Posts Tagged shock
As Khaleesi walked through the french doors that led out to the back yard It suddenly struck me that I had probably seen her walk through that door a thousand times. This time as she walked through the door holding proudly onto her father’s arm she was stunning, there was a hushed silence almost as though time had briefly stopped. Khaleesi is not the usual type of woman so of course she did not choose the usual type of wedding gown. Instead she wore the cream colored lace dress that Jane wore after her, and Ex-hubby’s own wedding as they left their own ceremony.
Khaleesi’s favorite picture of her parent’s wedding was taken after their reception as they made their way to the limo to leave for their own honeymoon. Jane’s dress was very elegant. A thinly strapped satin cream colored form fitting top that gently flowed down into a slightly less form fitting laced bottom that stopped mid calf. Khaleesi even wore her hair in the same way Jane had worn her’s in the picture. A kind of a soft curly bobbed cut with a thin cream colored satin hairband that had tiny pink roses weaved into it. She carried a small bouquet of light & dark colored pink roses.
There were no bridesmaids, or groomsmen. Just a beautiful backyard garden filled with family, and close friends. Round tables draped in cream colored satin, and simple bud vases filled with pink roses. The groom’s father performed the wedding ceremony. Tarzan played the piano softly in the background. I think it was his way of being there without overshadowing Ex-hubby, and Jane’s moment. They had all the same familiar moments that most weddings have, just in much smaller more intimate setting. I will admit to you that the father-daughter dance was my favorite moment.
After everything had been said, and done the newlyweds left in their white limo to head to the airport to catch their plane for Italy. Both The bride’s & the groom’s parent’s had given them a two week all expense paid honeymoon as their wedding gift. Before climbing into the limo Khaleesi came back up to her parents smiling from ear to ear. She thanked them, and the groom’s parents for everything they had done to make their wedding so beautiful. Then she handed each of the parents a tiny gift box to open. Each parent was given a silver key chain with the inscription that said “Life is sweeter when your somebody’s grandparent oxoxo 6-25-16.”
Khaleesi’s way of letting everyone know this February will be filled with more heart than usual. We were all so surprised, and completely overjoyed. After all the guests had left, Jane, Tarzan, Ex-hubby, Mr. G-uno, and I sat in the back yard together reliving all of the wonderful moments of the day. Then all of a sudden Ex-hubby’s face became expressionless. He told us that Khaleesi was not the only one to surprise him with the news of a new arrival in February. His 24 year-old girlfriend had also surprised him this morning by placing a baby’s rattle that said “Daddy” on it!
We all sat there with our jaws dropped, and mouths wide open. Not because this “Sugarbaby” had surprised any of us, but because everyone sitting at that table knew that Ex-hubby had gotten a vasectomy right after Khaleesi was born! 😉
Does love just die, or fade away? Is there some kind of hidden expiration date on marriages that the general population is not privy to? Maybe because I’m now in my fifties I am more aware of the really high divorce rate among people of our age group who have been married longer than three decades.
The only thing I am certain of is the fact that my dear friend is completely devastated! I am heartbroken for her. I suspected that there were some rough patches in their relationship because of the whole “Stripper pole” thing, but I really didn’t over focus on that because all marriages have their moments of discord. I wish I could tell you that her husband is a total jerk, but he isn’t. He’s actually a kind, intelligent human, being with a big heart.
So what happened? I’m so shocked I’m not sure how to help her through whatever this may be. I just need to be able to get her through this evening.
Marriage can be difficult even in it’s best moments. We are capable of incredible damage with just one slip of the tongue. The moment when your otherwise harmless organ turns into a razor-sharp blade with the ability to make a cut so deep that even the most skilled plastic surgeon would be unable to hide the scar left behind. I remember the moment when four little words brought me to my knees. Simple words, that suddenly had the power to emotionally cut me in half. “You don’t like me.”
It was, and to this very day is the worst thing my husband has ever said to me! What made it so horribly painful was the fact that he actually believed what he had said. The man who had been my best friend through every single event in my life for over thirty years was standing before me believing that I no longer liked him.
I know what your thinking. Oh big damn deal some of you have heard name calling, fuck yous, I hate you, I cheated on you, and a lot of other horrible things that on the surface seem like much worse things to say. I get all of that, but the very idea that I had somehow given my husband even the slightest notion that I didn’t like him was deeply painful to me. It had never even crossed my mind that this thought would be something anyone could convince him of, under any circumstance, least of all me.
Somewhere along the way something I had said, or done had cut him so deeply that he harbored this thought. My mind was spinning. How could he believe something so awful? Why didn’t he say something until that moment? God, how long has he been thinking this way? Most importantly how could I have not picked up on something so big between us? In my mind I guess I felt exempt from this kind of miscommunication between us. It was a huge wake up call. A reminder that I had been complacent. That I had taken him for granted,assuming that I knew how he felt, and that he knew how I felt.
Relationships are not self-sustaining states of being. They are ever-changing, living organisms that require you to be present. They need attention, and maintenance to survive. If we are really smart about our relationships we will do way better than just trying to survive. We will put in the wiser goal of thriving. 😉