doing ok, and 2. you got someone in your corner.

kicking diabetes ass: week 2, day 4: smugness gone and damn, I’m hungry (g2)

I enjoyed my moment of smugness, it only takes a mirror or a visit to a scale to slap my ass back to reality though so I revel in it when I can.

I have my doctor’s appointment soon, so I have to remember to print out everything I’ve been eating so I can either get chastised or commended depending on how they feel about things.

Last night was probably one of the single most annoying days I’ve had yet. I was ravenous. I wanted anything and everything. A co-worker brought in lemon ricotta cookies, and I made the massive mistake of having one. I’m drawn to new things, food being only one subject that this applies to. It’s like it triggered a starvation response.

I wanted meat, copious amount of it. I ate an entire head of cooked cabbage for dinner and was genuinely sad when there was no more. I had a bite of Spawn’s mac and cheese, just a bite, but I would have happily licked the bowl clean when they were done. I still kept my calories within in check, but my carb exceeded what I wanted.

I don’t know where this is coming from. Perhaps my body is finally going “oh fuck, you’re still not going to eat more than this?!?!” Or maybe the sugar and carb in the cookie set off the diabetic desire for yet more sugar and carbs. Or maybe, its time to add a little meat/egg to see if that helps.

It was frustrating to say the least, but I don’t seem to be having the same issue today. Maybe, regardless of calories, the carb level is the only thing I really need to watch when this is over. Below 50, I don’t have problems, but above it… and I get massive cravings.

It will be something to watch at least.

A nurse at my chiropractor’s said that her joints started feeling better when she eliminated all MSG from her diet and really watched her salt. My sister-in-law made sure her daughter got at least 50g of protein a day because it helped her focus in spite of her ADHD.

Do any of you have to watch certain aspects of what you eat in this way? What happens if you don’t? How did you discover the anomaly?

kicking diabetes ass: week 2, nothing like a moment of smugness on occasion (g2)

Diet buddy gave me a fitbit for my birthday. A device I really care little about, but the fact it tracks sleeping was kind of interesting. They also got me a blood sugar testing kit. I understand when I tell my diet buddy “I’m feeling fine though” it sounds like the same cop out grand used to give me. However, I know what the lows feel like very well, and I’ve been recently introduced to the highs, so I get that too.

I’d not taken my evening dose of my blood sugar medication when they gave it to me. I’d also had ice cream and cake about a half hour before. So I took my sugar for my friend to see. It was 135. Perfectly normal. Theirs was 238.

Their words: “I hate you.”

I made sure to text them the next morning with: “Fasting sugar was 98, yours?”

Them:”shut up”

My friend and I have been essentially doing the same thing, but emulating it in different ways, I held off on meat at the beginning and avoid it when cooking at home, they have some meat every day. They are also more active in their work than I am so they have eaten more calories a day than I have. Unfortunately, they tend to use lateness and rushing as a reason to hit the value menu at McDonald’s a few times too often, like 2-3 times a week lately. I’ve started given them lists of things that are ok to eat, other than the big mac I keep seeing hit their log.

I get that diet buddy feels the need to provide at least one meal for their kids (they do their own in the AM and school provides lunch), but my perspective is that since one is even in high school, they can start providing the evening meal since their parental works long hours, like Spawn does now. There’s no excuse for calling McD’s a “meal.” There’s also no time like the present to teach your genetically tied offspring how to eat so they don’t get diabetes.

Wow, I sound like an elitist.

However, I don’t think my buddy realizes that garbage accumulates. So their numbers are never going to get in control if they keep using excuses to keep the garbage flowing in. You can get something fairly healthy at McDonald’s, but you have to look it up and of course, its ALWAYS going to be better to cook.

I try to research any place I’m going to find something I can have before I go, Spawn is even starting to get good at it and will look it up on my phone while we head to wherever. My breaded chicken salad debacle was due to no research and a drugged kid to contend with, so I attempted instinct and it bit me in the ass. Lesson learned, read the fine print.

