Posts Tagged “Magical Vagina”

The Vaginal Trap G-uno

The female vagina is quite possibly one of the great mysteries in life. Women like men sometimes name their secret spot. I have been known to call my own “The Magical Vagina” on more than one occasion, g-2 even trade marked my pet name at one point. Lately though I have revoked her (my “Magical Vagina”) of the privilege due to the fact that she has become a traitorous bitch.
Being a female I have experienced more than a few back- stabbings from other vaginally equipped species of my gender, but the betrayal of my very own “Magical Vagina” was a completely harsh blow. I’m not exactly sure why I thought my personal vagina would be impervious to the symptoms of “The Big M” (Menopause), but I did. I find being betrayed by one’s own vagina to be unsettling in more than one way.
The secrecy of the well-known betrayal runs deeper than one might imagine. Aside from “Frankie & Grace” no one seems to want to talk about it. I guess for women it’s on the same level as erectile dysfunction, there seems to be a great deal of shame attached to the whole phenomena. This shame has some pretty deadly side effects, and should come with some strong warning labels like-…

 

  1. Warning your vagina can suddenly go from being a lush garden to a dry, and barren desert. Side effects include painful sexual encounters, the forced practice of finding compatible lubricants, and God forbid vaginal tearing.
  2.  You may find yourself being secretly ambushed over a period of time by a diminishing sex drive caused by a depression that sneaks up on you like a terrorist in an airport. The terrorist (Menopause) is there right under your nose. You know it exists, but it’s attack is somehow surprisingly devastating.
  3. Dealing with the psychological realization that you have to first accept, then deal with your no longer “Magical Vagina” can cause you to unknowingly leave your sexual partner feeling unwanted, and undesirable.
  4. The fear that your sex life will never be the same again may cause severe bouts of irrational thinking/bizarre reactions. Such as the demonizing of your own genitalia. resulting in such things as revoking her previously glorious title “The Magical Vagina!” 😉
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Who Shot Me In The Neck With That Poisonous Dart? (G-uno)

I have been on auto-pilot for so long that I almost forgot what it takes to rejoin the land of the living. I have laid awake night after night filled with anxiety over all the things that need to be done. It’s almost like someone had shot me in the neck with some poisonous dart that paralyzed every part of me. Only leaving just enough of my brain to worry,and agonize. A dart so poisonous that it actually incapacitated the once awesome “Magical Vagina,” as if menopause needs another collaborator in that department.

When you lose something you have a couple of choices on how to retrieve what’s been lost. You can try to retrace your steps in search of where you last remember having what was lost. If you actually remember where you lost something you can see if there is a lost & found department to search. You might even enlist the help of your friends to help you look. The point being that you have the capability of knowing where & how to begin. When you have lost yourself the search is a little trickier.

My loved one who was actually physically incapacitated, (No,not by a poisonous dart!) woke up every single day, and found a way to face his life with a sense of purpose. He did not live in the past. He did not live in the future. He lived mindfully in the moment. When he was lost he did not go in search of himself, he simply started over. Like “Nike” he just did it! He was a total bad-ass. Which makes it pretty impossible for me to spend any more time feeling sorry for myself.

So this morning I woke up pulled the poisonous dart out of my neck, and made my husband’s lunch. I drank my coffee while I washed my car. Then I did my dishes, took a shower, and went to work. I took my Mom shopping, paid the bills, ordered flowers for my loved one, and cooked dinner. I accomplished all of this with one thought in my mind. Who shot me in the neck with that poisonous dart? 😉

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Bah Humbug The Magical Vagina Has failed! (G-uno)

I seriously can just not pull it together this year so I’m getting my white flag ready for flight, and a pink slip for the Magical Vagina! The worst part is that I find myself hating everyone right now (usually not my style), and today was a complete disaster. I do feel a little better after reading G2’s post. I’m not glad that you are feeling all that frustration, I’m just glad I’m not the only one miserably failing at setting up a decent Christmas. Thank God my Aunt “the queen of Christmas” can not (at least without the help of a medium) weigh in on my horribly failing status.

I just suck this year, and I can’t seem to complete on single thing. I am working mad hours, the house is knee deep in construction, and daily bedside visits with the terminally ill loved one are beating me down. I forgot to mention one of my closest friends father passed away the night before last. She is out of state preparing a pre-Christmas funeral while I sit here pissing, and moaning about my issues. I will try to put some perspective on that after I moan a bit more. I think after last years deep dark depression I just wanted to make up for it this year. Truth be told I am just so exhausted I want to just go ahead send the white flag up the pole, and surrender. 😉

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