Posts Tagged “Sex with the Ex”
In the spirit of truthful beginnings Jane decided to confess that she had slept with her Ex-hubby while she, and Tarzan were broken up. As you might imagine this was a complete disaster! As if Tarzan wasn’t already swimming in the land of insecurities regarding Jane he now found himself insanely jealous. He was also pretty pissed. Sex with the Ex rarely turns out to be a good decision, and sharing that information with someone you hope to build a relationship with is an even worse decision,
Don’t get me wrong I am a huge fan of telling the truth, but I’m an even bigger fan of leaving Exes in the Ex zone. Why did Jane tell him about her disastrous slip you ask? Well the even better question here is why she decided to tell him this after the first time she, and Tarzan slept together since their break-up. Jane said that after making love to Tarzan she was filled with guilt. She said that she just decided to put it all out there rather than taking the chance of Ex-hubby being the one to let the cat of the bag in the long run.
I absolutely got the logic in that concept, it was the timing that threw me off the deep end. I probably would have opted for confessing before the reunion sex. 😉
Jane said it was actually different from all the sex they’d had during their marriage. She thought it was going to be like riding a bicycle something familiar that would not require any thought. As it turned out that was in fact not the case at all. Apparently when someone rides another bicycle for a while they change their riding style, right down to the way they kiss.
In an awkward way she felt like she was also sleeping with his young wife. apparently Ex-hubby has picked up some new moves. So of course I asked her if he had improved? She smiled then said it was different not better. So of course I asked for some details.
Kissing technique has definitely not improved. Apparently he holds his mouth differently, and uses an over abundance of tongue. His young wife requires him to go to the gym so his body was in better shape than when she last saw him naked so that was a plus. He was pleasantly more skilled in the oral department. Jane attributes this to the previously mentioned changes in his kissing technique, the over abundance of tongue with a stiffer mouth positioning worked better for her in this region. His timing remained the same, but Jane reminded me that he had been using Viagra while they were still married.
Then of course I had to ask her if the sex was better than it was with Tarzan? (Don’t shake your heads you know you want to know too. 😉 ) That’s when her face changed to sadness, and she said “No it wasn’t.” Tarzan, and Jane were having some really good sex before the whole I have a daughter secret. It was clear that Jane misses both him, and their steamy jungle sex.
Finally I asked the biggest question of all “Did she regret sex with the Ex, and would she do it again? Ok I already knew she regretted it, but for my own sanity I needed her to say it out loud. LOL a kind of reassurance that I would never have to revisit that disturbing thought again mentally. Jane reassured me that it would not happen again. She and Ex-hubby likened it to the concept of “You can never go home again.”
Jane said when they had finished they both knew that this would not happen again. As for regret, she didn’t regret it. She felt completely like the tiny lit crack into the door of her past was finally a door she could close without looking back. Even though it was a little sad it was also a relief. Then she looked me in the eye, and said “I think I made a huge mistake. I want Tarzan back.”
I went to lunch yesterday with just Jane. It was the first time in our decades long relationship that I actually felt odd. So I decided to tell her up front that my strangeness has nothing to do with her, and that I’m not really sure where it’s coming from myself. I didn’t want her to feel like it was something between us.
I told Jane that I didn’t know how to approach all of this without making her feel like I was sitting in judgement of her.She told me that she knew perfectly well what my stance would be on the infidelity side of this issue so we could just skip that part of the conversation. We’ve been friends long enough for me to know this, but somehow hearing her say the words made me feel better.
She went further to say that she knew me well enough to know that I would think it was a stupid, and self-destructive decision. Even I felt the sting of her wording, and I winced at the harshness of my own thoughts. That’s the problem with having friends like me who won’t lie to you, we are so concerned with being truthful with you that we forget how harsh the sound of those words can be.
I smiled then asked her if she didn’t need my judgement, or a harsh tongue lashing I couldn’t possibly imagine what I could do to make her feel any worse. Then we both busted out laughing, and just like that all the awkwardness disappeared. I actually felt like my former self for a while. That’s the kind of beauty that comes from listening to the opinions of others without being defensive.
It’s funny because that was the whole idea behind having this blog. A chance to vent without hiding the truth. I read very carefully the things you say, and it’s pretty enlightening to look at the world through the eyes of those who have had different experiences. You all help me look at things in a way that helps me to be a better person. I am more grateful for this gift than my words can express, so for now let me just say thank you.
I have to head off to work now but I promise to tell you the rest of what happened with Jane, and Ex-hubby when I get home.
I get that we are all imperfect human beings. I also get that you don’t pass judgement on others, especially the people you love. I just have a hard time pretending to agree with a decision that is so self-destructive. Jane knew the minute she asked me how I felt about her sex with her Ex that I am not the friend who tells you what you want to hear. This is what caused our big fight. Before I give you all the mind-blowing details let me first say that if I ask you for your opinion I want your honest opinion whether I’m going to like what you said or not. That being said here’s what happened…
Jane invited me over for dinner. Dinner for Jane is code for I did something I regret so come over, and help me hash it out. I don’t think both shoes were off my feet before she blurted out “I had sex with Ex-hubby last night!” I was stunned. I expected her to say I had sex with Tarzan…or anything else other than “sex with the Ex.” Keep in mind my people skills have been more than a little off so my first response was “Why!?” Then came the one response that always annoys me no matter who says it “It just happened.” I said “Oh I see you accidentally slipped, and fell on his erection?”
Jane was instantly annoyed with me. She shot back with “I knew you wouldn’t understand!” To which I snapped back with ” You’re right I don’t understand. Is this the same man who you left for cheating on you? The man who is now married to someone else?” Well now she’s glaring at me, and says “Well he was mine first, and besides that marriage really doesn’t count so climb down off of your high horse!” I did smirk at that one. Who says “high-horse” anymore, but quickly snapped back that “It sure as hell counted when they did it to you.” Yes I know very bitchy on my part. I can only tell you that in my current state of thinking I was annoyed that we were even having this conversation. I was annoyed that she had done such a stupid thing, rather than hearing her out like a good friend I verbally smacked her.
She stood up told me what else I could do with my’ high-horse” as she walked over to her front door holding it open for me to go. I knew I should apologize, but I didn’t I walked over slid on my shoes, and left. We haven’t spoken since. I’m not exactly sure why I just don’t want to hear this. but I don’t. I did text her that I knew I owed her an apology, that I love her, but I’m not ready yet. She texted back “I love you too asshole.” 😉