Another friend’s husband was recently told that he was banned from processed meats, his kidneys are failing and he too has diabetes. He’s not even overweight. I asked diet buddy if they eat this stuff, and if so, stop and see if this helps their sugar. I was told “yes, but very little.” My response is “go for none, if it kills your kidneys, why risk it?”

I’m starting to figure out why diet buddy’s doctor assume they’re lying when their A1C is telling a different story, but I’m starting to get the sense that diet buddy has about a 60% grasp on what healthy really means. Calories matter, sure, but how you’re getting those calories make the lifelong benefits.

This is also the person who has medical access to studies on products that claim they benefit health. I can ask for a recipe for a tincture that would clear an infection of any nature and they could give a list of shit I’ve never heard of. They are trained to know health and improvement of health. So why is the food so hard?

I guess I’m mostly irritated that yes, they are under an incredible amount of stress and I’m sure that exacerbates the problem. But this will kill them if they don’t fix it, and they have two kids to still worry about. I guess the underlying self-soothing part of yourself tries to tell yourself you deserve the big mac for all the effort you put forth, but don’t you deserve a 93% lean beef homemade burger with a thin slice of aged sharp cheddar and a pumpernickel bun a little more? If you’re going to be “bad” be the best bad you can, you know?

My final tally on my birthday when I added everything up ironically was about 1300. It’s lower than it estimates I burn no matter what calc I use, so win there. Also, my carb total was still in 50’s range. Another win. So in more than one way, I enjoyed my day of rebelliousness. It let me know I will be fine when I’m no longer constraining.

kicking diabetes ass: week 1, day 5 – why is food making me overheat? (g2)

OK, my kid has had kind of a hellacious week. What started as a conversation about putting on braces, turned into putting on the braces the same day and the very next having surgery to redirect an impacted tooth that is going rogue, as well as removing two baby teeth in the way of the rogue tooth. The only thing i could say through the whole thing is:

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

It is too. Ironically, Spawn’s other parental has great teeth, in spite of the copious consumption of drugs and negligent living.

Me however…

37d569b2a202602ebcbb44dffd9d07e8(Apparently, this is Katy Perry?)

Well, I wasn’t quite this bad, but it felt damn close.

Every dentist I see generally oooh’s and aaah’s over the massive amounts of metal and brackets implanted in my jaw even now to fix an overbite when I was teen. I had my mouth wired shut for most of one summer while it healed.

Hopefully Spawn’s gone through the worst they will ever see and I only account for maybe 20% of the genetics that went into their teeth. If I had any more fingers to cross on that, I would.

I was pushing them to get everything done as quickly as possible too. Spawn has a tendency to get a nugget of bad news and, if given time, will dwell on this nugget until its akin to the most life-threatening and painful outcome known to man. By the time they actually do whatever the not-so-great thing is, I have gone though days and days of hell with bitching and fighting while being made to feel like the most awful parent on the face of the earth who is solely to blame for the current travesty. This peaks to a final declaration, when they finally undergo whatever it is: “huh, well that wasn’t so bad.”

There’s more than once when I envisioned ripping their damn head off and going all WWE with a chair on what’s left of their little body. It’s exhausting.

So this time, I steamrolled braces and surgery on my child in a less than 24 hour period, before they had a chance to consider a thing and now is just the recovering part. It was a bit scary, a bit painful, and a lot of soft foods and pain relievers. I’ve just accommodated any desire they have had, especially food-wise. I remember this part, it sucks.

Their dinner tonight was small chicken bites, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and a frosty. Not healthy by a landslide but at least no longer frustrated with being hungry and hurting too much to eat anything more than a yogurt cup like the night before. I talked Spawn down from trying to order fried chicken with the bone in. The logic of the medically doped, I tell you.

With that said, I’ve ended up twice being hungry and having to eat out during that 24 hours, which is almost always a bad thing no matter how hard you try.

I chose what I thought would be the most diabetic friendly on both occasions, one biting me in the ass worse than the other. The first was a grilled chicken spinach salad with strawberries, pecans, tomatoes, blueberries and a bit of onion. Nothing too big, just perfectly filling. It ended up not being so bad (usually I research beforehand, I didn’t get a chance this time).

