Posts Tagged gratefulness
“Maybe being grateful
means recognizing what
you have for what it is,
victories. Admiring the
struggle it takes simply
to be human. Maybe
we’re thankful for the
familiar things we know,
And maybe we’re
thankful for the things
we’ll never know. At the
end of the day, the fact
that we have the
courage to still be
standing in reason
enough to celebrate.”
So where I live the rain has been pouring day and night. I’m talking about the kind of rain where you look out your window fully expecting to see all the animals line up two by two. I can’t seem to find my inner balance these past few weeks then finally it made it’s reappearance as we all sat around the Lebanese restaurant eating Baba Ganoush. Yesterday was our son’s 25th birthday. I had a picture in my mind of how our family would celebrate this day, but then life happened.
I came home from work to what would have normally been a most welcomed find, our son, his sister, and our son-in-law hanging out together in the living room. My kids although they are no longer kids, are my happy place. They arrive, and joy follows them. Their mixed personalities go together like the best ingredients of a perfect recipe. The problem was that my fairly new 10 year old roof was leaking profusely in our main bathroom, and kitchen. My kids informed me that they had already called their father, and they were now strategically engaged on how to stop all the rain from flooding our home.
This was not exactly the birthday celebration any of us had imagined, least of all our son. Our son was crawling through our narrow attic searching for the leakages. My son-in-law and daughter were holding flashlights, and bringing buckets to catch the relentless amounts of rain that kept pouring into our home. Then we all searched our garage for tarps to cover our roof as much as possible since we knew that with the continued downpouring of rain there was not much else that could be done.
We all worked together to clean up all the water that had poured into our kitchen cabinets, and bathroom floors. At this moment I looked at my children, and realized that they were incredibly capable adults. They laughed, and joked with one another not letting the frustration of this huge unplanned pain in our backsides stress them in even the slightest way. When Mr. G-uno finally arrived he looked around realizing his family had taken care of everything that could possibly be done for the time being. He jumped in the shower, and we all headed to the restaurant to meet up with my mom, sister, and my brother.
Of course the restaurant of our choice was closed because of their own family emergency, so my sister called to rerouted us to another Lebanese restaurant. The problem being that there were two restaurants with exactly the same name, and of course we were at one, and they were at the other. We all finally made it to the same place. Meanwhile the rain continued to pour from the heavens relentlessly but because of the rain we had the entire restaurant to ourselves. The owner, and his beautiful wife prepared us the most wonderful food.
The eight of us sat together eating, drinking, and laughing. It was in that moment where my balance found it’s way back. I remembered that it’s not about the chaos that can pop up so unexpectedly in our lives. It’s about making the most of situation, looking beyond the surface into the faces of those who love you, and whom you love. It was not the celebration I had pictured in my mind. It was something much better. 😉
The best way to escape the depths of heartbreak is to submerge yourself into the people who know, and love you the most. There is no greater comfort than to be able to sit in the living room with your blinds closed, phones turned off, air conditioner on high wrapped in your softest blankets, sleeping, watching movies, completely able to be yourself. Yesterday my husband, our son, and our daughter woke up early and went to breakfast to say goodbye to all our out-of-state family who came for our loved ones funeral. There were 26 of us sitting outside eating together. A final gathering after all had been said, and done.
Over 200 people came to our loved one’s funeral. It was an amazing outpouring of love for a man who was never truly aware that he had been so loved by so many. I found myself still without words, but I listened intently to the beautiful words of all the others. After the service we held a huge party to celebrate in the way we always have together over the years. The celebration lasted for hours. I am sure our loved one would have been entirely pleased. I felt like a ghost most of the day, completely dazed by the intensity of it all. We were still reeling from the brutal ten days before his actual passing. We did somehow manage to keep going all the way through till the goodbye breakfast the following morning.
After breakfast it was just the four of us. We went back to our home, and for the first time in months there was the feeling of calm that always takes over when it’s just us. We are close so there was no need for words. Each fell into their usual places, comforted by the calm, and I watched each of them fall gently asleep. I kept quietly watching them all as they slept. I watched the movie playing in the background. I went quietly back, and forth to the kitchen preparing our dinner. I was comforted by their presence, it seemed to lift me from my dazed existence. They remind me that even in the deepest moments of heartbreak that everything will still be okay. My cup runneth over.
It’s safe to come out now! I have managed to shake all of the sand out of my “Big Girl Pants.” When g2 and I decided to start our blog Idioglossia our intent was to create a place where people could anonymously, and truthfully vent their issues without all the constraints of political correctness. I am pleased to say it really works! For those of you who missed yesterday’s post (be glad it wasn’t pretty) I was completely filled with a large dose of I can’t get over myself anger. I will not lie to you, and say that I’m okay with all of the events that lead up to my enraged rant, but I can honestly say that throwing it all out there in my post definitely helped!
I was so beyond angry, then something really great happened. Thank you momoseita, Blahpolar, and g2 for taking the time to respond to my little rant. It was so great to purge the whole angry mess, but even more helpful to read your perspectives on the whole situation. Between the three of you I managed to calm down, cry a few tears of remorse, and finally burst out into laughter! Leaving me in a much better state of mind over something I can now see was much more about hurt than anger.
I will need more time to deal with my feelings towards the hijacking of the wedding issue, but I can at least see the possibility of being able to deal with all of this from a place of humor. This makes me feel so much better. So as the wise song once said “We Get By With A Little Help From Our Friends.” 😉