Posts Tagged sex injuries

So The Stripper Pole Is Coming Down Tomorrow (G-uno)

My amazing friend who decided to have a stripper pole installed in her bedroom to spice up her life called me this evening to say that she is having it removed tomorrow. The pole actually has spiced up her life, but not quite in the way she had envisioned. Also every time she looks at it, it reminds her of her injury, and I quote “That fucking walker!” I did remind her in all fairness that she had completely disregarded my offer to bedazzle it, so she really didn’t give the whole experience every opportunity to grow on her. This is the part where she asked me to face time her so she could give me the whole experience of flipping me off.

Apparently it costs more money to have a stripper pole removed than it does to have it installed. So I suggested wrapping it in red, and white ribbon to convince her grandchildren that Santa had secretly left the gateway to the North Pole in her bedroom. She was as unwilling to entertain that idea as she was with the whole bedazzling of her walker. I love her, but let’s face it she’s a buzz kill to my innovative side.

When I asked her why her hubby had rejected her stripper pole like a bedazzled walker (Sorry but the who knew there would be something funnier than the stripper pole to tease her about) she told me that the constantly large, and  erect pole was giving her hubby’s pole a complex. God how I love that woman! 😉

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Love Hurts -When You Fall Off Your Stripper Pole (G-uno)

My dear friend ended up in the Emergency Room due to an injury she sustained trying to do a trick (no pun intended) on her newly installed stripper pole. Keeping things exciting in the bedroom when you’ve been married for over thirty years is much more challenging than you might think. I did know that she had one installed as a birthday gift for hubby, but I hadn’t quite gotten my nerve up to ask her how that was working out for her.

Two hours in a follow-up doctor’s appointment kind of opened a perfect opportunity to finally bring the subject up. Apparently she had taken a couple of months of lessons before she actually decided to install the pole. She was a little embarrassed by our conversation, but when you’ve been friends as long as we have you learn to toughen up through all the teasing. After all it is a stripper pole, and subject matter like that is going to inspire some good-natured ribbing.

Once we covered what brand of pasties I should order for her birthday gift, I just went head first in asked her how it was going with the pole aside from her little trip to the E.R. She started out with saying “You know how hard it is to be creative after thirty years,” this is where I interrupted saying that I get all of that, but why the huge commitment of having an actual pole installed. Then being the good friend that I am I told her your beet red what color was your face when the delivery guys showed up, and asked her where she wanted it?

Don’t shake your head at me, you know you would have teased your friend if this had come up in your friendship. Then her face went from smiling to concerned. I lightly bumped her with my arm, and told her not to worry I’m sure your not the only one here seeing the doctor for a stripping injury. Normally this kind of teasing would have gotten me a salute with her middle finger, but this time it only brought tears.

Feeling like the world’s worst friend I stopped with the jokes, hugged her, and pleaded with her to tell me what was wrong. She told me she thought doing something so bold would breathe new life into their relationship both inside, and outside of the bedroom. The problem was that it had made things worse in both places. She felt embarrassed, unattractive, and old. I can tell you she is a beautiful, very athletic, and has a figure that most women our age would kill to have. So I’m not exactly sure why her husband has responded to the newest venture in such a negative way.

So I told her to just ask him. To quit torturing herself with thoughts that could be completely untrue. Then the receptionist called her back to see the doctor. She awkwardly stood up, and reached for the walker they had given her use instead of crutches. They gave this 53 year-old woman who plays tennis twice a week a walker. She stood there staring at it as though it were a coffin someone was asking her lie down in for the rest of eternity.

So being the compassionate friend that I am, I shout across the room to the perky little receptionist ” Hey my friend got this injury on her stripper’s pole if your going to insist on making her walk with this old person’s walker you could at least bedazzle the damn thing!” 😉

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