The next… well, I’ve noticed that caesar salads seem to the most calorie-carb friendly at most of the places I checked, I don’t know why. They aren’t exactly my favorite, but hey… I’m giving this all the effort and dammit I was hungry. I grabbed a chicken caesar and we headed home.

When I got home, I tossed one of the packets of the dressing and the stupid croutons, but damned if the chicken wasn’t breaded. I have avoided this crap this long and the shit was breaded…. grr.

So my calorie intake blew to over 900, and this close to my birthday/cake day. I know I should chalk it up to a life lesson and move on but its still really irritating. Why put freaking fried shit on a salad? It said NOTHING about this when I chose it! Just like the hungry and dieting to declare this a travesty, right?

But after eating, it happened again. Several times now, I’ve had a salad only to feel like the room temperature went up about five to ten degrees, but it only lasts for about an hour. The cheese is different but usually there isn’t any, tomatoes also vary, with meat or without meat. In fact the only common element has been lettuce, but not always the same kind or mixture.

I googled this, which is always a mistake since it tells me I’m dying in several different debilitating ways. Another reason listed, which makes more sense is, diabetes.

But what about diabetes causes a person to feel hot after they eat?

This disease is stupid.

kicking diabetic ass: week 1, day 3; damn, I miss real damn food (g2)

I refuse to explain the inner workings of my brain from the last post. Once I get going on one string of thought, you either join me or run like hell. I’m sure if I’d had a doc pay attention long enough, I’d probably already been diagnosed with something relating to attention a long time ago.

The low-cal thing is still going, I waver from 450-800 calories depending on the day, my mineral intake being too low, or craving for real food. I was at 470 last night when I realized my vitamin range was low so I had another shake to ramp it up.

I’m hating the shakes, or rather I’m bored.

Not the taste, mostly… I’ve figured out the combination to make them healthy and still not taste like vanilla sandy ass or lawn cuttings. Thankfully its on its last dregs, so I can pick a new one soon.

Right now, I guess I’m going through a flavor boredom. The shakes are the same, the veg is cooked the same. It’s my own fault, I was too lazy to make it any more exciting, but still. Spawn usually takes care of meals during the week and telling my kid to make up some variety of veg that tastes great is like handing a recipe for souffle to a three year old.

You’re not going to like the outcome.

Spawn doesn’t like vegetables. Spawn rages against the very idea. However, this past weekend Spawn was paying pretty good attention to when we blew through the store and I was on an exploration for variety and showed them calories, carbs, how to spot net carbs and when something is reasonable and when it isn’t.

My treasure this trip was … fennel.

I have no fucking idea what to do with it, but it was low in the carbs and just seemed interesting. I’ve used fennel seeds in cooking, but the white and green bull testicle-looking things we took home were just so different.

It makes me want soup. Fennel-testicle soup with a parm sprinkle? Nummers, right? Gimme suggestions, folks!

And salad.

I can guess why these two things appeal to me so much since you mix a bunch of stuff together and flavor it. It’s like this constant surprise what flavor will punch you in the face each bite, especially with salads.

Spawn promised to research fennel and find a good way to serve it.

I’m not really excited.

Though, by accident Spawn seems to have a great knack with asparagus, which boggles my mind since their prior track record has me more in the “damn, what a waste of food” mindset. I know very well I can be pleasantly surprised, but I’m a cynic by nature.

Ironically, I’m still not “hungry.” I’ve had no lightheadedness. I was a raging bastard for the first few days, but then it eased off and my mood has been pretty good since. Sure I have moments where I really want a burger, but if the meat and cheese were wrapped in the tomato lettuce blanket, I would love it.

As Spawn was noshing on her cookie last night and I was sucking my second shake of the day, I had a momentary urge just to tackle my kid and lick their cookie, just so I could taste ANYTHING else. Kind of sad.

Yes, there are cookies in my house. Chocolate in a couple types even. Nope, haven’t had any. Wanted some? Sure. But right now, I think I’d take a burger first. Or hell just some fucking cheddar. I’ve been sticking close to hard cheeses when I bother to have any.

