Posts Tagged long-term relationships

Mr G-uno, And I Have A Thing Going On (G-uno)

Anyone who’s been in a long term- relationship can tell you that nothing’s perfect, and if they do admit that to you they are probably in a really good one. For some love is not enough to glue two people together for a lifetime. Then for others a lifetime would not be long enough. In spite of all the trials & tribulations that come with sticking to a commitment you once made when your heart was overflowing with love, and stars danced in your eyes. I like the quote that says a good marriage is just two people who have decided to love each other no matter what. I know that’s not exactly the wording, but you get the point.
Thirty-three years ago Mr G-uno, and I said I do in his grandmother’s little church in front of 200 guests. Only one family member was actually mine, but the truth is that to this very day all I remember is the way he looked at me as we said our I do’s. We were late getting to the church because we decided to wake up early, and go to the beach before the actual ceremony. We laughed, and played in the sand until we finally realized we only had an hour to get ready.
So with one quick shower together, no hair stylist, or makeup I marched down the aisle to begin a life I could never have anticipated. There have been moments when I could actually have floated above the ground with happiness. There have been moments when I could have gotten in my car, and drove away never looking back. It has never been perfection, unless you can appreciate the grandness of two people holding on to each other just to be able to wake up next to each other for one more morning. For me that is as close to perfection as a marriage can be.
Knowing that no matter how good, or how bad things may be you’ve built a life that would never mean as much to you if it had not been shared with the other. 😉
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly without complexities, or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

Pablo Neruda



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Love Hurts -When You Fall Off Your Stripper Pole (G-uno)

My dear friend ended up in the Emergency Room due to an injury she sustained trying to do a trick (no pun intended) on her newly installed stripper pole. Keeping things exciting in the bedroom when you’ve been married for over thirty years is much more challenging than you might think. I did know that she had one installed as a birthday gift for hubby, but I hadn’t quite gotten my nerve up to ask her how that was working out for her.

Two hours in a follow-up doctor’s appointment kind of opened a perfect opportunity to finally bring the subject up. Apparently she had taken a couple of months of lessons before she actually decided to install the pole. She was a little embarrassed by our conversation, but when you’ve been friends as long as we have you learn to toughen up through all the teasing. After all it is a stripper pole, and subject matter like that is going to inspire some good-natured ribbing.

Once we covered what brand of pasties I should order for her birthday gift, I just went head first in asked her how it was going with the pole aside from her little trip to the E.R. She started out with saying “You know how hard it is to be creative after thirty years,” this is where I interrupted saying that I get all of that, but why the huge commitment of having an actual pole installed. Then being the good friend that I am I told her your beet red what color was your face when the delivery guys showed up, and asked her where she wanted it?

Don’t shake your head at me, you know you would have teased your friend if this had come up in your friendship. Then her face went from smiling to concerned. I lightly bumped her with my arm, and told her not to worry I’m sure your not the only one here seeing the doctor for a stripping injury. Normally this kind of teasing would have gotten me a salute with her middle finger, but this time it only brought tears.

Feeling like the world’s worst friend I stopped with the jokes, hugged her, and pleaded with her to tell me what was wrong. She told me she thought doing something so bold would breathe new life into their relationship both inside, and outside of the bedroom. The problem was that it had made things worse in both places. She felt embarrassed, unattractive, and old. I can tell you she is a beautiful, very athletic, and has a figure that most women our age would kill to have. So I’m not exactly sure why her husband has responded to the newest venture in such a negative way.

So I told her to just ask him. To quit torturing herself with thoughts that could be completely untrue. Then the receptionist called her back to see the doctor. She awkwardly stood up, and reached for the walker they had given her use instead of crutches. They gave this 53 year-old woman who plays tennis twice a week a walker. She stood there staring at it as though it were a coffin someone was asking her lie down in for the rest of eternity.

So being the compassionate friend that I am, I shout across the room to the perky little receptionist ” Hey my friend got this injury on her stripper’s pole if your going to insist on making her walk with this old person’s walker you could at least bedazzle the damn thing!” 😉

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Long-term Relationships Are A Lot Like Tamagotchi Virtual Pets (G-uno)

Good luck has nothing to do with keeping your long-term relationships, or your Tamagotchi virtual pets alive. If you decide to commit to either of them you have to be willing to care for them both on a daily basis. There are no days off in either of these endeavors. To be able to remain faithful to this quest is much easier with your Tamagotchi because you have a greater ability to predict, and control it’s behavior. If you take that kind of stance in your long-term relationships you may find yourself in a world of trouble.

Control is the fastest way to destroy a long-term relationship in my opinion. Any person with a healthy sense of self-esteem on the planet will run faster than the speed of light to escape that scenario. Being able to predict your partner’s behavior could be helpful in some situations. For example if you know from past experiences that certain things drive your partner crazy (in the not good kind of way), you can use that as a helpful way to avoid conflict. The gray area there is that you may feel that you can predict what your partner’s point of view, and you could very likely be 100% wrong.

In my own relationship there have been times when I was completely sure my husband felt a certain way, when in fact he felt completely different. I think when you have been together for years you can make the mistake of not factoring in the notion that your partner’s opinions can change. You may have a tendency to forget that you are not two people sharing one brain.

The most difficult thing for most people who have been in a long-term relationship is to believe that you are still intriguing to your partner. After 30 years the truth is your partner has heard all your stories from your past before them, and they know your story for the last 30 years with them. Trying to remain interesting, and a little mysterious is a pretty big challenge. I think one of the most important things to avoid is the phrase “you always do that.” Complacency is also a problem. It’s a great feeling to be comfortable with each other, but not so much that you forget the feeling of experiencing something new.

In our case when I feel like I’m becoming a bit of a bore I will take on something new just for myself. I will also try to find something new to do together. I know it’s a lot harder to do than it is to say. Life’s daily demands can drain the life force right out of you. It’s not always something huge that I choose, sometimes its just something like a project around the house that we can do together. It’s a chance to reconnect, and brainstorm together. Some really great conversations have come about that way.

Sure we have our work to discuss, but when I make the effort to try something new on my own it gives me something new to talk about. Even if it’s not necessarily something he would be interested in doing I can see that he appreciates my excitement over trying something new. My husband loves camping, and riding his dirt bikes. I’d rather sleep in an air-conditioned luxury bed, or roam around a museum. So twice a year we both take a few days to go do our individual thing, then when we return it gives us a chance to connect over some new experiences.

Then again there are the rituals that should not be revised like waking up together early on Saturday mornings to have breakfast, and watch a movie together. I love early mornings, coffee, and independent movies. My husband endures all sorts of genres because he knows nothing makes me laugh harder than his narration of a story line he finds to be completely unbelievable. Knowing that he loves to hear me laugh is so sexy.

In those moments when you find yourself short on words there is always touch. Just reaching over to hold his hand, or rub his neck or back. I think we underestimate to power of touch, how it reminds someone that you are thinking of them, that you want to be close to them. Even after all these years I still like to run my foot up his leg under the dinner table to remind him that even in a crowd its still just us.

Good luck has nothing to do with keeping your long-term relationships,or your Tamagotchi pets alive. 😉

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