I suppose what is really a challenge for me, that we have been systematically avoiding whenever possible lately, is being able to enjoy the same thing together. This is where the social eating comes in. Spawn and I roll out of bed on Saturdays and go down to the old refurbished house turned kitschy cafe about a mile from our house and have an epic breakfast.

I always get the scrambled eggs (they make it with dill), bacon, toast (pumpernickel/rye) and grits (meh) and Spawn always gets french toast with strawberries and cream on the side. Spawn ate some of my eggs, half my toast and I got the berries and whatever leftover cream they didn’t want.

It takes an hour or so to get our food as its just one lady behind the counter named Kim who cooks it, and we usually chat and listen to the Geritol Squad at the next table gossip about people in the area, talk about old times, and past adventures. I get to sip on coffee made just how I like it and just enjoy the scenery. They know what we want and adore Spawn. I miss that. It’s our routine.

I wouldn’t even mind the selection having to be changed, but nothing they serve quite fits into what I’m trying to do. They have fantastic salads too, but they have LOTS of things on it. The math alone would make me cry.


Can fucking July get here already?

kicking diabetic ass: week 1, let’s talk about poop and condiments (g2)

From my last ranting, I was whining how my calories were too low, carbs too high, whine whine whine.

Well, I’m an idiot.

There’s this thing called net carbs. Since fiber is indigestible, you subtract it from your overall carbs. So right before I freaked out one day over being at 71g carbs, it dawned on me when we shopped for Grand in the past, we always measured by the net carbs.

71 carbs -44 fiber = 27 net carbs

I went back to all the other days, and I’m just fine and well within my goal range of, “below 50.”.

I thought my fiber was a little on the low side, but I’d been basing it on eating closer to a normal range, so with that adjusted I was fine.

Though I have to say, the pipes just don’t move like they used to when you eat very little and mostly green leafies. Since it wasn’t making me uncomfortable and I was doing ok on my water intake, I didn’t think much of it.

My body finally got ready to do a house cleaning after a few days.

It took time.

It took a few tries to feel like I was done doing it.

It made me ask “Is this what The Hulk’s poop would look like?”

Once, I found out you can also turn poop purple when you consume copious amounts of blueberries after a particular prosperous journey to a blueberry patch, but this particular shade of green was new to me.

It made me wonder about radiation exposure.

Then it made me wonder if I would get superpowers.

Then I wondered what the hell kind of superpower would radiation poop be.

Then my mind kind of fast-tracked into various methods of “launching” said “ammunition” at bad guys and it just got ugly from there, including the type of pants that would enable fastest engagement of the orifice.

The business lunch also went ok. I ended up at about 700 calories, but I couldn’t figure out how to deduct a slice of bread without it costing me a lot of time I didn’t give a shit about committing to it, so I had some more dressing and left it at that.

Also, I have to wonder. I looked up dressing as I have to manually adjust this. One serving is TWO TABLESPOONS? Isn’t that like 1/8 of a cup? What size of a salad would justify TWO TABLESPOONS? Wouldn’t it be like a bucket-o-salad?

I think of dressing as a better-tasting-than-parsley accent you put on this pile of awesomeness mixed up on plate, not the main attraction.

One of my guilty pleasures is the buffalo chicken salad at Zaxby’s. They give you two packets the size of a hand of salad dressing. They look at me funny when I hand one back. I don’t think a salad needs to be drowned. It needs to be drizzled over like a lover with chocolate sauce…. or some ice cream, whatever works.

Though I’ve always wondered what would happen if you were trying to have sexy time and instead of the normal chocolate sauce or the “sex-approved” chocolate sauce, you grabbed the kind that hardens when it gets cold. Would that be considered sadistic?

huh, I think I’m hungry now.

I feel this way about most condiments actually. I would use mayo to dip fries in if they weren’t good fries and I was starving, but mostly I wouldn’t use anything. I avoid places that put ketchup or mustard on any sandwich by default. I request one packet of mayo when I get a chicken breast sandwich, but I usually find half a pound of variety packets in my bag when I stop to check.

Waiter who just put down my steak plate:”Would like some steak sauce?”

me:”Why, did they cook it bad?”

I guess I’m not much for condiments, despite the copious amounts of them I end up having to use anytime I have ever gotten any food from the hot bar at Whole Foods.  I don’t learn too quick sometimes. I’m not sure if they are trying to appeal to the geriatric set or just don’t possess much in the way of taste buds. Or hey, maybe anything tastes awesome after that much quinoa.

In the west, they had this stuff called fry sauce. Sounds fancy but in reality its just ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together. It got so popular that McDonald’s had their own packets of it with their logo. You cannot find this in the south and mayo was the preference when I went to Bavaria.

What’s your verdict on condiments? Gotta have? Love em? Hate em? Favorite? Why and when? I think the only thing you will always find in my fridge is fish sauce. It’s kind of the Asian answer to worcestershire, but with a different kick. Then again, I’m kind of addicted to Asian food… seriously, I can’t even pinpoint it to one kind. I’m all about all of it,  I want to be adopted by G-uno’s mom.

kicking diabetic ass: day three, coffee without goop sucks butt (g2)

So from my prior posts, I read the study of about 800 calories a day for 8 weeks. My personal goal was actually 500. I found a couple shakes to try, figured I’d mix and match since I really couldn’t find one that I would call perfect, that had the right calories/carb ratio I was looking for while still being nutritionally sound.

One was pretty good taste-wise, but the other sucked. Of course the sucky one was the one who got the nutritional grade of A on my little tracker app. I also got a third powder that is extremely low calorie but gives a veggie boost to other shakes. It does not go in the sucky one, even if it was meant to…. no. Mix some vanilla extract with grass from your lawnmower if you want that sensation.

The surprise in all this was the hostility I got from my kid. Spawn seemed to be under the impression I was suddenly going to morph into one of those people who talks protein, carb load, cyclic somethingorother, synergetic flibbertygibbet and bumfiddle twiddlesticks.

Example: when I took Spawn to a running shoe store to get them properly sized and outfitted with good shoes, Spawn picked up one of those energy gels packets and asked “what’s this?”

Me:”Boob milk from a cyborg.” (The Oatmeal)

The poor guy who helped us about choked and just said “W…What?!?!” in fits of laughter. At least his skinniness didn’t kill his sense of humor.

That is me getting down with the fitness lingo, folks.

Spawn got annoying enough I lashed out with “No, I’d just like to keep my legs attached, along with my eyes and my kidneys, ok?” I upset them, but I got sick of the incessant nitpicking and rude remarks. Apparently, they were convinced I was going to make them do this as well.

The only problem we have come across is that when I don’t “eat,” Spawn doesn’t want to eat either and then ends up starving in the middle of night. I tried to make some more creative things, but still on the OK list for Spawn’s pallette. They didn’t eat much though. This turned into another argument, but I think Spawn is finally started getting it.

I slept a lot that first day, but I wasn’t hungry and I felt ok.

The next day I ended up with a headache, today too. I realized I was consuming even less calories than the 500 I’d allotted for myself, another thing to fix.

Spawn actually had my shake made for me this morning, even asking questions about why potatoes were a no no and what calories really were. It was cool. I explained protein, carbs and fats, and why runners ate carbs right before a run, but why a diabetic should never do this. Why peas, corn and even bananas were more akin to cake to the diabetic body than other vegetables.

I also told Spawn I already had a cheat day lined up on my birthday in a couple weeks, as I didn’t want to use it as an excuse to wait until later to start what I was doing now, so I’d already picked out what kind of cake I wanted and that I wanted to eat at my favorite sandwich and salad spot.

Oddly, I got excited when I found out I could eat an entire bag of brussel sprouts. I miss chewing mostly. Sure, when smelling good food, its tempting to try it, but just being able to chew something is oddly calming when you do nothing but drink all day (shut up, you lushes!). You’d think gum would be more my thing.

I’m waiting for the ravenous, frothing beast to show up though.

I haven’t spoken about any of this to my co-workers and it looks like the owners are forcing my department into a “working lunch” sometime soon. I’m not terribly sure how to handle that one. Cross that bridge when I come to it, I suppose.

I usually have coffee in the morning at work and not having it would start a conversation I’d rather not have. You’d think most people would ignore others, but I have coworkers who are oddly honed into the subtle changes in the habits of those around them.

Coffee in an office is not the greatest, nor is the crap you put into it to make it tolerable, but still, its more tolerable because the crap is in it. I have no room in this diet for any coffee crap. This makes me sad. It also makes for a large cup of coffee that is rather skanky.


my employer: fat people are fat because they eat crap all day and sit on their ass (g2)

So the quest in gastric bypass came to an abrupt halt, at least for now. My doc was on board with idea and just said, “get with your insurance and find out what we need to do.”

My insurance said “Ha hahahah, Nope! Have a nice day!”

Not giving up, but I don’t exactly have 20k+ to spend.  My insurance is through work and apparently the only justification they feel people would want this kind of surgery is because they lay around eating cheeseburgers all day.

They offer a discount for Jenny Craig, though! ….What bullshit. I’ve never understood why in hell people pay money to learn a different numbering system than the one you can do for free. Is it for the oddly colored pedometers or the gimmicky foodstuffs?

It was depressing. I wanted off the roller coaster, and this seemed the best way to make sure I would get off and stay off.

When I was diagnosed, I had an A1C of 8.5 and a sugar level of 235. It freaked me out. My normal blood sugar, since a child, usually lingered around 80. I had dizzy spells a lot because it would suddenly drop. Since the diagnoses, it was 7.3 in January and I’m still waiting for the latest now. I’m headed in the right direction, but it is sooooo sloooooooow.

So while I’m having the tete a tete with my insurance and/or considering supplemental insurance of some sort (or hey, a new job), I had the thought of… what if I ate what a post-op patient would eat, or something similar? I log my progress, and if things still aren’t where they should be, that would at least put some due diligence down on paper and through blood tests. If it actually kind of short-circuited my system into finally behaving normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with that either.

I hate the counting again, I hated it from the start, it took up so much of my time. But from what I can tell, I read up on one study that essentially put diabetes patients on a 800 calorie diet of 3 nutritional shakes (meh) at 600 calories and 200 calories of vegetables for 8 weeks and for many, it knocked out the diabetes.

Sure, its boring but who cares. It’s certainly easier to count than homemade recipes were and this is a start.

The only thing causing me stress is coffee. I like cream and sugar in my coffee, not a lot of options there. So it sounds like I will have nix that too. I’ve been drinking coffee since I was 10, it will be hard as a junkie. It may be decaf, but its always coffee.

Of course, some in the study went back to old and bad habits, but the majority managed to eliminate the diabetes and its baggage, for good by forcing the body to burn fat deposits in the pancreas. The study was limited to those who’d only been diagnosed in four years or less, but I remember Grand a lot when I think of old dogs and some new tricks.

It’s drastic as hell, but I’m there. I’m at drastic. I’m all over drastic. Hell, this is the first time I’ve been able to get my brain to even completely engage in any sort of real action or thought process to tackling this bitch. I’ve been in a mental fog so long, its jarring how much I’ve probably missed just from not being able to mentally process things as well as I used to. Does diabetes do this too? I don’t remember that in the list.

I even mentioned it to a diabetic buddy of mine to get their thoughts and they were onboard to trying it with me. Social eating problem solved!

They actually had been logging their food, put more salads on the menu, added a lot more veg, cut out a lot of starch, took it to their doc and their A1C had gone up since their last visit. Their doc just flat out didn’t believe them and came short of calling them a liar when they tried to show them their log. They had gone from hopeful to heartbroken in seconds. They have no interest in surgery but are definitely at the desperate and drastic stage too.

If by any change some of you are struggling, or know someone struggling and looking for drastic, here’s some links. They are just a drop in the bucket of what I’ve read, but they seemed to be the two most pointed with information that isn’t so “over the head” of us laymen. I have a limit of how much medicalese I can understand and this was all pretty digestible (pun intended):